Looking for Proofreader/Feedback on Writing

[CainVoorhees]

I'm almost pretty much finished on my first draft of the script I'm working on for my first visual novel. I'm not super-great at writing, but I think I've done enough for a first time VN. I also hear it's beneficial to have someone who's more proficient at writing to give feedback on what I've worked on so far.

VN Description:
Lights in the Sky is a visual novel inspired by the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic franchise. This VN follows Rising Star as she first sparks her interest in astronomy - a venture that'll lead her to her cutie mark. This first game covers the first act of her story as she meets her rival and explores an astronomy museum. The writing is meant to be all ages friendly and ideally about late Elementary/early Middle school level, but quality at the same time.

In terms of compensation, I'm afraid I don't have anything to offer but some work in return for your own game. I'm not great at a lot of things, but I can work on backgrounds and be a person to look to for feedback on writing.

Please let me know if you're interested by replying to this thread. Thank you.

[mjshi]

I'd like to help you. No services needed, since I'm bored this'll kill off some of my spare time

I can't really claim to be some great writer, but I'll help with (hopefully) helpful suggestions.

And as a grammar nazi, I guarantee you that there won't be a single spelling or grammar mistake XD

[CainVoorhees]

What would be the best way for me to send you the script?

[mjshi]

Probably by uploading "script.rpy" to Sendspace then PM-ing me the link. Sendspace automatically deletes files older than 30 days, but I check the forum pretty often so that's nothing to worry about.

EDIT: If you'd like, I can also write up a "changelog" of sorts, so that you can see exactly what I changed and where. Line number, what word, etc. etc. Yes, I am THAT bored.

EDIT 2: You might want to recruit two more proofreaders, just to make sure that the other proofreaders don't make mistakes (but if you don't, I promise I'll be extra careful and thorough)

[Nightydreams]

I'm open to proofreading for you, I've done it before and like to believe that I have some modicum of skill in it. The best way to get me to script would probably be via e-mail or if it's large, using something like send-space as Mjshi has already suggested.

[CainVoorhees]

Well, I've been writing the script in ren'py so sending the script.rpy file would be the best way for me without having to convert anything.

I'll send you two PMs when I have it available online. Thank you!