Story Script Demo
DISCLAIMER: This VN has crude language, mild sexual suggestion, exaggerated stereotyping (for satire), in the future may contain sensitive topics involving high school drama set in America. I would rate this T for people age 13 and over to read
Hoping to get an idea if this VN is a flop to the public or something worth putting extra time into, any writing critique welcomed.
What the story is about
For many of us high-school is when our lives begins. We make friends, we fall in love, and grades actually counts for college.
Still, high-school wasn't all fun and cheers for everybody. People have regretted of the choices they've made during high-school. According to a survey conducted by Classmates.com around 60% of adults regretted not studying harder or getting into college for a better job.
This story is about a guy who is twenty-something name Zack. Zack had a hard life where he got fired from his blue collar job, and will soon be evicted from his apartment. While he was asleep, his soul got thrown back in time by a spunky teenage-looking girl named “M”. He wakes up to find himself in his sixteen year-old body in the past. Yes, Zack is a high-school student again!
As a payment for rewinding his life, Zack will have to resolve people's past regret. The targets, known as the chosen ones, are unique students from different social groups in high-school. Zack's mission is to get close to them and resolve their regrets. As a reward he can redo his life and try to become an elite in society. How will Zack redo his life and what kind of regrets can high-school teenagers have?
What are label cards?
Label cards are given to M, by her unnamed boss, as a way to find the chosen ones through time and dimensions. Chosen ones are people who have regrets which caught the fancy of the “boss”. The chosen one's regrets can vary in size and severity, but they all interest the "boss". Other than M, all the other eight characters are chosen ones and have a label card linked to them.
As the word "label" cards indicates, they are tarot-like cards with a image of the chosen one and how they are labeled by others. The label card allows M to determine if Zack is coming close to resolving the chosen one's regret.
Meet the characters
1st Draft, will spend a month trying to redrawing them better
M - Female
Despite looking and sometimes behaving like a immature teenage girl. It becomes clear that M is not what she seems.
Pretending to be Zack's legal guardian, M and Zack goes on a mission to resolve regrets from highschool student chosen by label cards.
M will not hesitate to make Zack jump through hoops as long it's amusing to her, but she does care for Zack's overall welfare.
Zack - Male
Label Card “The Loner”
The main character and a twenty-something year old guy trap in his sixteen year old body.
In his past high school life, Zack was a loner who isolated himself from school actives.
Although a chosen one himself, Zack works with M to resolve regrets from his high school peers as part of their deal to let him redo his life.
Garret - Male
Label Card “The Jock”
One of the star athlete in the highschool varsity basketball team.
Garret is tall, gruff, and a little too competitive when he gets fired up, as a result girls tend to be intimated by him.
Garret prefers to hang out with other jocks in school.
Ernie - Male
Label Card “The Geek”
Overweight and obsessed with the RPG fantasy card game “Fighters and Mages”.
Ernie has been, and still is, a easy choice for bullies to pick on.
Even then, Ernie is a genuine nice guy with a goofy personality.
Leo - Male
Label Card “The Gay”
Being the only fashion-trendy gay, who also happens to be an eye-candy, Leo has a special place among the high-school girls.
Often, if not always, Leo is seen accompanied by the popular girls in school.
While not flamboyant, Leo does bares a haughty demeanor to those he sees as uncultured.
Tessa - Female
Label Card “The Bimbo”
Voted as one of the hottest girl in school by the guys, Tessa is not afraid to use her allure on people.
Rumor has it that she dated and dump over twenty guys during her freshman year.
Seen as a hussy, Tessa acts the part while hides her true nature.
Quinn - Female
Label Card “The Social Butterfly”
As the head of the yearbook committee, Quinn always has a camera with her to capture every event.
She is also knows every gossip in school and hangs out with many diverse groups.
Armed with a outgoing personality and perky attitude, Quinn's goal is to make as many friends as possible.
Iris - Female
Label Card “The Prep”
An honor student in highschool who skipped
She comes from a prestigious background and is expected to excel academically.
After school Iris tutors people for money for college funds.
Cela - Female
Label Card “The Goth”
Cela is a book-loving goth who spends her free time reading in the library.
Due to her dark attire people have a hard time getting past her appearance.
Not effected by people's opinion of her, Cela buries herself in the world of literature and mythology.
About me and goal of this project
If I was a RPG character my stats would probably be.
Research Skill 9/10
Story Writing 7/10
Editing Skill 5/10
Art Skill 4/10
Music Skill 1/10
I'm mainly creating a VNG so I can improve on all skill aspects, including my pathetic art/program skills (Music I've given up on). Eventually I want to use this project as a portfolio, and like everyone else I hope somebody out there will be interested in it.
To do this I wish to get as much feedback and critique from you guys.
The game has taboo/sensitive topics about high-school and teenagers, so it's going to be a rated T for 13+ . I usual work around stereotypes and commonly known concept, then twist it so it a wonderful mixture of truth and bull-crap.
My progress may be slow, but I'll work hard on this!