[WIP] Beach Restaurant.. needs critics and maybe proofreader

[Black_Saber]

Actually I'm incredibly ashamed to post mine here >.< but I guess I need to overcome my inferiority complex, so here you are.

Code: Select all

wind-32 ver :
http://www.mediafire.com/?7tyedyh2jjcpqst
Filesize : 17mb

Code: Select all

linux ver :
http://www.mediafire.com/?7ebba15lleoh9i2
Filesize : 16mb

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mac ver :
http://www.mediafire.com/?t5cgrtp9e808l7f
Filesize : 20mb

Erghh.. before I start, I only upload the win32 ver. Will updated this post after I've upload the mac and linux one.

Here's the status :

1. no sprite at all. I haven't had the time to draw it.
2. I put the BG from various place with the help of google, and edited as necessary.
3. sfx are taken from various place also.
4. haven't finished the story, but I guess I just wanted to make until the end of chapter 2 for my college final project. After that, I can take my time finishing this. I bet there's a lot of grammar fault or the others, and yes, I need some advice on that.
5. 2 minigame included, including that cafe in the thread completed games.
6. please go easy on me for the critics I'm a little bit M type, but don't be so hard plz >.>

and.. yes.. I haven't put the credit screen since it's still haven't finished, so.. I will put the list here:

Credit :
1. Showsni for his code and advice
2. Aleema for helping me with overlay, and imagemap for main menu screen.
3. KimiYoriBaka for helping my ui.frame and ui.imagebutton
4. Mugenjohncel (did i spell his nick right?) for the analog clock
5. herenvardo for giving an example of condition switch, which I use before finally stick with my own
#credit for food icon http://www.iconarchive.com/
#credit for sfx http://www.partnersinrhyme.com/
#credit for sfx http://www.pacdv.com/sounds/

p.s.: the story was made in indonesian, so I take out some jokes from the story, and the story itself are made 4 years ago. Only made a little change here and there..

p.s.s.: I really wanted to slam myself on the floor right now..

[Black_Saber]

Forgot to add the synopsis.. D:

In a certain island, there was a young boy named Genma Keiichi. He was a hardcore gamer. Often spent his entire day to play a game, without any concern about the outside world. But, he weak to a girl, especially to his childhood friends, Vina. She was the one who always force him to go to school, rather than playing his game. His parents are living in the small island near their island.

Long-long time ago, people built a big bridge in order to make the 2 island ruled under one government. The bridge lasted for almost ten years, before a very very big tornado cames in and destroyed the entire island, and cuts the bridge in two. Strangely, the tornado only hit the neighbour island, the place where Keiichi's parents lived.

Shocked by the death of his parents, Keiichi snapped and become a full fledged hikkikomori. Thankfully it only lasted a week, if Vina didn't come by to his house. And in the 2 days after Keiichi back to his old self, he was judged to have a brain tumour and only have 2 months left to live in this world. The shocking news didn't make Keiichi falter, because of the recent tragedy, and happily accept the fact that he was going to die soon even if he didn't had the sickness.

Keiichi who suddenly remembered about the financial crisis that was going to happen because of his parent's death, asking Vina about a part-time. Vina introduce him to the restaurant in the beach, where the 4 waitress who working there always wears swimsuit. The day Keiichi spent in there will be full of comedy, drama, and many fun experience, depends on your choice and your commitment in working in the restaurant.

So, you only have 2 months, can you make your last 2 month to repent about what have you done until now? Or you just gonna live like a dog who will be left behind after it's death? Or you shamelessly going to the harem route, despite you're speeding your own death?

Actually there's no harem route D: sorry to disappointed you.

[gekiganwing]

It's an interesting idea to use a main character who is expected to die. Your character Keiichi sounds like a person who's experienced a lot of trauma, so whatever happens to him could be interesting.

Also, it sounds like the chance to work at a beach restaurant could be the main character's last chance for happiness and/or sex. He might want a solid relationship in his last days... but he might want meaningless sex while he still has the chance.

