Thinks (bwahaha ¬.¬) to look for when editing a Ren'Ai game

[Tage]

　heeeyy!

I'm posting here to get everyone's opinion on what to look for while editing a Ren'Ai game! When all of it is complete, it will be submitted to renaigames.com and possibly posted up in the Dev Center. Not one person alone is taking credit for this, and no names will be put down. It's just going to be a combined effort of this forum! =P

After a useful list has been created, I guess I'll edit it and submit it... n.n;

Basic rules for posting here:

• Give a detailed explanation of your opinion
• Give a detailed excuse for your opinion.

I'll go first!

The two major mistakes I see constantly are spelling/grammar mistakes and not keeping track of what the player has already done story-wise.

For spelling mistakes, double-check spellings on words you are not sure of. Possibly run the script through a spell-checker to point out obvious mistakes. However, instead of letting the spell-checker correct it for you, read the sentence it's in and correct it yourself. A tip from me is to read each sentence you write after you write it and before you write the next sentence. That way, you won't have much work to do when the script is complete. For grammatical mistakes, I often see people confusing the the uses of "your" and "you're." Some more mistakes are in the uses of "their," "there," and "they're." One I see left often, but often enough to mention is the use of the verb "lead." I've seen many people use "lead" as the past tense of "lead." Actually, "led" is the past tense of "lead." So make sure to not rely on spell-checkers and grammar-checkers!! Only you know exactly what you meant to say. Now, I'm not saying you should watch your spelling and grammar because I'm a stickler. =P I'm saying this because when people that know the correct spelling or the difference in the uses of grammar read your story, they will get stuck on that mispelled or grammatically incorrect sentence for at least one second. In that one second, a player can be taken out of the story, remember that they're playing a game, and lose all emotions that were running through their soul before they read it. It took the story writer all the events before that sentence to invoke all the emotions that the player had before they read that confusing sentence; it is definitely not a trivial matter.

About not keeping track of what the player has already done story-wise... What can I say? I've come across this quite often. Here's an example:

• Jim tells me about his past and about his dead wife, Mary. Later in the story, Jim mumbles under his breath, "I wish Mary were here..." My character proceeds to wonder, "Who the heck is Mary?!"

Well, DUH, Mary is his DEAD WIFE, HE ALREADY TOLD ME THAT! MY CHARACTER SHOULD ALREADY KNOW!! It's so annoying whenever I come across it. Doing something and then acting like it never happened ALWAYS kills the moment for me. If something happens now, it should be remembered as happening down the road.

Alright, feel free to elaborate or contradict on my opinions. And if you can, please add your own as well. It can be on any aspect of the game, not just the story script.

[Grey]

Hehheh, I find it somewhat amusing you're talking about spelling and you've written "Thinks to look for" in the title

Anyway that aside I completely agree about spelling/grammar errors though, too many errors and a game can feel really unprofessional.

I agree with the continuity thing as well. Can't think of anything else of the top of my head though.

[PyTom]

I'd add three more things:

• Tense problems. You need to ensure that the tense of a line is appropriate, and you need to be consistent about it. In Moonlight Walks, I used past tense for the narration, and present tense for the dialogue. I almost got it correct.
• A writer/editor needs to ensure that all dialogue sounds like it should be spoken.
• I think it's also important that the editor play the game a few times while editing. At least, I found out that there were errors that were more obvious on the game screen then in the script file.

[mikey]

Grammar/Spelling errors - I know there is one typo in MilkSwim, and one or two in Black Pencil, still, I would never re-release a game just because of one, two mistakes. Generally, I am tolerant, even when the language isn't 100%, but if it's too much, I wouldn't say it feels unprofessional (in a fan-game that is), but it definitely takes down the atmosphere.
The problem with typos and minor errors might be that it is usually corrected by the writer himself which means the writer knows the sentences by heart when he has to insert them (in our system) and add graphics to them one by one, the point is - he works with it a lot. So as for me, I just fly through them... and I have no testers

The branching and re-using of story parts - It's a good point - when you have a system like RenPy that allows to re-use story parts, you have to be careful - I am particularly sensitive about sudden mood changes - after a fight with your g/f you are taking a walk and thinking about the scenery when you should be cursing or depressed. It's because you jump to a neutral label - and that's the problem - a neutral scene is STILL not okay after an exhausting emotional moment.

