Lemma Soft Forums

Woo hoo! A beta version of my game!



Tara starts a new job in an old building -- but something doesn't want her there!

This is a contemporary supernatural horror game. BE WARNED! I would give it a PG-14 rating. At thirteen I would not have found it too scary, but I like horror.

The game takes 1-2 hours depending on how fast you read. There are currently 4 endings.

This is the Visual Novel version of a NaNoWriMo novel I wrote. I took it from 50,000 words to 20,000.

Credits:
Writing, Art, Programming: Susan Douglas
Music: Kevin MacLeod http://incompetech.com/m/c/royalty-free


Vital stats:
The game contains 2,192 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 20,476 words,
for an average of 9.3 words per screen.
The game contains 8 menus.

Screen shots:




Downloads:
Linux - http://www.thecatsweb.com/games/The%20H ... 86.tar.bz2
Mac - http://www.thecatsweb.com/games/The%20H ... nt-mac.zip
Windows - http://www.thecatsweb.com/games/The%20H ... -win32.zip
All - http://www.thecatsweb.com/games/The%20H ... nt-all.zip

Any feedback is welcome.

Things I would like to know:
- Is it worth going through the extra effort (beyond NaNoRenO) to make CGs and sound effects?
- Were there too many characters? Who could I get rid of? Who did you want to see more of?
- Was the plot too jumpy?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how predictable was it?
- which character had the best sprite? (or the worse)
- which is the best background?

Susan

don't know what it is but the windows link and all link seems to be broken.

edit: Did you move the game somewhere else perhaps? And congrats on your NaNoRenO release. Can't wait to play it.

Thanks for pointing that out. I had forgotten about the spaces in the name.

Susan

Thanks, will comment after I play it.

Hello Susan just finished with the VN. Got two of the ending so far, but it should be enough to give you some feed backs.

What I liked

I do like this VN and feel you should know it, it really stands out and is refreshing change from the teenage love trouble VN's. The scary atmosphere is certainly your drive for this VN, you do know how to pick suspenseful music, there are times where I'm tempted to plug by ears. This VN has a nice story pace to it and you can tell the VN creator (you) is someone who knows their horror movies and the elements to a good one.

What I thought needed more work

- Is it worth going through the extra effort (beyond NaNoRenO) to make CGs and sound effects?

The VN is good enough that it's memorable among the VN's made so far. Wither it's worth it to put in extra effort depends on how much drive you have left. If you feel tired from the project then it's probably best to take a break from it, if not please do continue I"ll support you with feed backs. I do think you know how to pick the right sound effects to scare people so I'd like you to add them.

- Were there too many characters? Who could I get rid of? Who did you want to see more of?

- Was the plot too jumpy?

The pacing of the story was good and believable. No it's not jumpy.

- On a scale of 1 to 10, how predictable was it?

I kind of guessed how it would go already. With 1 being predicable and 10 being mind boggling. I'd have to give it a 3-4. There's only so many ways to end a horror story.

Suggestion to make it better,

- which character had the best sprite? (or the worse)

To me it seems that girls in general are drawn better. Tara and her family they resemble each other. The guy sprites not as so much, especially Jason whose Jaws are the same length as Tara's whole cranium.

- which is the best background?

The attic


Good job Susan, you deserve a pat in the back!

James wrote:The scary atmosphere is certainly your drive for this VN, you do know how to pick suspenseful music, there are times where I'm tempted to plug by ears.

I got all the music from an AWESOME site: http://incompetech.com/m/c/royalty-free I was able to find a trio of pieces with the same theme

James wrote:

The sprite of the ghosts and possessed people aren't scary enough in my opinion, they don't inspire fear to me.

I completely agree. The next thing I want to do is fix my earlier sprites and add different expression

James wrote:If you feel tired from the project then it's probably best to take a break from it, if not please do continue I"ll support you with feed backs.

I'm still having fun with it. This was my first horror novel. I wrote it because I have a tendency to be really nice to my characters.

James wrote:

The priest kid kind of lacked purpose in the story other then allowing you to have a alternative choice. It's way obvious that other choice with the pro's are the main line as they actually become more involve with the end. I think it's better to either get rid of him or add more of him to the others who are trapped. He'll make a good dead body or the "one".

I agree here too. The problem with adapting an existing work is that one plot line is well developed, and the others suffer. I really want to beef up the other options.
The novel was written in a month as well and some of the plot lines went nowhere.

James wrote:I kind of guessed how it would go already. With 1 being predicable and 10 being mind boggling. I'd have to give it a 3-4. There's only so many ways to end a horror story.

I agree here to, but I should be able to fix this as I beef up the other plotlines.

James wrote:Suggestion to make it better,

When you said only creative guys, it was a dead give away what will happen. Maybe alter the story line a little so both guys and girls could be the "one". Lilian would've be a good candidate to be on the suspicious list as the "one".

Sweet!

James wrote:Good job Susan, you deserve a pat in the back!

Thank you for the great feedback! It really helps. Cookie for you!

Susan

Completed the game a few days ago so here's a review OuO;;
Overall I think it was pretty well done in terms of narrative and mood. I actually played the game at 3am in the morning, which added to the scare factor. So yes, the game did send shivers down my spine.

