Final Banquet [GxB][fantasy]

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Arithra
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet

#91 Post by Arithra » Tue May 24, 2011 8:31 am

Statistics:

The game contains 436 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 4,030 words,
for an average of 9.2 words per screen.
The game contains 29 menus.

well thats the demo. I have scripted about half of it so far.
the weekend was a little more busy than i anticipated. :)
Please visit my projects Perios- Chained Sorceress
and Final Banquet now with demo!

And my blog for more updates!

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Chrizine
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet

#92 Post by Chrizine » Tue May 24, 2011 5:50 pm

Why? Misunderstandings lead to great ideas ;-) *thinking about throwing in a few extra demons in future games* ;-)
Take a look at Perios - Chained Sorceress!
And also on Sword vs. Staff, my short new project...
And, of course, our blog!
Honest Critique

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Arithra
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet

#93 Post by Arithra » Thu May 26, 2011 9:15 am

The demo is now available on the first page!
Please keep in mind that english is not my first language and that Final banquet has not been beta read yet.
Report the mistakes that can't be ignored so I can correct them.
Thank you. :D
Please visit my projects Perios- Chained Sorceress
and Final Banquet now with demo!

And my blog for more updates!

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Tachyglossus
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#94 Post by Tachyglossus » Thu May 26, 2011 1:09 pm

Right I got it downloaded, and I will either e-mail or PM you some corrections (I actually meant to send them to you when you gave me a sample of the script but I got lazy!) in portions as I go through it, and put my actual opiion of the story/execution et ceter here when I'm done the demo.

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Arithra
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#95 Post by Arithra » Thu May 26, 2011 2:09 pm

Thank you. I appreciate it.
Looking forward to feedback :D
Please visit my projects Perios- Chained Sorceress
and Final Banquet now with demo!

And my blog for more updates!

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Tachyglossus
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#96 Post by Tachyglossus » Thu May 26, 2011 4:20 pm

Alright, time for my response.

Oh wow, the art in this is SOOO Beautiful, I'm amazed you got it for free.

Joking and self appraisal aside.

This story, in my opinion, has a strong beginning. I adore how down to earth Alua is as she talks about her life, and her expected future of marrying and bearing children. She doesn't speak of it with distaste and is accepting of the way of life, and yet it shows that she isn't scared to dream of something more. This makes her a lot more real to me than someone who would trash their way of life and act out, or someone who believes it is the only way and sees nothing for want.

So, I must say, Alua has a strong voice and her response to her situation is realistic. I also like that it is noted that she is treated well and with respect, but has no illusions that she is anything but a prisoner awaiting execution (well, sacrifice as part of a ritual, but does it really matter?).

The interactions with Xares and Krymar are nice because almost at every turn you can choose for Alua to either meekly go along with what is happening, or act out and say her piece knowing that since she will die, it won't make much of a difference, and it still always feels like Alua speaking. Some games make it almost seem as if the characters have split personalities with the radically different choices given.

However, some of the dialogue needs work, but I already have sent (am sending) you some suggestions on grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to pick that up. Krymar's dutiful and fealty to the crown is nice and solid. Xares is a hit and miss, I'm not sure about him. At one point he's described as terrifying, and yet he seems like a big tease.

But then, that could also be intentional. I know Alua mentions that these men weren't what she expected, but perhaps a little more reflection on how different Xares is from his reputation would be nice.

Although, the smile that mae her feel like prey was a VERY nice touch.

And as for art direction, looking at Xares and Krymar side by side, you might want crop Xares off a little at the bottom, it looks like he's standing on a platform or something.... or I don't know, something looks off about their heights (although that's partially my bad, I probably should have put them in a picture together to make sure they could exist on the same screen without looking weird). I think the problem is that I gave Krymar the porportions of a taller person (longer face, longer torso) and Xares not so much, but drew them to the same length. That's a bad on my part.

As for the music selection, I really enjoy it! It's got just the right feel to most of the pieces.

Well, anyway, I have a positive opinion of the demo thus far.

Er.... hopefully there's nothing here people will scream at me for NOT putting the spoiler tag onto.

