NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery] COMPLETED

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ngareci
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NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery] COMPLETED

#1 Post by ngareci » Tue May 22, 2012 12:59 pm

Sometimes, to have someone is about to let him/her go...
Image

STORY

This is a comedy Java ancient kingdom base otome game, where you can play as the heroine, Nacira, and choose the endings with one of the kingdom's princes, Pandawa (Puntadewa, Werkudara, Arjuna, Sadewa & Nakula).

The story is about a woman named Nacira, who was invited to be a subtitute dancer for next King ceremony. She have to live in the palace a month before her perform day. There, she found a mysterious box with a letter from the dancer before her. She knew that the box was belong to the previous dancer, Nyikara, and directed to her lover. Later, she was being challenge by Arjuna to guess Nyikara's lover in 6 days. While searching for the clue, Nacira will getting closer with Pandawa.

CHARACTER

Image
Nacira Basita
Age : 20
Height / Weight : 159 / 45

Description :
The name Nacira can be traced back to the word Aciraba, a word that can be translated to 'swift'. It's an appropriate name, since Nacira is an energetic, spirited girl. She hails from the outskirts of the Nayottama kingdom, and as a result is foreign to life in the palace. She had been taught to dance since an early age by her grandmother, and therefore has mastery over the sacred dance of Bedayana. She is so good at it, in fact, that she was invited to be a temporary dancer at the palace. A tad childish and full of curiosity. At first, she and the Pandawa will be quite distant to each other; however, over time, they may develop an intimate friendship.

Image
Puntadewa
Gender : Male
Age : 28
Height / Weight : 178 / 66

Description :
Yudhistira is the eldest of the Pandawa, as well as the crown prince of the Nayottama kingdom. He is calm and wise. Often seen reading a book in the library. As the crown prince, he is expected to act very politely to everyone.


Image
Werkudara
Gender : Male
Age : 26
Height / Weight : 188 / 78

Description :
Werkudara is the second eldest of the Pandawa. He is the most stubborn among the five, and is the one with the most physical strength. He has a tendency to get into fights over the most trifling of problems, and often loiters around the city. If there's one thing in his cup of tea, it's a challenge; and it so happens that he considers the palace rules as one (and therefore disregards them on any chance he gets). He plans to someday leave the palace and travel around the world.

Image
Arjuna
Gender : Male
Age : 23
Height / Weight : 176 / 62

Description :
Arjuna is the middle of the Pandawa siblings. He is the most polite and gentlemanly of the Pandawa five. Popular amongst the girls, he treats every one of them with all due respect. He is very good at using a bow, and can often be seen in the palace's archery grounds. Compared to some of his brothers, he is fairly obedient to the palace rules.


Image
Name : Sadewa
Gender : Male
Age : 20
Height / Weight : 170 / 60

Description :
The second youngest of the Pandawa, Sadewa is Nakula's twin brother. He is innocent, naive and obedient (which isn't necessarily a good thing, since Nakula often gets him into one of his crazy schemes). He is very interested in herbal medicines, and can be found growing and gathering ingredients in the garden.

Image
Nakula
Gender : Male
Age : 20
Height / Weight : 170 / 60

Nakula is the youngest of the Pandawa, and Sadewa's twin brother. Immature and sometimes a tad naughty. He is an exceptianal cook, and as a result can often be found in the kitchen. Occasionally, he takes Sadewa to pull pranks on the palace's residents; these are often perceived as rude, although in truth neither means any harm to anyone.

Screenshoot

Image

Image



Genre : Comedy, Romance
Rating : +15
Duration : (trial) 15 minutes
Language : English


PROGRESS

Still 80% total in progress
Story : 90%
Coding : 40%
Art : 70%
BGM : 60%
It contains 4,456 words


DOWNLOAD
You can download the trial here:
for Window
http://www.mediafire.com/?nsgibath9xllb4u

For Mac
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?48wcraarchl2icq

[Update 24/5]
CREDITS

Story : Ngareci
Proofreader : Hadianto, Pandito & Generic Timeline
Coder : Hadianto, Yosua & Ngareci
Art : Jehan, Nana, Dina, Nadia, Karin & Ngareci
Music : Dian & Keith

QUESTION
+ What's the best part of the trial?
+ Who is your fave character?
+ What can be improved from this game?
+ Any other comment?

The complete version will contain more sprite's expression, more BGM and more polished background, and less typo and grammar (english is not my first language, so it may contain bad grammar)

Every comment for better completed game are very appreciated.
Thank you!
Last edited by ngareci on Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:23 am, edited 6 times in total.

