Seeking Feedback on May/Dec Otome

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kaleidofish
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Completed: Tell Her a Story (Nano12), In This Dream of Ours, The Mishka Effect (Nano14), Saving Zoey (Asylum Jam 2014), Fairly Dangerous (Nano15), Palette Swap (Nano16)
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Seeking Feedback on May/Dec Otome

#1 Post by kaleidofish » Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:13 pm

Hey, everyone!

I've reached a standstill with my project 7 Months in Between (link to my site). I'm not sure that the story is sending out the messages that I want it to send. What I'm going for is a more mature otome experience, but I'm worried that the story just boils down to any common drama story plot.

I'm looking for Feedback Agents that can play a super pre-alpha version of the script and give me feedback on their thoughts. What worked? What didn't work? Where should I go from here? There's currently a gap in the story where I added in a choice that can lead to a more character-centric route, but it doesn't go anywhere right now. I'm interested in hearing ideas for it. I'll talk more about it to anyone that's interested.

The story is about an aspiring hip hop producer who's trying to navigate her May/December (she's 23, he's 38) relationship. She's at that point in the relationship where he wants her to move in, settle down, and possibly even consider an engagement. Oh, and on top of everything else, he wants her to meet his 15 year old daughter. So now she's got to learn how to be the mother she's never had.

Meanwhile, she's also helping out a local spoken word poet become a rapper. Yeah!

This isn't a date 'em all game btw.

The story has a ton of endings, maybe too many. The GUI is basic since it's a pre-alpha. I put in backgrounds that are only in there so you know the setting. I'm just looking for people to focus on the story itself. There are probably more scenes to be added. Again, I'm not sure that this is going towards the direction that I want it to go in. Am I fooling myself that this story's something special/different?

Bonus points if you're familiar with Philly. Part of the reason why I wrote this was to dispel Killadelphia stereotypes. I want to lift up and represent my city in a positive way! XD

While the story is GxB, there are GxG themes within. Oh and if it's of interest to anyone (since it is to me), the cast is all POC save for one off-screen character. :lol:

If you want to play & give me feedback, either email me at kaleidofish[at]gmail[dot]com or send me a PM here. Feedback is highly appreciated!! Thanks, all.
avatar by 15385bic
Redwood Crossing * THE MISHKA EFFECT [NaNo14] * PALETTE SWAP [NaNo16] * FAIRLY DANGEROUS [NaNo15] * Twitter

Visit kaleidofishstudios.com to learn more about what I'm working on.

briannavon
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Re: Seeking Feedback on May/Dec Otome

#2 Post by briannavon » Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:26 pm

You are from Philadelphia? I live here! I hope you game goes well! :D
Join Me At LivingGame Productions!

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kaleidofish
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Completed: Tell Her a Story (Nano12), In This Dream of Ours, The Mishka Effect (Nano14), Saving Zoey (Asylum Jam 2014), Fairly Dangerous (Nano15), Palette Swap (Nano16)
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Re: Seeking Feedback on May/Dec Otome

#3 Post by kaleidofish » Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:00 pm

briannavon wrote:You are from Philadelphia? I live here! I hope you game goes well! :D
I grew up in a suburb right on the city's edge, but I've been living in the city for the past few years. Glad to see another Philadelphian here. XD Thanks!
avatar by 15385bic
Redwood Crossing * THE MISHKA EFFECT [NaNo14] * PALETTE SWAP [NaNo16] * FAIRLY DANGEROUS [NaNo15] * Twitter

Visit kaleidofishstudios.com to learn more about what I'm working on.

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Mad Harlequin
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Re: Seeking Feedback on May/Dec Otome

#4 Post by Mad Harlequin » Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:31 pm

I'm willing to help out! Philly is also close to my heart, so I'm quite excited to see a project set there. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you need from me, or what you'd like me to do while playing the alpha.

Best wishes!
I'm an aspiring writer and voice talent with a passion for literature and an unhealthy attachment to video games. I am also a seasoned typo-sniper. Inquiries are encouraged. Friendly chats are welcome.
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
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kaleidofish
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Posts: 292
Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:25 pm
Completed: Tell Her a Story (Nano12), In This Dream of Ours, The Mishka Effect (Nano14), Saving Zoey (Asylum Jam 2014), Fairly Dangerous (Nano15), Palette Swap (Nano16)
Projects: see my site!
Organization: Kaleidofish Studios, Team ANARKY
Tumblr: kaleidofish
Deviantart: kaleidofish
Location: Silent Hilladelphia
Contact:

Re: Seeking Feedback on May/Dec Otome

#5 Post by kaleidofish » Wed Apr 23, 2014 12:45 am

Mad Harlequin wrote:I'm willing to help out! Philly is also close to my heart, so I'm quite excited to see a project set there. Please don't hesitate to let me know what you need from me, or what you'd like me to do while playing the alpha.

Best wishes!
Thank you! PM sent. :D
avatar by 15385bic
Redwood Crossing * THE MISHKA EFFECT [NaNo14] * PALETTE SWAP [NaNo16] * FAIRLY DANGEROUS [NaNo15] * Twitter

Visit kaleidofishstudios.com to learn more about what I'm working on.

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