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Plot
16-year-old orphan Ashley Tiffany Paige Charney moves in with former drug dealer Martha LaRue, but it's a big change from Ashley's beautiful mansion. While the summer holidays are here, Ashley must repair the flat. She doesn't care about her social life, just her living conditions. Can Ashley repair everything in 6 weeks? Or is it too much of a challenge?
Characters Ashley Tiffany Paige Charney
The protagonist. Self-centered and hates her living conditions. It is her mission to repair the flat, but Ashley has a good memory. She is quite studious, as she inherited from her father. Is very unused to living in such a dirty city, and hates cockroaches, who are now her neighbours.
Martha LaRue
The other protagonist and kind of antagonist. A former drug dealer, she hasn't been caught in possession of a drug since she was last found out. She finds nothing wrong with living in a cockroach-infested flat and never washing.
Cayenne Blade
Ashley's real best friend, a girl who lives in a nearby town. Cayenne is very generous and loves money, as she isn't entirely rich herself. She is usually upbeat and is good friends with the mayor, Big John, and his children. Cayenne isn't one to hold crushes, but she quite likes the mayor's son.
Maratah LaRue
Martha's elder sister. She's one of the few people in the LaRue family who hasn't committed a crime. She works as a librarian and comes over from time to time, usually to grill Martha to wash herself. Maratah lives in excellent conditions herself.
Shinji Sikimoto
Lily's crush. A student at the local high school who emigrated from Japan when he was 5. Lives in the same residential area as Ashley. Ashley thinks he's a cheap geek. Shinji has a quite American look to him.
This is my first VN, so please remember I'm a newbie and not experienced in this kind of thing. What I'm looking for is feedback on the demo and how I can possibly improve the game or any aspects of it. Thanks
Last edited by Kumori on Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:53 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Kumori, could you please mention what you're trying to get out of this topic? Do you want people to give feedback about the game and its demo, are you posting progress reports, or is there something else? Doing this will help people know what is welcome and what is not, and help them to begin the conversation and keep it going in a meaningful direction.
Thanks.
Supporting creators since 2004 (When was the last time you backed up your game?)
PyTom wrote:Kumori, could you please mention what you're trying to get out of this topic? Do you want people to give feedback about the game and its demo, are you posting progress reports, or is there something else? Doing this will help people know what is welcome and what is not, and help them to begin the conversation and keep it going in a meaningful direction.
I have to say, I love the names. <3 I also played the demo, it was interesting and kept me wanting to know more. LOL Ashely is such a brat, but I think that's probably what you were going for. I like Martha, she'll probably end up being a favorite of mine. And Shinji isn't bad on the eyes either, Ashley shouldn't think such mean thoughts about him he seems so nice haha.
I look forward to seeing more, I'll try and keep an eye on this topic and look out for further betas.
Cidz wrote:I have to say, I love the names. <3 I also played the demo, it was interesting and kept me wanting to know more. LOL Ashely is such a brat, but I think that's probably what you were going for. I like Martha, she'll probably end up being a favorite of mine. And Shinji isn't bad on the eyes either, Ashley shouldn't think such mean thoughts about him he seems so nice haha.
I look forward to seeing more, I'll try and keep an eye on this topic and look out for further betas.
Yep, Ashley is meant to be really bratty. She'll get better. I like Martha too =D
I'll probably release another demo soon, progress is going well. Thanks for the comment.
Update! Lily is no longer a main character. She's a supporting character. Her position has been taken over by Cayenne Blade, and if Ashley wasn't friends with Cayenne, she would be a 'country bumpkin'. I stopped progress for a while, but it's back! Yay!
So far:
The game contains 137 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 2,153 words,
for an average of 15.7 words per screen.
The game contains 0 menus.
I'm not even close to finishing the first day, so I guess this is good. Yay!