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy]

#2 Post by aestate » Wed May 23, 2012 12:29 am

I'm in the middle of your demo and I just have to say: it's all so bishielicious! Your sprites are absolutely gorgeous (the colouring! Ahhhhh) and I quite like where the VN is heading. ;D
The biggest thing I noticed (aside from things you've already mentioned) is that with Arjuna's sprite, parts of his hair and lineart get a tiny bit wonky with expression changes. I'm clearly scrambling to give some sort of constructive comment, lol.

I will be eagerly waiting any updates!
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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy]

#3 Post by Generic Timeline » Wed May 23, 2012 1:53 am

Hey there! Nice to see people interested in Indonesian culture as of late. I saw a Wayang Kulit game WIP some time ago as well, haha.

Well, first let me say that--with no offense intended--your English isn't the best I've seen. I would gladly proofread your script if you allow me to; I can also translate parts where you can write more comfortably in Indonesian. I'm pretty much useless everywhere else, so that's about the only help I could offer. I'm sorry. u.u

As a small side note, I don't know if Ancient Java is the right setting for a comedy game...but I suppose you know what's good for your game, though. I'm off to play the demo now!

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy]

#4 Post by clua » Wed May 23, 2012 3:27 pm

Hello! I downloaded your game and looks nice..I liked a lot how the visual started.

The only thing that bugs me are the sprites...Because they are facing front when the protagonist is also in the screen facing also front, it feels like Im present on the visual as another character who is watching...Is it on purpose?
If it isnt I think It would be better to have her out of the screen and maybe as a half sprite on the side of the texbox...I think the character interactions are
lost when they are not looking each other.

Also this are sugestions! :
+I noticed you used pause in some sentences, I found that propiety very useful, but as well annoying when It depends of a click
you can use {w=.2}(a pause on the text with an exact time) instead of {w}, so It would make a pause and go on instead of waiting for a click.
+Some sprites needs border cleanup, you can see a white outline.
+Maybe this is useless, but I like better the shading used on the twins for example, it looks clean and matchs the kind of lineart that the characters have(something similar to the world ends with you lineart, were the strong shadows are blocks of black) in case of Werkudara or Nacira, the coloring is done with a softer brush and when both soft painted sprites and cellshade sprites are present on the screen looks weird. Maybe for future projects you can have one person to color and keep the art consistent. As I said this may be useless since I think your project is already very advanced(Art : 70%) But I think you should keep it on mind.
+I kept reading and...
Nacira read a letter insde a box...and in the end says "9th January 99 BC" should it include the BC? Isnt it a term invented later?
I hope you finish your project! I see a lot of progress already-Good luck guys! :D
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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy]

#5 Post by ngareci » Wed May 23, 2012 10:31 pm

aestate wrote:I'm in the middle of your demo and I just have to say: it's all so bishielicious! Your sprites are absolutely gorgeous (the colouring! Ahhhhh) and I quite like where the VN is heading. ;D
The biggest thing I noticed (aside from things you've already mentioned) is that with Arjuna's sprite, parts of his hair and lineart get a tiny bit wonky with expression changes. I'm clearly scrambling to give some sort of constructive comment, lol.

I will be eagerly waiting any updates!
Thank you!!
Yes, Arjuna's sprite will be polished in the final game, and I'm forgot to mention the credit, the sprites is made by my friend, here's his DA http://clausthropher.deviantart.com/

I will be finish this project around July, hopefully everything going smooth..

Generic Timeline wrote:Hey there! Nice to see people interested in Indonesian culture as of late. I saw a Wayang Kulit game WIP some time ago as well, haha.

Well, first let me say that--with no offense intended--your English isn't the best I've seen. I would gladly proofread your script if you allow me to; I can also translate parts where you can write more comfortably in Indonesian. I'm pretty much useless everywhere else, so that's about the only help I could offer. I'm sorry. u.u

As a small side note, I don't know if Ancient Java is the right setting for a comedy game...but I suppose you know what's good for your game, though. I'm off to play the demo now!

Thank you!
Before I made this game, I have already fall in love with Pandawa characters, and I dream about making pandawa's otome game. And here it is, haha..
I don't really like hardly serious game, and I just love comedy genre, so I hope I can blend them well, :D

I know that I'm not really good at english, and I'm really interested in your offer, please read my PM, okay!

clua wrote:Hello! I downloaded your game and looks nice..I liked a lot how the visual started.

The only thing that bugs me are the sprites...Because they are facing front when the protagonist is also in the screen facing also front, it feels like Im present on the visual as another character who is watching...Is it on purpose?
If it isnt I think It would be better to have her out of the screen and maybe as a half sprite on the side of the texbox...I think the character interactions are
lost when they are not looking each other.

