Is the story worth the work?

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Megumi
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Is the story worth the work?

#1 Post by Megumi » Thu Jan 20, 2011 1:09 pm

Hello guys!

Hm, lately, I've been bothered by that little plot I had since a little while... ah. So I'm wondering if actually it is worth the effort of doing the work. (Me is trying to work on a standalone small thing to train myself a little on Ren'Py. ^^")

The problem is: The plot. My biggest talent is... humor. Kinda. I guess. I don't really actually know how long should a VN be but I've written around 2500 words right now. And, as I look at it, I realize that maybe, the story is not uh... interesting enough for people.

So, I thought. Why not ask YOU? XD

I'm going to put the summary and put around 1000 words of what I've written in spoiler so you can check how it is or how it could be. I am warning though. I am a fanfiction writer... and apparently we have the bad reputation of adding useless details...
Summary: Being a dragon sucks, you have to constantly show off your strength or you're going to get skewered and you have to kidnap princesses to show that you have matured.

I, for information, thought it was quite an idiotic custom, but there were more princesses than Queen alive so...

Anyway, yeah, I had to prove I matured.

Except I managed to kidnap a prince that had tried to skewered me after I put him down in his <strike>jail</strike> room. Even worse, instead of cowering in a corner, he stalked me in my castle and saw me turn into my human form...

Now, he believes I'm a princess that had been cursed...
Dragons’ culture worshipped strength and power. That was why they were often seen as a menace, a threat one could only try to avoid if possible. Oddly enough, they just seemed to <i>adore</i> kidnapping princesses and force humans to try to fend them off. Actually, it was not a question of adoration (though my brother loved human flesh), it was a custom.

Every time a dragon became one hundred eighty year old, he had to earn his place as an independent being. They had to kidnap a nearby kingdom’s princess and must keep her until the kingdom gave offerings in hope to get onto their good sides (A proof that the dragon had successfully managed to scare them). If they failed, they had to stay within the household for at least one hundred years.

So cliché, right? Well, since we, dragons, are living really long and that this custom is <i>really</i> old, I guessed fairytales were, maybe, real. I just hoped they were not… After all, these stories sounded a little too much ‘unicorns with pink polka’ to me.

Oh, right, I didn’t tell you guys who I was. I, yes I am the heroine of this story, was called Bridget O’Brian and if you’re wondering, yes I had to catch a freaking princess. If I had to choose, I’d personally take the Queen. Or the King. Or the Empress. Yes, monarchs. But apparently, if you take monarchs, the kingdom would end in few months. My father said that people just <i>loved</i> losing their leaders so they could just be the leader. Really odd, I must tell you guys. What was the point of letting people kidnap your monarch?

Anyway, I had to kind of kidnap a princess since they were (and still are) much more common than princes. Apparently, royalty just hm… appreciate err… reproducing. I mean, did you see how many girls royalty have? Just… weird.

Oh, right, I was talking about kidnapping, right?

Well, here is the thing. Yesterday, planning to crash into a… uh… birthday party, I had specially sharpened my nails and even put on some nail polish! Pretty as I were, it was not necessary but, hey, it was MY maturing day, I ruled! So, after putting a beautiful green bow on my horns, I went to the party!

It was the birthday of a neighbor country’s Queen. That monarch had worn the most amazing tiara I had ever seen (which I would have gladly taken away if my kidnapping went badly) and by her side, stood the most attention-worthy person of the room, the Princess! Princesses had always and would always be an important thing. They were, after all, always linked to the power, all thanks to a tiny drip of blood. Oh, well, who am I to judge human laws? They sucked – you know it, I know it, period.

As the Princess made tons of other girls squealed, I decided it was time to attack! Coming out of my hiding spot, I bounced to hit the castle. My tail hitting the annoying humans that had dared to scream a little too high and my mouth coming down to break the stones, I looked at the remaining humans before me. They had dared to raise these… these… toothpicks at me! Toothpicks!

I snorted, smoke hitting them in their faces. Most of them ran. Actually, almost all of them ran away.

But the Princess… has stayed.

I grinned, my white teeth gleaming. She had grasped one of the discarded swords and had stared right into my eyes. Her aquamarine eyes sparkled with determination. <i>She</i> wanted to take me down.

<i>‘Bring it on, girl.’</i>

But her determination could not stand against my power. Yes, she made a little damage, but it was nothing. It was not cannons firing at me, I mean, it was not an army fighting me but just one little girl trying to hurt me with a stick. And the cuts were comparable to… paper cuts. Either way, she was unexpectedly easy to catch. No one had started firing the guns until I started flying with my tail wrapped around the Princess~~

Okay. Maybe at that moment I should have doubted of something. People were a little screaming and yelling the title of Prince Theodore, the girls were crying and the queen was literally hysterical. Apparently, the princesses were elsewhere that day. Something about the country being boring or something. I don’t really know but at the same time humans are so weird. Anyway, I was, unfortunately, not carrying a little girl that had tried to kill me with a chopstick but the only and legitimate heir of Katarilla.

