Is the story worth the work?

[Applegate]

I haven't read what anyone's responded, so what I say will likely be a repeat, but I think you have to ask yourself, "Who am I writing this story for?", and your answer should be "me". You're not a professional, so there's no need to cater to the needs of others--what's important is to release a story that you feel is important, or fun enough to be told.

[tecm]

I wrote a short story with a similar idea once, so I feel safe saying I love the idea. I'd like to give you some advice though, feel free to ignore it (and/or think it's bloody stupid). you do seem to offer a little too much detail. For example look at this section here:

I grinned, my white teeth gleaming. She had grasped one of the discarded swords and had stared right into my eyes. Her aquamarine eyes sparkled with determination. <i>She</i> wanted to take me down.

here are the things I think are excessive and a little later I'll get to why:
One. white teeth gleaming
Two. the third sentence, yes all of it
okay, now why are these excessive? Because the art, which is just as much of a visual novel as the words, (though perhaps more then the sounds) should convey this information.
Other then that the only thing you really need is a proof reader and almost everyone needs one of those. Make Your project what ever length, and do whatever you like.
On a different note I'd be happy to proofread for you, or offer any other sort of assistance, save art or music generation since I suck at both of those.