Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg]

#16 Post by Lotus » Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:20 pm

Alrighty, suggestion time 8D
That was cute but sad ;-; I think I got all the endings, definitely did not expect the one where he commits suicide.

Most of what I saw wrong was stuff that will most likely be fixed by the final version. There's quite a few spelling mistakes, for example you use "your" for nearly every instance where you need "you're", and "thier" when you mean "their", etc. The transitions from day to day should probably be less subtle, because if you're not paying attention to the background you may not know another day has passed. I also feel that the music needs a bit more of a transition, because it seems like it instantly goes from the soft piano music to Claire's music, which is a little jarring. I think you may have mistyped at certain parts because "image bg black not found" and "image bgmari4 not found" came up a few times.

Other than that, really cute game c:
Edit: Took me less than an hour to get all the endings.
Last edited by Lotus on Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg]

#17 Post by Elze » Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:22 pm

Finished the game *u*
I think it takes about 40 minutes or so, but I'm not sure. I got all the endings. It was a very nice story and I enjoyed it ;u;

Some technical errors:
There's something wrong with the menu though. It won't let me return to the game after saving, so whenever I save I have to return to the title screen, then load again. Some images are missing too, so we get a black screen instead.

Lotus > Don't think that's a problem, since I downloaded it without logging in to msn.
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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg]

#18 Post by Lotus » Wed Mar 30, 2011 4:26 pm

Ah, then ignore my previous comment xD For some reason it wouldn't let me download it without logging in first, don't know why.

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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg] downloadable BETA

#19 Post by teacup » Wed Mar 30, 2011 7:47 pm

Wow!! What a cute game, you're doing a great job!!
As you said already, work on your transitions between backgrounds and music. Your choice of music was good though. And when the day changes, maybe stop the music instead of playing it continuously. This will make it clearer when its a new day.
Your sprites are really expressive and visually appealing, so I didn't have a problem that the game only had 1 CG. But of course I won't stop you if you want to add more!
In the ending where Bright is hit by the train (I don't know if it's really proper to call it suicide, since he didn't intend to die) I felt tears coming on. XD I never cry, so good job making this an emotional game. Your characters are developed really well.. so maybe that's why I felt an emotional connection to them.
I won't repeat what everyone else said so I'll just point this out: Maybe get someone to proofread for you. I did notice quite a lot of spelling and grammar errors. But it wasn't enough to distract me from enjoying the story. And some of these can be easily corrected if you run through a spell check.
It took me about 45 minutes to get all the endings.
Anyway, I think you have something really great here~
Great job and good luck in finishing! :D
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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg] downloadable BETA

#20 Post by SusanTheCat » Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:05 pm

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

Very awesome! Looking forward to the final version.

Susan
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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg] downloadable BETA

#21 Post by Machus » Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:33 pm

Good work, I think. I especially liked the transition in art when
Claire kissed Bright. It really emphasizes the importance of the scene.
However, there are a few small details that annoyed me a bit.

The music switches were a bit sudden. It kind of seemed unnecessarily different from the first one, and it didn't seem to really mean much in the story, other than
whenever he met with her. Though the time when you did change it was noticeable, and I was able to tell that something was about to happen.
More subtly different tunes would have made a bit more sense, and maybe even made it easier to focus on the story.
There also a lot of little typos, for example using "your" instead of "you're."

Despite this, the story was good. I found it very easy to relate with Bright.

Also...
I can't tell which ending I like best. I assume Claire got on the train when Bright died? I liked both that ending and the happy ending. I wonder - why didn't Claire wait for Bright? If there was a possibility of missing the train (as she didn't want to leave the station), I assume they could have not gotten on the train. That would be quite the happy ending, and I think I would have loved it. But it wouldn't have solved anything in Bright's life, and I think that would be important to emphasize. I suppose this would have been impossible if not being with Claire was part of Bright's punishment. (Though I'm not sure if he should even be punished...)
I'm available as a proofreader, just PM me. Thanks!

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Re: [NaNoRenO 2011] Waiting With You [bxg] downloadable BETA

#22 Post by Miss-Mae » Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:14 pm

This looks totally adorable so far! I will definitely be playing it when you're done. I'd offer help, but I'm a total newbie to game making. ^^;
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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#23 Post by Silphy » Sat Apr 02, 2011 2:06 pm

I'm working on the things you guys mentioned.
here are the things I want to do before releasing a finished version:

-spelling (>_<;;;)
-fix the menu
-add custom text box
-more CGs
-more backgrounds,better transitions
-better transitions from day-to-day
-more music tracks, better transitions for music

I colored the CG that appears in the beta, figured I'd post it here for those of you that actually played it: about the endings:
I based the concept really heavily on the idea of purgatory, I'm not religious but I thought the concept could be really interesting and sad. Bright didn't technically commit suicide, so I don't think his punishment would be as long as Clairs punishment. However he is still paying for throwing away his life for another one (not with the intention of dying) basically, he simply wasn't "gratefull" enough for his life, or he took it for granted, and threw it away easily when a more tempting option came up.