(I've put everything under a spoiler tag just in case I let slip a spoiler by accident)
- Is it worth going through the extra effort (beyond NaNoRenO) to make CGs and sound effects? - Were there too many characters? Who could I get rid of? Who did you want to see more of? - Was the plot too jumpy? - On a scale of 1 to 10, how predictable was it? - which character had the best sprite? (or the worse) - which is the best background? Overall, I think it's pretty well done for the horror genre. C:

Poor poor Micah (Church kid) Sprites:
I was trying to limit myself so I didn't get bogged down trying to create multiple sprites. I REALLY REALLY want to redo Jason's sprite since he was the first one I created. Thank you for the great review. All your comments are very helpful!

Susan

I played your game last night and got...maybe 5 of the endings. I kept playing until I was certain that I played all that I could before I commenting.

Is it worth going through the extra effort (beyond NaNoRenO) to make CGs and sound effects?

I think it's always worth the effort to make the CGs, unless you want to keep the vague descriptions of some scenes, like Tara and Jason kissing as it is, when an image can help a whole lot more. But this depends totally on what you feel like doing, how much more extra work you want to put in the game, and how tired you are after just completing it. Do whatever works best for you.

I think that the game can benefit greatly with the right sound effects though and they can help enhance certain scenes in the story.

- Were there too many characters? Who could I get rid of? Who did you want to see more of?

Hmmm...I don't think that there was to many characters. Even Tara's mom and sister were relevant for when she went to stay at her mom's house, and the friends helped guide her path towards Jason's, so its fine with me. I think Micah's path could have been expanded or deleted, because he feels like an add-on instead of a part of the story. I think it would have been an interesting angle to see how he would have helped solved the story. Though I wouldn't have wanted him to die. Oh yeah, and I would have liked to see more of him

- Was the plot too jumpy?

I think it might have been. Like right when we thought we destroyed the being the second time, he came back again just for one last round. I was ready for the ending right then so I was sort of mad that he came back again.

- On a scale of 1 to 10, how predictable was it?

It was predictable at some points. Can't say that I can rate it since the game did surprise me here and there, but some things were just to obvious.

- which character had the best sprite? (or the worse)

I wasn't really looking at the sprites to closely to compare. Sorry. I can tell you that those two downward pointed fingers of Lilian's scared me, Peter had a hunch back(which was fine if that was intended) and I thought Joanna and Tara in her winter outfit was well made.

- which is the best background

Err..........................................................( I really wasn't looking that hard. >__<) Checks again. The shared boardroom was decent, Tara's bedroom was alright, but I think the attic was the best so far. Now that I think about it, you had a lot of backgrounds that were included in this story and that must have been a lot of work. I liked the feel of the office. It was soothing.

You had a lot to do to get this game ready for NaNoRenO month and I'm glad you finished it. Cutting 50, 000 words down to 20,000 could not have been easy.

I loved the main menu music, but the transparent menu was clashing with the background of the main menu. The font you used had a weird 'g' and 'f' that threw me off and was sometimes hard to read. I couldn't understand what the typo and plot menu button was for, do they even work?
Overall, I liked the game I liked the style, the sprites, and the colors. I hope you decide to add some sound effects and maybe some more of Micah. Waiting patiently for the complete version.

Thanks for taking the time to check out all the endings! Once I add CGs, I'll add a Gallery to People can see what endings they are missing.

I'll look for another font. I stuck that one in because I was tired of Arial and wanted an old fashioned book font.

Micah and George were stuffed in at the last minute. I have plans to expand their stories.

Midnighticequeen wrote:

I liked the way you introduced new characters by having them slide in the screen. It was only later that I noticed you did this for only the two creative men. Was this a clue? I liked that you made the ghost zoom in on the screen until it was almost upon us. It was a nice effect. I was surprised at the particle effects, but I liked them. Though the leaves you used at some point felt odd to use at other points.

I was learning about the different transitions as I went. The next version will be more consistent and have more realistic particles.

Midnighticequeen wrote:

I'm glad the thing finally died, I'm not really good at scary stories, but I feel that a lot of questions about the creature wasn't answered. Why did it not like creative women? That didn't make any sense. Out of all the women to dislike he disliked the creative types. Why creativity? What was the big deal about it? Why did it drive him to kill. I think the story was still missing a good reason for that.

I was exploring was it meant to be creative and the different ways people are creative: full artists who can make a living from it; artists that end up working somewhere else to support themselves; people who have "real" jobs but have creative hobbies.

Midnighticequeen wrote:

I'm sad Joanne kept dying no matter what I tried to do. I do wonder why a woman who was a professional with ghosts would choose to go off alone without any protection. It makes no sense. I also wonder why Harmony didn't seem to comment about her death that much either. Is it a cat thing? And one more question: What happened to the dog?

I am planning on expanding all the little remaining bits. The problem with reworking a novel is you have one REALLY developed plot line, and a bunch of mediocre ones. I'm going to try to bring them all up to the same standard.

If you can't tell, this was heavily influenced by the movie "The Grudge". My idea was that I would start with Tara and Jason's story, then write Pamela and Sam's story. Pamela and Sam were haunted by the previous victims. And so on to the first victims.

Susan

SusanTheCat wrote:At thirteen I would not have found it too scary, but I like horror.

I get more scared by horror movies by people five years younger than me D: I'd love to try this out later, though xD Expect my feedback in about a week, I'm really excited to play this!. (I hope I survive the story, though...)