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[shikatarose]

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[plainviewer]

I just finished reading everything. I'll keep my critique very condensed and only note the more obvious things. If you want the full critique, just ask.

She's 700 years old, but hasn't been able to fix her emotional or mental problems. That doesn't seem realistic. Unless someone is deliberately undermining her. In that case, her condition would only degrade in all that time.

If she'll attack her own allies while angry, no one would trust someone like that to be a protector.

Doesn't make sense for her to be a kid. It should just be the adult form she was in before meeting that demon.

The term "demon" is being used too loosely for this "Ryel" character. Demons are the embodiment of negativity. They're self-serving. A powerful demon wouldn't take pity on a human and help them. The more realistic version of this relationship, is Ryel would enslave Sonia for her powers. Sonia would then grow to loathe her more than anything, not love her.

Her background is too unrealistically depressing. It doesn't sound like she was living in an unprogressive society, where she'd be unfairly treated. She also had a loving family. Even in the real world, people dedicated to religions still have social lives; they still make friends with fellow followers of their faith. And not every waking hour needs to be dedicated to studying (no one can realistically do that, it's too unhealthy). Granted, she didn't have the most ideal childhood, it certainly doesn't warrant the serious condition of depression.

I don't know why her family has to be the only ones capable of things like binding spells or repelling demons. Maybe they're born with powers that let them do it more effectively. But the only ones that can do it at all? Too unrealistic. Even if that's true, why don't they have multiple children as opposed to just one per generation? If that one kid gets sick or dies prematurely, then you can't repel the demons any longer.

People don't suddenly become homicidal from traumatic events. It would be different if she suffered abuse. In her case, she just witnessed something terrible. Usually people in these situations become very frightened and introverted. I also find it hard to believe that after spending her entire life practicing her powers, "fear" allows her to lose so much control, that it causes the death of her entire village.

Why can't Ryel just fix Sonia's emotional problems, instead of just limiting them? If Sonia is still so susceptible to these feelings she's afraid of, then Ryel hasn't solved anything. And if she's that powerful, I don't understand why Ryel couldn't do something as small as manipulating Sonia's feelings to where they don't bother her anymore.

If a priestess starts attacking people, she should be immediately examined. The demon would have been discovered, and likely prevented the aforementioned incident.

I'll end it here before the message gets any longer. Again, if you want the full critique, let me know.

Also, sorry if it sounded too blunt at times. I try my best to keep my criticisms accurate, but courteous.

[trooper6]

I started reading and then got to this:

Age-700 but looks 10

Orientation-Choose to be lesbian due to her fear and dislike of men. Unlike her mistress she never enjoys there company. But even with liking girls she believes Ryel is the only one worthy of her love.

...

Mental Disorder/Ailment- Despite her calm look and quiet nature, Sonia has an unstable mind. When feeling endangered she becomes very violent and crazy. She'll attack anyone who threatens her or those she cares about. Sometimes though she'll even attack Ryel if she's berserk enough.

I don't particularly like sexualized 10 year olds (even if they are "really" 700).
I don't particularly like narratives that play into the tired stereotype that lesbians choose lesbianism due to fear and dislike of men.
I don't particularly like things that seems to play into homicidal lesbian stereotypes.

So this game is not for me.

[shikatarose]

I just finished reading everything. I'll keep my critique very condensed and only note the more obvious things. If you want the full critique, just ask.

She's 700 years old, but hasn't been able to fix her emotional or mental problems. That doesn't seem realistic. Unless someone is deliberately undermining her. In that case, her condition would only degrade in all that time.

If she'll attack her own allies while angry, no one would trust someone like that to be a protector.

Doesn't make sense for her to be a kid. It should just be the adult form she was in before meeting that demon.

The term "demon" is being used too loosely for this "Ryel" character. Demons are the embodiment of negativity. They're self-serving. A powerful demon wouldn't take pity on a human and help them. The more realistic version of this relationship, is Ryel would enslave Sonia for her powers. Sonia would then grow to loathe her more than anything, not love her.