Producing males were apparently hard for humans… But seeing how these males fared they may as well let us eat them…

<i>‘Thinking back, where was the King that day?’</i>

If only I had been in my human form, I could have kidnapped a princess. But no, nooooo, we, dragons, have pride! We, dragons, have to capture tiny humans in our godly big forms to assert our superiority over these tiny little beings that we could trample with a step. So, with our big ass eyes, we have to differentiate people with and without chests and tomboys and real boys.

So, when I had finally reached home (and thankfully retired in my quarters without letting anybody of my family know I was back – I bet they were drinking again), I had put <i>this thing</i> in my <strike>room</strike> lair.

That was only when it landed that <i>it</i> started to talk.

“OW!”

<i>It</i> had landed onto the ground with a big “thump” and had started talking about mistreatment against royalty and stuff.

<i>It</i> was not crying or whimpering or anything any other royalty did.

I snorted. It must be some abnormal reaction from stupid humans when they faced danger or fear. Brother used to tell me a hundred things about his fights against humans and how pathetic they could get for him to spare their lives or to get killed. But either way, he ate them. They tasted good apparently.

I yawned softly, if everything went well… I may have the chance to eat one. I ignored the background yelling and hit <i>it</i> with my tail. ‘Shut up,’ I wanted to yell, ‘shut up and just stay here like a good little girl!’

Moving slowly out of the room (which I did not lock because we, dragons, like to have a chance to threaten our prisoners with our pointy and shiny teeth,), I started my way to have dinner. Mom said she would make me a delicious lamb tonight! But first, I needed to be presentable! I beamed, entering my dresser to turn into my beautiful and perfect human form!

What I did not expect happened.

<i>It</i> opened the door.

“…You… are human?”

Uh. Oh.

I turned around naked like a newborn human. <i>It</i> was here.

“Are you… a Princess?”

The voice was unmistakable now. My head, normally high in the air, couldn’t have distinguished the masculine tone of his voice. My gigantic eyes couldn’t have seen his flat torso as well as I observed it now. And his obviously masculine clothing was naught but tissue I couldn’t differentiate from simple cloth in my dragon form.

<i>It</i> wasn’t the Princess.

It was a freaking, completely male human!

So, how do you feel about it? Truthfully, if you don't like it, I guess I'll move on.

Oh, and a little question. Would it annoy you if the Prince was the only datable guy? ^^" (I want to try to make it short since I am already facing self-confidence issue... orz)
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#2 Post by kinougames » Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:00 pm

I honestly think this is a fabulous idea and I would play the heck out of this game.
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#3 Post by Megumi » Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:25 pm

Thank you very much! ;D

Truthfully, I am so scared of disappointing myself on this one. I've been haunting the topic for like 3 hours just to read an answer. xD

I really hope this will turn out good!

But do you find anything annoying? Is my description too long? ^^

...Do you find the characters idiotic? XD

I made a quick sketch of Bridget!
Bridget.png
God, I can't believe it took a full day just to come up with that. XD I wanted a girl that looked noble and sweet and uh... Pretty. I may change it though...

Also, do you have any special expectation in this game? xD *taking advantage of seeing an answer* Something? Anything? Even the smallest problem is IMPORTANT!
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#4 Post by sake-bento » Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:43 pm

Whoa, relax. I think for a first story, especially, you should write what you want instead of trying to write what will please the rest of us. If in the end someone says "Man, I wish that I could date more people!" then next time you know what to do. Or not. If you think it'll change the story too much from the story YOU want to tell, then don't add more guys. It's good to get input, but you look like you're ready to scrap the whole thing if one person says it's not interesting (and there's ALWAYS someone who won't be interested).

Honestly, I think you're worrying too much about the opinion of everyone else. You should have a good time with it. If we all only wrote stories that everyone agreed with and voted on, then we'd only write the same story over and over. From what you've written, it looks like a fun story, and I'd be interested to see more of what YOU have to say. If I wanted to see someone conform to my ideals for a great story, I would just write the story myself. XD

In short: Looks good, chill out, and have fun.

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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#5 Post by Megumi » Thu Jan 20, 2011 8:02 pm

Haha... sorry. It's just you know, there are times where you go head first into things and then, when you're done... someone just bashes in and makes you fall deep into a pit.

As for what I had to say on this? Well, I didn't want to have the typical dating sim. I am much more interested in fantasy simply because it's fantasy. You can add so much more things and defy any law of logic with this simple genre.

Anyway. Hm. What should I say on this. Well, vampires, demons, angels and all were a little too typical for me. I wanted a character that is different, appealing and at the same time angering. I wanted a character I could feel close to, someone that didn't want to conform. I didn't want to conform to the typical setting. I want to make something that reminds me of myself and of my style, because if it isn't... I guess it's not as rewarding. So my heroine is... not totally nice per say, nor totally mean, but she is in-between, just like most people are I guess.