To be honest I never really considered the possibility of an ending where Claire decided not to get on the train. Certainly it was an option for her. Although I don't think it would be ideal for her....you need to keep in mind that she's being punished, and that leaving would be ideal. At the same time, I think that an alternate ending to the one where bright ends up killing himself could be good. Basically, he gets hit by the train, and Claire feels responsible, she steps back on the platform and waits with Bright until a train comes for him. There might be too much contradiction in an ending like this though...Could two "ghosts" see each other? Could Claire even get on Brights train at the end, or would she be trapped for eternity?is it even OK for claire to stay?...I guess since I'm the writer I get to write the rules about how it works...n_n;.....but i dont think i want to make a bunch of loop-holes in the purgatory idea. basically, you die, you wait, you get to go to heaven.
Last edited by Silphy on Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#24 Post by Machus » Sat Apr 02, 2011 2:12 pm

Ah, what you wrote was very helpful.
It makes sense that you wouldn't want to create any loopholes in the idea of purgatory. That would defeat the purpose. What I'm asking is: Should Bright even be punished? All he really did was fall in love...Maybe I'm overthinking it a bit, but that's just because I really liked this story. Good work on it, by the way.
Also, the colored-in CG looks great!
I'm available as a proofreader, just PM me. Thanks!

~Mau

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#25 Post by Silphy » Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:26 pm

to machus:
I dont really think he "deserves" to be punished either. He got wrapped up in something he didn't understand and ends up suffering for doing something that would otherwise be considered normal. Its an unfortunate tragedy basically, even if he didn't understand the "rules" he still broke them.

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#26 Post by Machus » Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:04 pm

So it's more of a "Wrong place, wrong time" kind of thing? Poor guy. Well, love knows no bounds, right?
I'm available as a proofreader, just PM me. Thanks!

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#27 Post by Silphy » Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:47 pm

pretty much >_<

anyways, thank you everyone who played it, and had suggestions so far =D
It makes me really happy knowing you guys enjoyed it as well!

I'm always open to more feedback!

...if anyone knows how to fix my menu problems, please let me know, i have no experience with this kind of thing...

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#28 Post by Auro-Cyanide » Sun Apr 03, 2011 12:37 am

That was a really, really beautiful story. I love things like this, so very much. I am more emotional with thins kind of thing, more than anything else.

About the endings:
I really liked all of them, and I think you have done really well with them. However, I have a few points. They are just my feelings on the issue and I definitely wouldn't want you to change anything because of them since this is your story and you should tell it how you want to :) It is mostly about how to separate the different endings. In one ending, you are 'punished' as it were for questioning Claire's reality (the one where she disappears and Bright forgets). I thought this was a good ending. But you are punished also for believing too much (suicide ending). While I think it makes a great deal of sense for what happens and it is very logical, I feel that it is pretty depressing. My thought would be that Claire stays with him after he dies, that she gives up her chance to finally leave so that she can stay and wait with him, this boy who trusted and believed in her so completely that he died for her. I think she would feel that she has to pay for losing her life, but she wouldn't let Bright suffer only because he loved her. It is sad in that she will probably not be able to leave, but also slightly hopeful because now they can spend a great deal of time together. I think this may tie in well with the idea that it is better to wait with someone then to wait alone. The third ending, I think is also really good. I like the idea that Claire protects Bright from seeing the train. However, I feel that her saying it is a punishment may be a bit harsh for what I would consider to be the happy ending. I think it would be nicer if she might look on the bright side, to instead see that she should be grateful that she was given a chance to love and be loved before she had to finally leave. Everything comes to an end after all, and experience is what counts. I would also hope that Bright goes on to live a happier life, that the confidence he built with Claire lead him to further embrace life.
Anyway, they are just suggestions ^^'

Overall, I really adored your story, I even cried a little. I hope you will continue to work on such beautiful stories <3

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#29 Post by Silphy » Sun Apr 03, 2011 7:44 pm

Thank you so much !
hearing that you cried a little makes me very happy....( >_< that sounds bad but...) I wanted to make a sad game, and I guess that means it was a success.

It seems like everyone would be more satisfied by an ending where Claire and Bright wait together....I think I'm going to add it as a bonus ending that you get after getting the other 3 endings. I also think I'll add a proper epilogue to the "good" ending, where you see that Bright has changed and grown up a little after meeting Claire, hes a bit more confident and manages to at least make some friends.....as that was kind of the point of the good ending, Bright should be able to change just a little bit and enjoy life more.

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Re: Waiting With You [bxg] download BETA

#30 Post by Machus » Sun Apr 03, 2011 8:21 pm

Yeah, that sounds good.
Claire waiting with Bright would really epitomize the title of this game, I think. And I believe that it could be a truly amazing ending.
I'm available as a proofreader, just PM me. Thanks!

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