Lemma Soft Forums

MAJOR UPDATE!

The script... IT IS COMPLETE. Now at version 0.1.1 (second draft.)

Art:
Deji was kind enough to do a full color sketch of every major character in the game! Fear the moe moe protagonist!

And I've just signed on Jodie Azhar from Sweatdrop Studios to do the gallery images! YAY~!

Music:
Notta chance.

A special sneak preview of my favorite lines so far:

The power of subtext compels you!
Talia explains her shipping preferences.

Ethan: What? He's a diplomat! He hasn't got any combat stats.
Izzy: Though he does have the special ability Douchebag, which makes all intelligent creatures in hearing range want to throttle him.
Talia as Timothy: "My character's only avoided it because I maxed out her Will save."
- Regarding a certian nameless NPC.

Talia: I stride up to the soon-to-be-dead archer that hurt my lover and strike him down. ...with a basic attack. Not an at-will power... she's so scared and so hurt by this that Miss Tactics herself does something stupid.
- Talia milking her character's situation for drama to attract Ethan's attention.

Isabel: It's just... my parents called last night.
Talia: Oh.
Isabel: ...they're wondering when I'm going to get a boyfriend.
Talia: ...that sucks.
- Isabel tells a half-truth about explains why she's been nervous around Talia this weekend.

Lisa: T, what's gotten into you?
Talia: Nothing~!
Lisa: Right... and i'll just ram my ovipositor down your throat and lay millions of glistening eggs. Did I mention that I'm not an alien?
Talia: ...Ew.
-Regarding an Evil Plot of Talia's.

Isabel: "I've just gone from zero to YouTube in less than five seconds, haven't I?"
- Regarding someone recording one of her Random Acts Of Squee.

And that's all the time we have for today!

-Added the "Alex's Play" subplot in damn near it's entirety (and therefore, component 1 of the true ending.)

-Implemented the good ending and the best ending with Isabel.

Tomorrow: The Dates of Doom.

Good luck! Is there any way we can tempt you into a demo?

I'm a complete D&D geek ...

Great watching your progress. Looking forward to this game, if only for the transgendered protagonist, being one such person myself.

Good luck!

When I finish the script - which should only take around a day or two, the beta test will be up before you can say "How can one person cram so many Ren'Py game references into a single visual novel!?"

May as well take this opportunity to post an update.

I finished the good "coming out" ending as well as the better "coming out" ending, but not all of the branches that lead you there.

I also finished Ethan and Talia's first date!

Minor edit: I also just knocked off a certian boy's confession of love to Talia!

Next on the agenda, the events of Thursday, and the ramifications of said first date.

And the quote of the day is!

Isabel: "I've just gone from zero to YouTube in less than five seconds, haven't I?"
- Regarding someone recording one of her Random Acts Of Squee.

THE FIRST DRAFT OF THE SCRIPT IS COMPLETE.

YOU SHALL LOVE ETHAN, AND DESPAIR.

(Or not. It all depends on the choices you make.)

So anyway! I'm am certian that there are long stretches of prose that are more purple than the description of a dress worn by a Mary Sue fan of Prince.

Not to mention...

...that peculiar disease...

...of the Visual Novel.

The much feared...

...dreaded, even...

...Overused Ellipsis.



So, download away, and please post as many constructive critiques as you can. I'm looking forward to hearing what you think!

Tsundere Lightning wrote: ...Overused Ellipsis.

Un-possible!

MorningStar had about 1,300 ellipses in its script.

You learn these things when you're losing grip on reality at the end of a NaNo project and running word counts

Typo, play-through 1.

"Not he's ever do something like that" = Not that he'll ever do something like that or Not that he would ever do something like that ...

I have no idea what they're talking about the beginning. Reminds me of browsing /a.

Sometimes, there's a blank screen and I don't know why. I have to click again to show any text.

Okay, the ellipsis thing is driving me up the wall. I don't know why. I'm no better: I just use a "—" instead to break up my thoughts or an ", and" or ", then" ... I know it's a VN tradition, but damn.

I give up. Black screens are throwing me off, since I beta-test to keep those out of my game.

While I don't mind ellipses in the game to indicate time passing, I'm not a fan of having multiple lines of ellipses in a row. (*cough* ATP *cough*) One is enough to get the point, and longer breaks of time probably deserve text, to make them less boring.

Yeah, I also found the blank screens confusing. I think they'd be best either removed, or replaced with "..." or "~ ~ ~" or "* * *" or something.
(I didn't just recommend you add more ellipses to the game, did I? )

I also found the anime from the first scene somewhat confusing. The combination of fan-speak such as OTP with characters from some anime I hadn't heard of made me feel somewhat intimidated. Thankfully I stuck with the game, because I came to really enjoy it. But the Venus Warriors stuff did feel like... well, like listening to people talk about a series that you haven't seen.
(And in fact, it turns out, that doesn't even exist.)

BCS:

My apologies. This was, as most first drafts are, a terrible first draft.

Ren'Py:

See above. I was more worried with getting the story out onto paper than technical quality.

chrono:

No. Dear. God. No. Do not suggest more ellipses. I have enough trouble preventing ellipses from reproducing in the presence of angst in much the same way that PuffyCats clone in the presence of puns - Do NOT suggest I include more. The ellipses annoy ME. AND I WROTE THE DAMN THING.

Those blank scenes are placeholders for the sprites shifting expression, whether slightly or dramatically... But in builds without sprites, they should BLOODY DIE. This is my being a dumb noob. Maybe replace them with descriptions of the expressions?

The ~~~ mark shifts in time and/or scene.

Based on the critical reation, my priorities for 0.2.0 are:

• Rewrite the post-anime club scene so that it's not so damn referential: just Ethan having enjoyed it and talking about it and Talia Timothy being fangirlish, but not to the point of distraction. What Venus Warriors is (apart from it being a fairly generic shoujou series and shout-out to Pygmalion) is not nearly as important as Ethan and Talia sharing an affection for the series. Incidentally,
  was "Galatea Doujin by Andrew Bernard Higgens" the tip-off, Chrono?
• Rewrite the Dungeons and Dragons scene so that it's more about character interaction and less about an improbable number of critical hits.
• Any other examples of runaway references or fannishness: ref I'll cut the Awesome Moment of Crowning inversion and identifying "Never attribute to malice what stupidity alone can accomplish" as Hanlon's Razor, and so on.
• Rewrite the choice with Lisa such that the truth comes out during a Bliss Stage one-shot: If Talia decides to play as the moe innocent Sarah in order to riff off Ethan's choice of lothario Keenan, it will confirm Lisa's mounting suspicions regarding her NAILING the role of Amy in the play. The Power Of Subtext (And Spicy Mechanics) Compels Me!
• Shoot unneeded ellipses on sight.

Sound like a reasonable goal?

Tsundere Lightning wrote:]in much the same way that PuffyCats clone in the presence of puns

Now that was a great reference. And at least one other person on the board has a chance of getting it, too.

I am (much like Chronoluminare) a Toothy Cat! I post! Post! Post!

I guess I need help toning the references down, is all.