I am not totally sure how I am going to pull that off... but I was thinking of something that is closely linked to fairy tales. Since, obviously, a princess, a prince and a dragon... are the typical characters of a fairy tale. And, as it IS fantasy, it gives much more liberty to imagination. My biggest problem, I think, would be to make it short. Because right now, I'm seeing easily 6 endings... if not more. But I need to limit, limit and limit or I'll never finish it. XD

Haha... It's so weird. I mean, I know I have TONS of things to say about it. I just suddenly have a blank when I have to say it.

;P Sorry for sounding like a worry cat. I am just wondering how people feel about the plot. ...And I admit that I like to be reassured...
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#6 Post by sake-bento » Thu Jan 20, 2011 8:16 pm

Well, the truth is that someone will always bash your work. It's not that you're not any good. It's just that it's impossible to appeal to everyone. When you write, you're definitely making yourself vulnerable, and you'll have to learn to deal with that. Even if you get tons of advice and approval from us, there's going to be someone out there who doesn't like the final product, so don't let it get to you. You clearly have some good ideas and a direction you already want to go in. So do it.

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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#7 Post by musical74 » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:00 am

I'll add this...

The best advice I ever got for my novel-in-pregress applies here too - just write it. You have a great idea here, and I like where it is going. You will not be able to please everyone, but if 95% of the people say *go for it!!* it's a good indication. If one person whines *it's boring* but 14 others all praise it as gripping...ignore the one!
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#8 Post by Snowflower » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:09 am

musical74 wrote: The best advice I ever got for my novel-in-pregress applies here too - just write it.
You can never please 100% of your audience. There will always be people who shut other's works down. If you want to take their advice, go for it. If you don't that's perfectly fine too!

I like your originality in the piece. If the game is finished, I will play it. honestly, I think most of the people who play other's games shouldn't complain because the makers have put soooo much into them :)

Keep up the good work!!
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#9 Post by kinougames » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:28 am

While I agree with a lot of people here that not everyone will like your work, I don't really agree with a general consensus of "who cares about the opinions of others or advice" and I'm glad you are asking for it. Advice is how you get better. There are people who write for years and still are horrible at it because they never got decent advice.

I love your story idea, honestly, the only thing is that I'd get a really fabulous beta to help you switch some wording around and whatnot. :)
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#10 Post by sake-bento » Fri Jan 21, 2011 10:15 am

kinougames wrote:While I agree with a lot of people here that not everyone will like your work, I don't really agree with a general consensus of "who cares about the opinions of others or advice" and I'm glad you are asking for it. Advice is how you get better. There are people who write for years and still are horrible at it because they never got decent advice.

I love your story idea, honestly, the only thing is that I'd get a really fabulous beta to help you switch some wording around and whatnot. :)
Yes, getting advice is a good thing! Definitely this. I don't want you to think that you should just run off and do your thing with reckless abandon. I'm mostly worried that you seem ready to chuck this project at a moment's notice if someone seems even slightly uninterested in the premise.

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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#11 Post by kinougames » Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:51 pm

Also, it's worthwhile to note that you should avoid tone arguments when people give you crit. Even if the person is mean, they might have information that is worthwhile to be listened to. It's a good idea to read everything you get, even if you don't like it, because you really might learn something, or at least hear something you haven't heard before.
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#12 Post by jack_norton » Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:51 pm

sake-bento wrote: Honestly, I think you're worrying too much about the opinion of everyone else.
100% agree. It's a story, there will always be people complaining about it because is people's tastes. One of my favourite tv show is Lost, my gf hates it. So... 8)
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#13 Post by Megumi » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:55 pm

Uh. Well.

I do admit being freaked out as this is my first time. haha. ^^""

But I admit that even if I did stop doing the game, I'd have finished the story for personal enjoyment. It is just that I have some uh, confidence-issues, I guess, I need to work around with. The point of showing what I wrote was to see if, with this extreme push-around of my character, it could still interest people. Seeing the way you guys are reacting, I guess I was pointlessly worried. =3

I guess instead of being worried about the story at this stage... I should worry about doing the game instead. XD

Programming I can do, but complicate things I cannot. xD *goes back to sprites making*
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#14 Post by Blue Lemma » Fri Jan 21, 2011 4:11 pm

I wrote this a while back, but it still applies, I think:
http://lemmasoft.net/projects_devcenter_tips.html

Yep :) And sake-bento is right. You need to do it for yourself first and foremost!
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Re: Is the story worth the work?

#15 Post by Elenakiara » Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:05 pm

Me, I agree with what everyone's saying! :) I had a few doubts at first for the first VN that I'm making, but really, even the slightly more negative comments help you see from every side and possibly make your next stories better!

I think that what you wrote so far seems very interesting and I can't wait to read it! :)
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