Lurker a new manga by AtelierEdge

[Gouka]

Here are a few sample pages of a manga I'm writing called "Lurker" under the name "AtelierEdge." This manga will be distributed for free. The sample pages don't have dialogue since I want to keep it a secret until its final release.



I'll keep posting more pages as I finish them. Please remember to give a helpful critique.

[lunasspecto]

Darn! I need to get me some skills like those. And that's some cool/effective shading. I patiently await the full release.

[number473]

Looks good. One thing I do note is that the art looks a bit too "clean" and not "gritty" enough. What I mean is really that there's not enough texture to the surfaces. Possible solutions include more varied line widths (not lines of different widths so much as varying widths in a single line) and shading, either crosshatching or tones to indicate shades. The building could do with a bit more detail to give it a bit more mass. Yes, I think that shading to give it more dimension could improve things.

[Shadow Wolfwind]

You asked for a critique so here's mine. If anything I say is confusing just ask me and I can draw up a few thumbnail panels for you.

Page 1
First panel: I have no clue what that building is. It looks like a bunch of cylinders on top of cylinders. It needs more detail. I can't tell if those cylinders are made out of rock, wood, or metal. Those puffs next to it I can't tell if those are rocks, smoke, or clouds. I should be able to. If they are rocks they should look less lumpy mechanical and more haphazard.
Second panel: Good perspective, but same thing, it needs more detail. If this is a sewer it looks really clean for one.

Page 2
It's good that you didn't put the words. The reader should be able to tell what's going on without the words.
First panel: The person who is close to the camera I can't see. I'm guessing this was on purpose. The problem with that is I don't know if that person is the same person speaking in the second panel or if that person is just a third person there. If you want to show them walking you could do this many ways. You could do an establishing shot with the two figures. This will still keep their identities unknown, but then reveal them in the next panel. You could also move the camera around by switching the person in the background to the foreground and showing the faces of both of the people. You are also far enough away to be able to show some background. Let the reader know where they are by putting some at the end of the tunnel.
Second panel: Like I stated before the problem with the set up of these two panels is that I can't tell if this person is the same person who was in the foreground of the first panel. If you wanted to keep your setup in the first panel you could zoom out in this one to show more of this person's clothing. The reader may still have trouble matching the two figures up so I don't really recommend this. I want to see more of the person's worried expression. If you decide to go with my first suggest for the first panel then it would be good to do a set up like my second suggestion. Move the camera in front of two people showing their faces. You can zoom in closer to show more of the person in the background's face and only showing a bit of the person in the foreground's face. If you decide to go with my second suggestion for the first panel then you can simply move the camera to the front of the person's face.
Third panel: Who's holding the paper? Zoom out a bit and show at least the back of the person's head. This will still hold focus on the paper but at least tell us who is holding it.
Fourth panel: Good perspective, but where are the figures in it? What's the point of having an establishing shot that doesn't establish where the speakers are?

Page 3

First panel: Again good perspective; needs more detail. This doesn't have to tell us where the people are in it, but it would help.
Second panel: You are far enough away from the two figures to show some background and perspective. This will tell us where they are since you didn't show us in the first panel. I don't see anything glaringly wrong anatomy wise with the person on the left, but the person on the left has some problems. Head, face, left shoulder, hands, arms are all off.
Third panel: Why are you showing a random foot? No, I understand that you are trying to show a new person stepping into view, but not all readers might know that. Change the angle of the foot to a side view of it as it steps onto the floor. That will make things clearer.
Fourth panel: I can't tell if this person was the mystery foreground figure in page two panel one or if it's a random person stepping onto the scene. It's important for the reader to know if this is some random guy who stepped in out of nowhere and not someone who had been traveling with them for two pages. See how confusing the set up in page 2 is? The reader shouldn't have to do this much work to figure out who is what person in a comic. If he is a third person who was with them you can set up the positions in page two to keep the identity of the third person hidden but still show that there is indeed a third person with them. If not use my suggestions and make it clear that there are only two people there. As for this panel I can't see any mistakes in anatomy, but there should be a background in that blank space.