Her background is too unrealistically depressing. It doesn't sound like she was living in an unprogressive society, where she'd be unfairly treated. She also had a loving family. Even in the real world, people dedicated to religions still have social lives; they still make friends with fellow followers of their faith. And not every waking hour needs to be dedicated to studying (no one can realistically do that, it's too unhealthy). Granted, she didn't have the most ideal childhood, it certainly doesn't warrant the serious condition of depression.

I don't know why her family has to be the only ones capable of things like binding spells or repelling demons. Maybe they're born with powers that let them do it more effectively. But the only ones that can do it at all? Too unrealistic. Even if that's true, why don't they have multiple children as opposed to just one per generation? If that one kid gets sick or dies prematurely, then you can't repel the demons any longer.

People don't suddenly become homicidal from traumatic events. It would be different if she suffered abuse. In her case, she just witnessed something terrible. Usually people in these situations become very frightened and introverted. I also find it hard to believe that after spending her entire life practicing her powers, "fear" allows her to lose so much control, that it causes the death of her entire village.

Why can't Ryel just fix Sonia's emotional problems, instead of just limiting them? If Sonia is still so susceptible to these feelings she's afraid of, then Ryel hasn't solved anything. And if she's that powerful, I don't understand why Ryel couldn't do something as small as manipulating Sonia's feelings to where they don't bother her anymore.

If a priestess starts attacking people, she should be immediately examined. The demon would have been discovered, and likely prevented the aforementioned incident.

I'll end it here before the message gets any longer. Again, if you want the full critique, let me know.

Also, sorry if it sounded too blunt at times. I try my best to keep my criticisms accurate, but courteous.

Ah thank you for the critique . I see some points are valid and am grateful for the help. The only things I don't really agree with is how Ryel can't be kind just because she's a demon. In games like Seduce Me they come to care for the main girl. The only other thing I didn't agree one that Sonia couldn't get depressed from a traumatic and that Ryel can just fix her. Depression isn't something that can be easily healed once you have it sadly. Trust me...I know. But that's really it. I did find the rest helpful and will go back and change her. Thanks again =).

[shikatarose]

I started reading and then got to this:

Age-700 but looks 10

Orientation-Choose to be lesbian due to her fear and dislike of men. Unlike her mistress she never enjoys there company. But even with liking girls she believes Ryel is the only one worthy of her love.

...

Mental Disorder/Ailment- Despite her calm look and quiet nature, Sonia has an unstable mind. When feeling endangered she becomes very violent and crazy. She'll attack anyone who threatens her or those she cares about. Sometimes though she'll even attack Ryel if she's berserk enough.

I don't particularly like sexualized 10 year olds (even if they are "really" 700).
I don't particularly like narratives that play into the tired stereotype that lesbians choose lesbianism due to fear and dislike of men.
I don't particularly like things that seems to play into homicidal lesbian stereotypes.

So this game is not for me.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I didn't mean for you to interpret her as being like that as a ten year old but I didn't explain myself well enough and some parts were confusing. I would never write something like that. I actually was thinking of her true form when writing this but I don't have that as a sprite yet. As for the stereotypes I'm glad you told them to me so I know what not to do. Just wish is was in a more constructive way.

[BrokenAngel75]

I started reading and then got to this:

Age-700 but looks 10

Orientation-Choose to be lesbian due to her fear and dislike of men. Unlike her mistress she never enjoys there company. But even with liking girls she believes Ryel is the only one worthy of her love.

...

Mental Disorder/Ailment- Despite her calm look and quiet nature, Sonia has an unstable mind. When feeling endangered she becomes very violent and crazy. She'll attack anyone who threatens her or those she cares about. Sometimes though she'll even attack Ryel if she's berserk enough.

I don't particularly like sexualized 10 year olds (even if they are "really" 700).
I don't particularly like narratives that play into the tired stereotype that lesbians choose lesbianism due to fear and dislike of men.
I don't particularly like things that seems to play into homicidal lesbian stereotypes.

So this game is not for me.

I find the first person's post to be helpful. This is just a bit unnecessary to me. It's better to help her out instead of just saying you won't play. As for the ten year old thing I doubt she meant it like that and maybe asking the writer what they meant to say would've been more helpful. And yes we all have the games we'll like and the games we won't, but it's better to be encouraging instead of hurtful.