The logic of choices - As a gamer, I really really like to KNOW where my choice leads me. I hated Tokimeki CheckIn for those random choices. BUT: As a game-maker, or story-teller, I DON'T want people to see the story transparently. There are many points, many things I want to say and I don't want the player to just simply make choices between "Girl1-path and Girl-2 path". Only when I started to make games myself did I start to appreciate a certain randomness of choices (not in TokiCI though, more in SnowDrop)
My favorite explanation is: In real life, you sometimes go to the park or go to the theatre. Do you KNOW who you'll run into? Say you wanted to go out with Girl-1. But, you chose to go to the park and ran into Girl-2. Well, maybe Girl-2 likes to go to the park and you'd be a better couple.Okay, a third point of view - as a producer, you want games to appeal to players. So your boss will tell you if they want it (clear choices), give it to them, because then, they'll like it.
And a fourth thought... Since I do not have a boss and have that wonderful fan-made-game freedom, I don't HAVE to critically appeal to everyone. Sometimes people don't realize that the larger the audience you try to appeal, the less intensive the impact of your game will be.

Editing as such - by editing a game, I usually think of fine-tuning the general elements (the above things exc. spellcheck I'd say are appiled game design = game directing by the project supervisor/director) - adding the bells and whistles if you want. Sometimes there is time, sometimes there is not (just wait until NaNoRenO...) A well-edited game will have those extras, like the watery eyes of Mary, or changes of music when the mood is different (we managed to do it only in RT so far).

Dialogue spreading - a very important part of editing for me is dialogue spreading - I'll explain. If I need to tell something emotional, I will use shorter sentences, broken down etc.... so that the player reads "more" (clicks more). If I just need to describe something, I'll put in 3-4 lines on one screen. I try to have a "read-flow" so that the player can read smoothly and moods don't change too quickly (unless required). Also, you might have noticed I use many (... periods), for the passing of time, thoughts etc. Very important are also transitions, like light-dark-light when a new day begins and so on. Of course, this is my method, others may prefer different styles.

Tenses - well, I like to jump from present to past on occasions, I even pick the spots to do it - usually when I like to have it moody, I use past tense and when I need to make a sense of immediacy, I use present (rarely present continuous though). So with me it's dependent on the effect I want to achieve.

Oh no, I'll stop now, this is getting out of hand...

[Tage]

maahh... I can't seem to stop embarassing myself n.n; Oh well, I'll leave that error there, bwahaha... Thanks for the all the input so far! n.n I'm way to tired to do anything right now though... 6 hours of sleep regularly is a bad idea... >.> It's only 5:50pm right now!

Edit: Oh yah mikey, if you're tired of saying "(... periods)", they're called ellipsis. I don't mean to be mean or anything, just thought you might find it helpful! =D

[PyTom]

Another point I thought of is that the editor needs to match the dialogue and narration to the art. I've seen several games where the narration on the screen at points seems to have very little relation to the images on the screen... and I find that to be a bit jarring, as a player.

Of course, as a game designer, I realize that sometimes its unavoidable, as one has a limited amount of art to work with, and that it's easier (by and large) to write dialogue and narration that it is to make new art.

[Tage]

(too*) I think I make typos in every one of my posts! x.x; You might call me a hypocrite for saying how important correct spelling is, but no matter how many wrdos I mses up...( >.>; ) it still confuses the heck out of players... And that is bad!

Alright, I'll start throwing together a rough draft with all this information now n.n Thanks for all the input so far!