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Arithra
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#97 Post by Arithra » Thu May 26, 2011 4:54 pm

Yeah amazing that I got the art for free right?
The artist is awesome! :D
no seriously it is. Thank you.

thanks for the feedback and the corrections I am going over the script again. It is really helping a lot.
i guess you are right about xares, but I'm not sure about how much I should crop, suggestions?
I'm glad that alua turnt out fitting. I was really worried about making her seem very out of character with some answers.
You got Xares quite right. he is a teasing a lot which makes him seem funny in a way. But he is also cruel. he is my favourit of the two of them, because he knows what he wants and is playing his own game unlike krymar who is torn between his loyalitys.
I'm glad that the music is fiting I had quite a lot of trouble choosing the right pieces.
Glad that you like the demo!
Please visit my projects Perios- Chained Sorceress
and Final Banquet now with demo!

And my blog for more updates!

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Tachyglossus
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#98 Post by Tachyglossus » Fri May 27, 2011 11:08 am

Aaaaah.....
I guess the demo ends before you really get a glimpse of his cruelty, but I could see how that could develop. It seems a lot like Xares is siding with Alua when she speaks out, but it might not be compassion so much as he'd be irritated with someone who accepted their fate because it would take away some of the fun of the ritual. But that's just a wild guess in the dark. I still need to see more before I can quite figure Xares out! I look forward to it.
Well it's a good thing you took time with choosing the music. Because I was taking notes as I was going through the demo and typing out longhand rather than open the script and copying and pasting... I ended up listening to the music probably longer than it was intended to be listened to, and it was easy on the ears. So that is a bonus to setting the tone decently.

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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#99 Post by Elenakiara » Fri May 27, 2011 12:22 pm

A demo!!! xDD Yay!

I have an important exam today and a birthday party on sunday, so I'll try to play it on Saturday! :3 Something to look forward to. ;)
Working on a visual novel : Caesar's Fate (GxB) : Follow me on Twitter or visit my Website for updates!
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Arithra
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#100 Post by Arithra » Fri May 27, 2011 6:02 pm

I'm glad that the music turned out well.
I could sent you the script if you would rather look at it that way?

@Elenakiara:
I'm glad you are looking forward to it!
Please visit my projects Perios- Chained Sorceress
and Final Banquet now with demo!

And my blog for more updates!

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Tachyglossus
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#101 Post by Tachyglossus » Fri May 27, 2011 7:42 pm

Naw, if you send me the script I will get lost waaaaay too easily.

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Arithra
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#102 Post by Arithra » Sat May 28, 2011 8:05 am

You do have a point there...
Please visit my projects Perios- Chained Sorceress
and Final Banquet now with demo!

And my blog for more updates!

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Elenakiara
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#103 Post by Elenakiara » Sat May 28, 2011 12:25 pm

Alright, all done! xDD It was way too short, but that's what demo's usually are anyway. I think that the music was quite setting with the situation and the story seemed nice written. I'm not going to say anything about the minor errors here and there, since I see that it's going to be worked on after. xD Very nice art! I did feel shy though that Xares was 'revealing'. xD I'm just very modest though... Hahaha... xDD
But yeah, Tachyglossus pretty much covered everything that I wanted to say, so I feel bad just repeating everything. xDD

Good work so far and I can't wait to see the whole story!! <3
Working on a visual novel : Caesar's Fate (GxB) : Follow me on Twitter or visit my Website for updates!
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Tachyglossus
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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#104 Post by Tachyglossus » Sat May 28, 2011 12:38 pm

Oh yes, I did forget to complain about it being too short, but I think Arithra's reason for ending it there is quite justified!

Gosh, Elenakiara, you are cute, and I don't mean that in a patronizing way. I used to be a real modest, but working on KiSS dolls changed that for me since you have to draw the base nude or at least in their skivvies. People kept telling me, when I was younger, to go to figure drawing classes to improve on my anatomy but I would be like "No... but they're usually mostly naked and that's soo uncomfortable!"

....And I'm not sure if anyone here knows what a KiSS doll is other than one other person who already PMed me and all was like "Yay I remember those!"

Anyway..... I should keep hijacking this thread with my incessant rambling.

I can't wait for the full release of Final Banquest to come out (and in hindsight, I almost wish I'd toned down Xares' shocked expression, but Krymar's just just perfect for when
Alua is all like, I'm gonna talk even though it's a breach if etiquette, and they're all like 'WTH?'
)

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Re: [WIP] Final Banquet (now with Demo)

#105 Post by Snow Blossom » Sat May 28, 2011 1:21 pm

Just played the demo!
The music was AMAZING. It fit the moods very well!
The art was gorgeous, and I loved how there were so many options and mini-branches in the conversation!
I couldn't stop until I had gotten through every option :D

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