gekiganwing wrote:I read your synopsis, and I'm trying to understand your plot. It sounds like Dougal is searching for treasure, that the isolated town might have a monster nearby, and that there will be some secrets to uncover. I'm not sure what might happen from that point forward. What goals does the main character have? Does he have any political alliances?
He basically treats alchemy as a job and the one in the town seems to be the only one he can find in the area before he's forced to travel somewhere else. Knowing that he can't succeed on his own, and that none of the alchemists would bother helping each other, he decides to ally himself with one of them to increase their chances of success. Dougal's a neutral character without any real alliances - though he does dislike the Empire, he doesn't feel that the Council's isolationist policies make them much better.
gekiganwing wrote:
How powerful are alchemists in your world? What factors keep them in check? Are they regulated by governments?
Alchemists' abilities don't make them ridiculously stronger than normal people except in isolated cases. Their abilities are more limited than typical "magic", and they need to mix actual materials to "do" anything. Their strength varies widely from person to person. Ferans do not regulate alchemists, but the Empire does... strictly.
gekiganwing wrote:
It sounds like the feran race suffers from fantastic racism. If is this true, then what will it mean for your story?
It's true, but I don't want that aspect to become grating. Those who aren't high-class imperials or are on the front lines are more ambivalent about ferans, and ferans tend to keep to themselves anyway. It's more of a culture clash conflict than a race motivated one - though they are discriminated against by humans in many places, the same thing happens when humans enter feran territory.
gekiganwing wrote:
Maybe it's just me, but the name Zoltan makes me think of RPGamer/RPGCast contributor
The Legendary Zoltan...
The name was completely random, so yeah. I like it, so I'm probably not going to change it unless it's absolutely necessary.
gekiganwing wrote:
Looking at your webpage, it looks like you have used RPG Maker XP to make a freeware (?) game called The Caldwell Incident, and you're trying to rework a game called Minion's Story. Do you have experience selling games? Are you currently working with other indie developers who are selling their games?
The other games I've made have all been freeware... but I do know a few indie developers who are selling their games. I should probably get rid of Minion's Story lest people get their hopes up, lol.
gekiganwing wrote:
It may not be easy to sell people on a story which is mostly dark fantasy plot, with no combat or romance options. If you haven't done so already, think about how you intend to sell your game, and who will be willing to purchase your game.
Finally, I believe you'll benefit by talking to the people at Moacube, who are creating an indie western visual novel called Cinders. As far as I recall, Cinders is still being developed.
True, romance might increase the audience, but I wanted to make something different - most visual novels are romance based. Combat wouldn't make sense in the game, but I am looking into including puzzles related to alchemy which would extend the audience into video game fans.
DaFool wrote:@gekiganwing
They seem to know what they're doing. This is sorta steampunk so its right up my alley, so at least they have one guaranteed customer in me. (Though of course, having some HUMAN girl characters would really cement the deal) IMO, the demographics of Cinders and Icebound are slightly different.
This is imho what stories like Hierophania, Winter Shard, The Thirteenth Year would look like if funded with better art.
There are a number of human female characters, just not in the alchemist selection. But believe me, they are there..
I could have gone the easy route and added a female alchemist right off the bat, but then it would take attention away from the others. And if I made them all female, well... that would be going a bit too far in the ren'ai direction, which is something I wanted to avoid, at least for this game.
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