Also this are sugestions! :
+I noticed you used pause in some sentences, I found that propiety very useful, but as well annoying when It depends of a click
you can use {w=.2}(a pause on the text with an exact time) instead of {w}, so It would make a pause and go on instead of waiting for a click.
+Some sprites needs border cleanup, you can see a white outline.
+Maybe this is useless, but I like better the shading used on the twins for example, it looks clean and matchs the kind of lineart that the characters have(something similar to the world ends with you lineart, were the strong shadows are blocks of black) in case of Werkudara or Nacira, the coloring is done with a softer brush and when both soft painted sprites and cellshade sprites are present on the screen looks weird. Maybe for future projects you can have one person to color and keep the art consistent. As I said this may be useless since I think your project is already very advanced(Art : 70%) But I think you should keep it on mind.
+I kept reading and...
Nacira read a letter insde a box...and in the end says "9th January 99 BC" should it include the BC? Isnt it a term invented later?
I hope you finish your project! I see a lot of progress already-Good luck guys! :D
Thank you for your suggestion!!
It will really help me to modify the game. :D

+Actually, my purpose to put the main character Nacira beside the other char is so the reader can see how Nacira interact with others.
But maybe I will also make it inside the textbox and see what's the best idea for this.. :)
+I never knew about {w=.2} I will definitely put it on the script
+And yes, because of the trial deadline, the sprite coloring was handled by 3 person, but I will polish the sprite, so it will look the same..
+Actually about the timeline, I just made it up, but now that you mention it, I will think something other than that..

Once again, thank you clua! :D

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#6 Post by Egressus » Wed May 23, 2012 11:34 pm

Wahaha, mba'e beneran orang Indo, toh. Proyek ini DAN "Kleponicious."

Still haven't played it, but I think it looks very good. Haven't tried the demo (will do soon), but I can say I support any progress you make. If you need any more proofreaders, I'm here.
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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#7 Post by ngareci » Thu May 24, 2012 2:31 am

Egressus wrote:Wahaha, mba'e beneran orang Indo, toh. Proyek ini DAN "Kleponicious."

Still haven't played it, but I think it looks very good. Haven't tried the demo (will do soon), but I can say I support any progress you make. If you need any more proofreaders, I'm here.

Iya, saya orang Indonesia yang suka makan klepon, hahaha...

Thank you! For Proofread, I will PM you later when I'm ready, thank you for the offer!! I'm so happy! :D

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#8 Post by Egressus » Thu May 24, 2012 2:52 am

Aku sukanya kue putu.

I'm downloading the game right now, and will probably add more of my thoughts when I finished.
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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#9 Post by ngareci » Fri May 25, 2012 12:32 pm

Egressus wrote:Aku sukanya kue putu.

I'm downloading the game right now, and will probably add more of my thoughts when I finished.

Saya juga suka, hahha..

I'll be waiting for your comment then! thank you!!

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#10 Post by Noctelle » Fri May 25, 2012 6:59 pm

Haha, Aww...looks like someone beat me to the punch on offering you help with your wording. Anyway if you need any extra help with the wording I would love to help, if you'd need me that is. Also I played the demo and I love it so far, the story line seems unique and the art is nice! :)

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#11 Post by ngareci » Sat May 26, 2012 1:57 am

Noctelle wrote:Haha, Aww...looks like someone beat me to the punch on offering you help with your wording. Anyway if you need any extra help with the wording I would love to help, if you'd need me that is. Also I played the demo and I love it so far, the story line seems unique and the art is nice! :)
Thank you!!
And thank you for the offer! :D
I will PM you later then when I'm ready! :D :D

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#12 Post by Argeus_the_Paladin » Sat May 26, 2012 2:06 am

A history-based game? Color me impressed. May I ask which exact period is this game set in?

I'm no expert on the history of ancient Java, however. Chances are I'll have to jump on Wikipedia or JSTOR to find out the details before I can comment on the historical accuracy aspect of this game. :wink:
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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#13 Post by Noctelle » Sat May 26, 2012 9:42 am

ngareci wrote:
Noctelle wrote:Haha, Aww...looks like someone beat me to the punch on offering you help with your wording. Anyway if you need any extra help with the wording I would love to help, if you'd need me that is. Also I played the demo and I love it so far, the story line seems unique and the art is nice! :)
Thank you!!
And thank you for the offer! :D
I will PM you later then when I'm ready! :D :D
No problem, I'd love to be a help, :) and okay.

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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#14 Post by azureXtwilight » Sat May 26, 2012 10:15 am

Weh, orang indo kah? Teratrik sama yang bisa promosi budaya indonesia sekalian dalam bentuk VN, hehe

If you need beta tester, I'll be available. Nice work! :)
Edit : I am a javanese too, so glad to see you picked java as the background XD
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Re: NACIRA [GXB][Otome,comedy,mystery]

#15 Post by Ketsu » Sat May 26, 2012 9:34 pm

I love the music in the main menu! It's like a mix of gamelan and regular beats, very classy!

The english in this demo isn't that proficient and if you need help with the dialogue and stuff, I'd be happy to help!

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