Opinion of an otome game I have in mind

[Red-Baby]

Hi everyone!

I have a pathetic idea for an Otome in mind and would just like to get some opinions about it =]
Here's a little blurb I wrote out on the 17th... whenever the heck that way 0.o

• Ophelia is on winter break, and bored out of her mind. Drawing doodles in her sketch book is no longer amusing for the 21 year old girl. After downloading an otome, she becomes hooked on the world of dating games. Feeling like she’s played every single otome available to her, the girl’s boredom returns once again. Since she loves otomes so much, she decided to make one herself! But she will need help... asking her friends to be her source of ‘inspiration’ will Ophelia live out her own life like an otome?

Basically Ophelia goes out on a few dates with her friends to get some material for her game. Her friends also have very different personalities; the shy housewife type, the athletic gym junkie, and the nerdy geek. Which help her to form the three main characters for her game.

I'm still working on the concept but just want to get some thoughts and critiques please =]
Thanks for your time all!

[fleet]

It's not pathetic; don't belittle your idea. Go for it. Unless the artwork you use is really crappy, someone will play it. I'm not a moderator, but your post might be more appropriate in the Ideas sub-forum.

[Razz]

I think it sounds cute! And you could have some pretty good humor with the main character trying to do act like an otome game, and possibly seeing how unpractical it can be.

[Sapphi]

I think it sounds cute! And you could have some pretty good humor with the main character trying to do act like an otome game, and possibly seeing how unpractical it can be.

Yeah, I think this has the potential for much hilarity actually.

I can just see the main character excitedly running around looking for good "role models" for the "ideal characters" she has in mind and encountering actual human beings who can't be pegged into any one ideal. Bonus funny points if none of these poor men know what the heck a visual novel even is.

That said, I have to say I think it would work better as a comedy or a satire than an actual romance game. It might get a little anvilicious otherwise ("Oh, Hank, I see now that not all nice men have to be bishounen! I shouldn't have been so shallow!").

[Omnificent]

It's an interesting idea that could be executed well, but how did she manage to get three friends with conveniently diametric personalities? It would almost make more sense for her to grab one of her friends + some random classmates/strangers.

To say nothing of how much more interesting it would be having to take different approaches for each of them.

Approach #1:

Protagonist: Hello neighbor and best friend since middle school, I'm making a game where a girl needs to find a date to avert the apocalypse. How would you like to do the art for it?
Best Friend: Uh, sure.
Best Friend: Wait, are you sure you want me to do your art? I don't draw guys, just hot chicks, dinos and swords.
Protagonist: Right. Never mind.
Protagonist: In that case, I'll just... use you as a model for one of the obtainables!
Best Friend: *looks down at self* Physically?
Protagonist: Artistic license!
Protagonist: You, me, tonight at 6 PM, let's-a-go on a date.
Best Friend: Isn't this going a little-
Best Friend: Ahhh fine, see you at 6.
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* GREAT SUCCESS

Approach #2:

Protagonist: Clyde! Just the man I was looking for.
Clyde: Do I... know you?
Protagonist: Cold! We only worked on a project together.
Clyde: Right.
Clyde: Yeah, we only worked on a project together. Last semester.
Clyde: Haven't talked since.
Clyde: We done here?
Protagonist: Clyde, Clyde, Clyde! If we were done here we would never have even started here, my friend.
Protagonist: Let me make you a proposition.
Protagonist: I will give you back your backpack.
Clyde: W-when did you get that?!
Protagonist: Ninjaskills.
Protagonist: Anyways. I will give you back your backpack! Iiiiiiiiiif-
Protagonist: You agree to becoming my guinea pig. And by becoming my guinea pig I mean just letting me observe you so that I can replicate your personality in a dating simulation for girls to faint over.
Clyde: That's it?
Protagonist: That's it.
Clyde: You're delusional on at least three different levels, but I need my backpack.
Clyde: You win this round.
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* ASTOUNDING SUCCESS

Approach #3:

Protagonist: Mr. Oberlin!
Mr. Oberlin: Oh, [Protagonist]. What brings you to my office?
Protagonist: I need your help on a project!
Mr. Oberlin: A science project?
Protagonist: Sure! Well, more of a computer science project, really.
Mr. Oberlin: *frowns* Ah, I'm afraid that's a bit out of my expertise. Maybe you should talk to Mr. Dav-
Protagonist: Mr. Davensworth? He's no good for this.
Protagonist: This is something only you can help me with!
Mr. Oberlin: Huh.
Mr. Oberlin: What's the project?
Protagonist: I need to make you dateable.
Mr. Oberlin: Er, what?
Protagonist: Not in reality! You're perfectly dateable as it is, in reality, though not by me because that's highly ille-
Protagonist: Anyways!
Protagonist: I'm making this romance game, and I was thinking of basing one of the eligible bachelors off of you.
Mr. Oberlin: I see.
Mr. Oberlin: Well, as long as you're just using my likeness and not my name, I'm sure it's all right.
Protagonist: Okay! And is it all right if I say random things, ask you somewhat personal questions, and give stuff to you to gauge your reactions?
Mr. Oberlin: Survey-type things? Certainly. Though I wouldn't recommend gifts.
Protagonist: Very well!
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* PARTIAL SUCCESS