[Black_Saber]

thank you for the encouragement

Also, it sounds like the chance to work at a beach restaurant could be the main character's last chance for happiness and/or sex. He might want a solid relationship in his last days... but he might want meaningless sex while he still has the chance.

right, this is what I wanted it to be, minus the meaningless sex thou. I intended to make that he will enter one of the route after a month, and yes, because 4 years ago the internet trend are around Key(Air/Clannad/Kanon/Planetarian), TypeMoon(Tsukihime, Fate/StayNight), August(Yoake Mae Yori Ruriiro na), Nitro+(Demonbane and the Cthulhu Myth) and of course Haruhi Suzumiya, my ideas are a join from all of that into one story.

So, I planted the seed from other trend into the all of the girl in my story. This is also a good start to explain all of the character which I forgot to add :

1. Genma Keiichi
A hardcore gamer, living alone in the 2-floor house, a gift from his parents. He had all of the console and games, or you can said that he had all of the games available from the stone age until now. After his parent's death, he was judged to have Brain Tumour and making him only have 2 months left to live. Also, if you noticed, genma = ge-mma- = ゲーマー = gamer

2. Vina von Erdlit
The weird name taken from a join of Yoake Mae Yori Ruriiro na and a gag from Einzbern Family in Fate/Stay Night. She was born as a miko in her family, but after a lot of development of the island, bit by bit, the people there forgot their Deity, and forced Vina's family become a normal citizen. A small shrine dedicated to the Island's Deity are built in the backyard of her house, in order to not forgetting the Deity. She was a childhood friend of Keiichi, they both lived side by side. A caring, warm and calm personality, also have the smile of the angel that able to tame any wild beast.

3. Odorokawa Tomoki
A winner in Kendo championship for 3 years-straight. She always brings a wooden sword everywhere, even when she's working in the restaurant. Despise man whos weaker than her, and tends to resort in violence to them. She had long hair to her waist, and decided to use ponytail for it. (If you know, she was taken from Tomoko in Love Hina). Despite her strength, she's really bad with ghost.

4. Ella Padsben
A total beauty, the red roses in the restaurant. A sister from Tere, the wife of the restaurant's owner. Her manner are top-notch, making her like a princess in a certain kingdom. She was also the girl which Keiichi chase in the 1st day of the game.

5. Getsuren Tsubame
The name taken from a title for Typemoon's Fans, "Getchu". The white rose in the restaurant. Her cold stare and slender body making her become the one who able to beat Ella in terms of beauty. Too bad she's rarely talks and had a strange personality. It's up to you to make Keiichi discover her secret, because if you do, you can't run from her. Remember, I have warned you.

6. Maria E. Zaengim
The shy glasses girl from Keiichi's class. Apparently she also working in the restaurant, and had a strange aura that makes other people become so kind to her, rendering her invulnerable to any kind of evil act from the pervert man.

7. Kagiko Ayuki
The name taken from a title for Key's fans, "Kagiko" or Key's Child. This girl supposed to have a role in this VN, but the one who made her was no longer wanted to continued this project, so I also remove her from the roster. This girl supposed to have a tragic ending, just like any VN made by Key where either the girl died, or making the main hero become more desperate due to certain incident.

8. Suzukaze Shin
The little brother of the owner. He was the winner of Karate Championship, and the only man who admired by Tomoki due to his strength. He was a silent worker, just like Tsubame.

9. Suzukaze Tatsu
The owner of the restaurant. Already married 1 years ago. He's so kind to the customers, and as the story suggested, he was totally handsome that he has his own fans club. Usually they got so wild and forced Tere to beat his husband in just a split seconds.

10. Suzukaze Tere
Her last name was Padsben, just like Ella, but after married, she change it like his husband's last name. A woman in her mid-twenty, surprisingly had a charm that makes any man fall by her looks.

11. Anono Toshiaki
Keiichi's best friends, or should I said, the only Keiichi's boy friend. A genuine pervert with bad luck around girls, but had the money to support his hobby.

I think that's it.

[Kael]

If you need someone to help you add a last touch to the story, or just plain editing, proofreading, give me a call I'm at your service.

[Black_Saber]

If you need someone to help you add a last touch to the story, or just plain editing, proofreading, give me a call I'm at your service.

thank you. I will call you after at least I completed chapter 2.

[Black_Saber]

Progress report :

- Finished chapter 2 for common route, and will trying to re-check all of the script from chapter 1.
- Will finish vina's route until hit the end of chapter 2 in common route.
- Still haven't draw the sprite and the CG.