Alice Hunt, need everyone to finish this >.<

[sayaka-chan95]

Hello...now i'm currently working on my first ever VN named Alice Hunt. but since im still a noob at this so i think i need everyone's advice and help (maybe some of you want to join me?)

----------------------------------------------------

Alice Hunt
Genre : Mystery, Romance
Type : GxB

Synopsis *sorry for the bad english*:
in this game you'll play as a girl who later will be called Alice, you are an orphan who killed your family by accidentally burn your own home and you're the only survivor. and you'll be rescued by 5 young men who'll ask you to become their master for return. you'll live in a huge mansion with 4 servants, 1 butler and 1 maid. but even though you are the mistress of the mansion there are some place that you still don't know about, and even you don't know very much about your servants either. *uuh...i'm no good at making such a synopsys*
well...anyway in the end you have to choose one of your 5 servants (and your maid in one route) and learn the truth about your servants

Characters :
Heroine >

Alice : an orphan 16 years old young lady who live in a huge mansion named Alice nest with her 5 butler. She doesn’t have any family left after an accident caused by her which make her past home burned down to ashes. Rescued by the servants, they asked her to become their master and live in their mansion, then later she’ll be called Alice. A fresh, not spoiled, friendly, and caring girl. She like learning new things with her servants, and somewhat overprotected by them. In the end she have to choose one prince from her 5 knights.

Servants >

Altair : he’s the butler of the mansion. He was like Alice’s assistant, always accompany Alice wherever she go and organize everything for her. A polite and nice-looking guy who actually quite protective. He never let Alice know any further about him , and he said just treat him as an older brother to her.


Junes : a naughty-looking guy who is a teacher in the mansion, easy going and like to joke .He usually tease Alice while teaching her. Really really protective to Alice although he actually care pf her. Because of his charming appearance, he usually surrounded by his fangirls while he going out.


Lyon : a happy-go-lucky guy who responsible for mechanics and kitchen works. Alice think he looks so cute so she always treat him like a younger brother, even though he is actually older than her. Alice sometimes rather choose to eat with him in the kitchen than in dining room, because Lyon always offer her an extra dessert if she eat with him.


Feng : a quiet guy who seldomly talk even among the servants, but an exception only for Alice and Lyon, so sometimes they hang out together or helping Lyon with mechanic works. He responsible for storage stuff and interior arrangement. Despite of his cold look, he actually warm at heart and really kind, when Alice had fever, he’s the one who take care of her and watch for her all night long.


Gray : almost like Feng, but his coldness passed Feng’s. he doesn’t care for Alice at all (or at least so she said). He responsible for security of the mansion, so he was like always patrolling around mansion every night and one time he ask Alice if she want to patrolling together with him and in the end he tell story about ghost stuff to scare her.


Elisa : the only female maid in mansion. She do the laundry and cleaning. Sister-like person and have a tender loving smile, but there’s something mysterious behind her smiling face, like…

Other >

unknown girl : a girl who Alice saw first time on the entrance of the mansion with an afraid expression on her face and said to Alice that she shouldn’t be in that mansion. Alice once ask about that girl to her servants, but they never say any word about her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Progress :
Script --> 55% (by sayaka-chan95 and SilverxBlue)
Sprites --> 20% (by sayaka-chan95 and ageha1sBf)
programming --> 30% (YuukiCrossPudding)
BGs,CGs,BMs, and BSs --> 0% (BGs : sayaka-chan95, BMs : NiceVibes *not fix*)

everything is still a scratch but i hope everyone willingly volunteer to help me finish my VN. oh, and i'm currently searching for :
programmer
BG artist *dying need this, you just have to colored it, i'll make the lineart XP*
BM artist *still looking since it's not fixed yet*
*and anyone who want to help*

[JadeOokami]

I'm curious - is there a reason that 5 guys randomly ask Alice to be their master? It seems a little strange to me that they would place a stranger in a wealthy position, and also their boss.

Otherwise, though, I think it sounds cute. And the route for the maid is a good idea, lol. (I think you might want to look for an editor/proofreader too though)

[sayaka-chan95]

thank you for the reply ^_^

uum...but i don't know what proofreader work, but if it editor SilverxBlue is already on charge on that *sorry*

but cheering will also help so much you know =3

[vedicardi]

Jade is saying part of the plot doesn't make sense to him/her. Jade is asking you to explain it.

[sayaka-chan95]

^
and which part of it jade?

[vedicardi]

The actual reason these five random men wanted to be her servants. It doesn't make sense. What is their intent? Alice's bio says they asked her to let them be her servants and Altair's says that she asked them to be her servants.

The bio for the mysterious girl is really funny by the way, I like it.

[SilverxBlue]

Nice work on the character art..! I really like your motivation...
Lyon looks so cute he really does fit for a little brother, Altair looks like a person who wants control in everything and Feng looks so cool and he looks so laid back even if he actually isn't.
Oh, and Junes gets another fangirl and so will gray...

I guess I'll answer on behalf of sayaka-chan (I hope you don't mind sayaka-chan you could just add some more and tell them that my answer is wrong)...
It's because they wanted a new mistress, and the house was really boring without one. That is the main reason and other reasons will be kept secret...
I know it's a dense answer but we don't want to give away spoilers

[sayaka-chan95]

@ silver : thank you..i also really like the characters image because it fit their character so well,and about altair's i think i'll redraw him (on that sprite he look like a vampire XP)

@ jade : exactly as silver said..the reason why they choose her will be explained at the end of the game, if i tell ill spoil another major spoiler again XP
and i think you mistaken something jade,altair didnt said anything about alice ask them to be her servant. Its the reverse

[vedicardi]

Oh, you're right, I misread.

I didn't know it was supposed to be a "secret" plot point. Thanks for answering

[lepapillonrouge]

So, how do you pronounce Junes' name, anyway?


...because everyday is great at your Junes.


Besides that, it sound interesting.

[sayaka-chan95]

@lepa : hum...i think the 'E' is pronounced like "Emily", so yeah..

does it sound like it? anyway what is "everyday is great at your junes"? sounds interestng

[Abeiramar]

does it sound like it? anyway what is "everyday is great at your junes"? sounds interestng

Junes is a fictional store from Persona 4.
"Everyday is great at your Junes" is the jingle of the store's commercial :p .

[sayaka-chan95]

ooh..so maybe in this game i can also put something like
'everyday's great with our junes' for junes's fangirls XD *kidding*

[JadeOokami]

So sorry I didn't reply! It was like I disappeared D: I forgot to check back to see what you said.

Okay, I see! I had wondered why the boys would ask a random stranger to be their 'master', but I guess bordem is a good a reason as any, lol. (And I had also meant that I thought you just needed a proofreader/editor because your writing looked like it needed it, but if you have one, that's great!)

Also. Yes. Yes you should have the Junes's jingle in there. That alone might make me play it whenever it's completed, lol.

[pondrthis]

Nice sprites. Feng is just a little... hmm... flamboyant for a mechanic though, wouldn't you say? Mechanics can't wear white shirts every day and fluff their hair like that, the grease would be awful. On the other hand, you show good insight into keeping the chef's hair short, as it should be. The only other complaint about character design I might have pertains to the not-so-mysterious girl... she's too green, I think.

Other than those two beefs, I think your character design is better than I usually see around here. I like them a lot! Even as a straight male, I might end up playing this game...