Approach #4:

Protagonist: *stares*
Most Popular Guy In School: *talks with friends*
Protagonist: *stares some more*
MPGIS: *notices Protagonist*
Protagonist: *does not avert gaze*
MPGIS: ...hold on one sec, guys.
MPGIS: *walks over to protagonist* Hey.
MPGIS: I noticed you were looking my way, do you... need something?
Protagonist: Yes. Yes, I do.
Protagonist: When did you get so popular? How many friends do you have? How many real friends do you have? What sports do you do? What clubs are you in? What's your GPA? You're not even the most attractive guy in school, so why do all the girls flock to you?
MPGIS: Uh.
MPGIS: Are you with the school newspaper?
Protagonist: I am whatever you want me to be, baby~
MPGIS: Okay, I don't know who you are, but you're kind of freaking me out.
Protagonist: I tend to have that effect on people. Curious.
MPGIS: Yeaaaaah.
MPGIS: *takes out wallet* How much do you want for staying far, far away from me?
Protagonist: 30 minutes of your time!
MPGIS: All right, fine.
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* CLEARLY PLAYING HARD TO GET

I got a little carried away here, but you get the idea. <_< If you use this premise, run as far with it as you can possibly go.

[Twisted-Eva]

It's an interesting idea that could be executed well, but how did she manage to get three friends with conveniently diametric personalities? It would almost make more sense for her to grab one of her friends + some random classmates/strangers.

To say nothing of how much more interesting it would be having to take different approaches for each of them.

Approach #1:

Protagonist: Hello neighbor and best friend since middle school, I'm making a game where a girl needs to find a date to avert the apocalypse. How would you like to do the art for it?
Best Friend: Uh, sure.
Best Friend: Wait, are you sure you want me to do your art? I don't draw guys, just hot chicks, dinos and swords.
Protagonist: Right. Never mind.
Protagonist: In that case, I'll just... use you as a model for one of the obtainables!
Best Friend: *looks down at self* Physically?
Protagonist: Artistic license!
Protagonist: You, me, tonight at 6 PM, let's-a-go on a date.
Best Friend: Isn't this going a little-
Best Friend: Ahhh fine, see you at 6.
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* GREAT SUCCESS

Approach #2:

Protagonist: Clyde! Just the man I was looking for.
Clyde: Do I... know you?
Protagonist: Cold! We only worked on a project together.
Clyde: Right.
Clyde: Yeah, we only worked on a project together. Last semester.
Clyde: Haven't talked since.
Clyde: We done here?
Protagonist: Clyde, Clyde, Clyde! If we were done here we would never have even started here, my friend.
Protagonist: Let me make you a proposition.
Protagonist: I will give you back your backpack.
Clyde: W-when did you get that?!
Protagonist: Ninjaskills.
Protagonist: Anyways. I will give you back your backpack! Iiiiiiiiiif-
Protagonist: You agree to becoming my guinea pig. And by becoming my guinea pig I mean just letting me observe you so that I can replicate your personality in a dating simulation for girls to faint over.
Clyde: That's it?
Protagonist: That's it.
Clyde: You're delusional on at least three different levels, but I need my backpack.
Clyde: You win this round.
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* ASTOUNDING SUCCESS

Approach #3:

Protagonist: Mr. Oberlin!
Mr. Oberlin: Oh, [Protagonist]. What brings you to my office?
Protagonist: I need your help on a project!
Mr. Oberlin: A science project?
Protagonist: Sure! Well, more of a computer science project, really.
Mr. Oberlin: *frowns* Ah, I'm afraid that's a bit out of my expertise. Maybe you should talk to Mr. Dav-
Protagonist: Mr. Davensworth? He's no good for this.
Protagonist: This is something only you can help me with!
Mr. Oberlin: Huh.
Mr. Oberlin: What's the project?
Protagonist: I need to make you dateable.
Mr. Oberlin: Er, what?
Protagonist: Not in reality! You're perfectly dateable as it is, in reality, though not by me because that's highly ille-
Protagonist: Anyways!
Protagonist: I'm making this romance game, and I was thinking of basing one of the eligible bachelors off of you.
Mr. Oberlin: I see.
Mr. Oberlin: Well, as long as you're just using my likeness and not my name, I'm sure it's all right.
Protagonist: Okay! And is it all right if I say random things, ask you somewhat personal questions, and give stuff to you to gauge your reactions?
Mr. Oberlin: Survey-type things? Certainly. Though I wouldn't recommend gifts.
Protagonist: Very well!
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* PARTIAL SUCCESS

Approach #4:

