#9
Post
by mikey » Fri May 15, 2009 9:01 am
In response to negativity:
A few days ago there was this discussion about featured renpy games in the renpy section, and I tried to explain the fundamental principles of that problem to my wife - how this human decision is better than a set of criteria and what dangers a selection process holds and what it implies and all those things.
Anyway, at one point (obviously, she's heard enough), she tells me to stop fiddling around with principles and just go and buy the groceries we needed since we had plans for just-the-two-of-us dinner, which is what I did and we had a great evening. And that's not really the point of the story, the point is that I was able to just dismiss the whole argument with a "live and let live" approach and not really worry about it. Not that I wouldn't care. But I didn't feel like it was something that should drive me through the wall.
This in turn brought me to a realization, that when I recalled my most intensive arguments and most fierce defence of principles (on these forums), they always came in times when my inspiration and sense of purpose in what I do was the lowest.
I was reminded of this when the one-pagers of the BTW were brought up and how differently they could be viewed. I thought it would be so great if there could be an older game, which people would normally not remember, presented in a nice way so that people would consider playing it, and this is why I suggested Kasuka to the editors. But if you're looking at it from a different angle, with lots of emotions, it's kind of understandable that it can also look like "whoring".
Back to the point, sure you can view a webzine like that with all the negativity, and with a little effort find even more ways why this is the wrong approach. It's not my place to say which is the right way, but whenever I found some small thing that absolutely completely irritated me and caused me to fight a bit too much for principles, in the end, I was always really angry at myself, that I let things like that do that to me. It doesn't mean I would have ended up loving the ideas/things, but that's not the point. That excessive bitterness or negativity (not necessarily just one which I expressed in posts, but mainly the actual one that occupied my mind), felt like a waste. Especially when I found myself reading something (often almost anything) and, negativity itself being the goal, just looking for arguments or ways with which to dismiss it, in funny, irreverent, cool, factual, sarcastic or other ways, just to make me feel good.
Somehow, whenever I'm inspired or happy in general, I find it easy to ultimately wave my hand over something and smile about it. In the game-making environment, if I actively participate in a flame or a fight for principles, and I subconsciously feel it's really intensive, it's actually procrastination - this much honesty with myself I have to have.
Again, I don't think that it's wrong to dislike the whole idea of the webzine, who knows what I would have thought a year ago, or if I was in a different situation. It's not the point of this post anyway. It was just that the intensity of the negativity reminded me of what I felt at times myself.