Protagonist: *stares*
Most Popular Guy In School: *talks with friends*
Protagonist: *stares some more*
MPGIS: *notices Protagonist*
Protagonist: *does not avert gaze*
MPGIS: ...hold on one sec, guys.
MPGIS: *walks over to protagonist* Hey.
MPGIS: I noticed you were looking my way, do you... need something?
Protagonist: Yes. Yes, I do.
Protagonist: When did you get so popular? How many friends do you have? How many real friends do you have? What sports do you do? What clubs are you in? What's your GPA? You're not even the most attractive guy in school, so why do all the girls flock to you?
MPGIS: Uh.
MPGIS: Are you with the school newspaper?
Protagonist: I am whatever you want me to be, baby~
MPGIS: Okay, I don't know who you are, but you're kind of freaking me out.
Protagonist: I tend to have that effect on people. Curious.
MPGIS: Yeaaaaah.
MPGIS: *takes out wallet* How much do you want for staying far, far away from me?
Protagonist: 30 minutes of your time!
MPGIS: All right, fine.
Protagonist: *makes checkmark in notebook* CLEARLY PLAYING HARD TO GET

I got a little carried away here, but you get the idea. <_< If you use this premise, run as far with it as you can possibly go.

I'm surprised you didn't include a hypothetical scenario where a foreign exchange student from Denmark named Hamlet just for kicks. Because you know... make Hamlet a tsundere and maybe have him save Ophelia from

drowning in a body of water.

[hiko27]

Awww, I think this is a cute and will be a funny one. Plus I've rarely seen games where they actually incorporate the topic of games itself into the game. Maybe girls like me will be able to relate to this? XDDDD Go for it.

[Red-Baby]

Awww, I think this is a cute and will be a funny one. Plus I've rarely seen games where they actually incorporate the topic of games itself into the game. Maybe girls like me will be able to relate to this? XDDDD Go for it.

Hehe in all honesty the game is just a tiny little bit based on my life as i try to make the game itself, haha
I think it's just for my own personal kicks but if it can be a source of entertainment for other's i'd be really happy =D

I'm surprised you didn't include a hypothetical scenario where a foreign exchange student from Denmark named Hamlet just for kicks. Because you know... make Hamlet a tsundere and maybe have him save Ophelia from

drowning in a body of water.

I might just take your idea on note and pad =D
even if you werent serious I'd get a lol out of it hahaa

Yeah, I think this has the potential for much hilarity actually.

I can just see the main character excitedly running around looking for good "role models" for the "ideal characters" she has in mind and encountering actual human beings who can't be pegged into any one ideal. Bonus funny points if none of these poor men know what the heck a visual novel even is.

That said, I have to say I think it would work better as a comedy or a satire than an actual romance game. It might get a little anvilicious otherwise ("Oh, Hank, I see now that not all nice men have to be bishounen! I shouldn't have been so shallow!").

The idea of it was at first purely just for my own personal kicks =]
so i think it probably will be very silly with bad puns and lame jokes haha
And funny you should say bonus points for not knowing what a VN is....
that's actually my opening chapter XD

Exert from my draft/planning

Lia states she is making an otome game
Roan asks ‘Otome?’
Lia smile and explains with glee:
‘Yup, Otome! It’s a game directed towards girls, such as myself, where you play the heroine trying to find love among a sea of hot sexy eligible men.’
Roan raises his brow again
‘So it’s like an Eroge for girls?’
Lia pouting ‘No! You make it sound perverse! But it’s not! Otomes are about love and romance! Eroges are about panty shots and boobs.’

I think it sounds cute! And you could have some pretty good humor with the main character trying to do act like an otome game, and possibly seeing how unpractical it can be.

Hehe thanks!
I'm glad so many people like the idea, and are providing some good material for me to work with =D

It's not pathetic; don't belittle your idea. Go for it. Unless the artwork you use is really crappy, someone will play it. I'm not a moderator, but your post might be more appropriate in the Ideas sub-forum.

Thanks =]
I don't think my artwork is crappy.... but I do admit it needs more work

[Red-Baby]

It's an interesting idea that could be executed well, but how did she manage to get three friends with conveniently diametric personalities? It would almost make more sense for her to grab one of her friends + some random classmates/strangers.

To say nothing of how much more interesting it would be having to take different approaches for each of them.

I lol'd so hard i think i nearly wet myself XDDDD
You're approaches are interesting but i already planned out how things go with the three main guys
maybe i'll add another character =D hehe

and in all honesty... the guys are based off some of my friends XD
well... actually....
One of them is one of my oldest OCs that is based off the way i used to be when i was young and innocent [i'm in old fart now haha but he's the cute shy housewifey type]
One of them is based of my friend from school [super geeky nerdy type]
the other is based off... well... let's say a guy i'm 'friends' with.... ok you caught me!
the last guy is based off the hot coffee guy that works at my uni that i talk to on occassion... I dont even like coffee XDDD [athletic gym junkie proactive type]

There's also a secret character!! [based off my current boyfriend - the perfect type] You'll find out more about him later
bwahaha!!