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Guaah, My first ongoing VN ~! (Ohh, I'm excited XD)
Let's start


Notes : If the main character needs to sing before the transformation.. That's means : Some of the story have voice. (Most of it singing.)

Ohh sounds like a story-line for a shoujo manga (not saying its bad since I love them)
Hehe Goodluck on your project! I'll be looking forward to this ^^

So young and already making games? Nice.

You might want someone to check your summary though, it has some grammatical mistakes.
You are using bitmap for you logo (aka working in Paint, Photoshop, GIMP or the like), so you have to be careful about some things like resolution. What I mean is be careful of blurred pictures when you make them bigger and 'staircasing' (those raggedy lines you see around pictures sometimes). You probably have to use a soft gum to remove those. You can't do much about the bluriness except use bigger original images.
And watch out for the foot of the girl. A piece has dissapeared. :O

Am I making sense to you? ^^'
Anyway, I'm just giving some tips that I hope will help. Good luck.

Arelune wrote:So young and already making games? Nice.

You might want someone to check your summary though, it has some grammatical mistakes.
You are using bitmap for you logo (aka working in Paint, Photoshop, GIMP or the like), so you have to be careful about some things like resolution. What I mean is be careful of blurred pictures when you make them bigger and 'staircasing' (those raggedy lines you see around pictures sometimes). You probably have to use a soft gum to remove those. You can't do much about the bluriness except use bigger original images.
And watch out for the foot of the girl. A piece has dissapeared. :O

Am I making sense to you? ^^'
Anyway, I'm just giving some tips that I hope will help. Good luck.

Haha, yeah thanks. Actually that foot XD. Sorry. That picture was made 7 months ago XDDD.(So it's old) And it's style and losing of feet is original. But I'll repair it later. But, do the logo picture does blurry in yours ? Well you see, Mine aren't . It has a high quality and maybe your net makes it kind of blur. Ugh ! XD. But I use Sai for it. But for me nothing seems wrong. I must check it to my friend's computer next time. Anyways, Thanks , I really hope to finish it in time

@Melon Candy : Oh, XD. Thank you. Makes me wants to work more. Wish me luck ~

I didn't mean that the whole image is blurry, just some parts of it. Like the yellow border and decoration. But if you think it's fine, then that's that. I just give suggestions.

Arelune wrote:I didn't mean that the whole image is blurry, just some parts of it. Like the yellow border and decoration. But if you think it's fine, then that's that. I just give suggestions.

Ohh, It's really that blurry, XD So that's it. It's fine though. I just edited it.
And please ? Correct my Summary/Plot if you can.
Well, if it bothers you then it's fine.
But if you can please ? If you don't mind . (Ah, sorry for asking, even you told me that you only tells suggestion. But it's fine for me for you to declined. I'll find someone as long as I can.)
Thanks

Sorry to mention a tiny matter, but I think It'd better to know when you're young. Putting a big credits/signs on your art can give a bad impression onto viewers. People may think you love your name more than your art, because there are many artist-wannabe who love their names more than anything and they tend to use huge size of neon signs on their works.

nyaatrap wrote:Sorry to mention a tiny matter, but I think It'd better to know when you're young. Putting a big credits/signs on your art can give a bad impression onto viewers. People may think you love your name more than your art, because there are many artist-wannabe who love their names more than anything and they tend to use huge size of neon signs on their works.

Ehh, is that so ?
xD. But I didn't intend to make it as a credit for my picture. (Thanks for the info. xD) (I really don't know that sort of thing)
Really, I put the big letter to it to make sure that I own it XD. But, so that's it. Then next time I'll make sure to make it not so big. (But you see, I really intend to put the "Cue-san" because I am scared of someone copying it. D:.) Thus, I'll make sure to lighten it up.
PS : IT'S NOT CREDIT. I'M JUST MAKING SECURE XD.
(Yeah, I love my art the most. I don't care about names anyway, It's not my real though. XD)
Anyway, thanks for the info Nyaa-chan ~

Cue-san wrote: And please ? Correct my Summary/Plot if you can.
Well, if it bothers you then it's fine.
But if you can please ? If you don't mind . (Ah, sorry for asking, even you told me that you only tells suggestion. But it's fine for me for you to declined. I'll find someone as long as I can.)
Thanks

Uh, okay. But I'm really not the right person to edit. I'm no Englishman myself and I tend to make weird sentence structures sometimes.
But here's what I get when I go over it a bit:

" Luna Fae’s mother recently died due to illness. Right before that, her mother gave her a necklace representing a half moon. It had the exact same name as her own. “My dear Luna,” her mom had said, “find your father, and he will make him happy. Give him this necklace so he knows who you are.”
3 years later, she decides to find him, aided by the necklace. Until then, she will have to find a man who will make her happy. Help her decide who’s best for her as you follow her adventures. Beware of the Antagonist and choose your decisions well.

The Luna necklace is a powerful source that will guide Luna through all the troubles in her life. She calls it ‘Lunatic Charm’. "

The last part about the luna necklace doesn't really fit with the rest so I put it aside.
You better still find someone else if you want to make sure ^^'

Cue-san wrote: Ehh, is that so ?
xD. But I didn't intend to make it as a credit for my picture. (Thanks for the info. xD) (I really don't know that sort of thing)
Really, I put the big letter to it to make sure that I own it XD. But, so that's it. Then next time I'll make sure to make it not so big. (But you see, I really intend to put the "Cue-san" because I am scared of someone copying it. D:.) Thus, I'll make sure to lighten it up.
PS : IT'S NOT CREDIT. I'M JUST MAKING SECURE XD.
(Yeah, I love my art the most. I don't care about names anyway, It's not my real though. XD)
Anyway, thanks for the info Nyaa-chan ~

Don't worry about about someone copying the picture. If anyone tries the matter can be worked out.
If you want to put a signature on your work it's good to make it small and at the side of the figure, perhaps only overlapping it a tiny bit. And have the name in a color that fits with the color scheme a little better than bright red. That way you can make sure that people know the image was drawn by you and have a bit of overlap so it's harder for art thieves without people thinking that you have an over inflated ego.

Arelune wrote:

Cue-san wrote: And please ? Correct my Summary/Plot if you can.
Well, if it bothers you then it's fine.
But if you can please ? If you don't mind . (Ah, sorry for asking, even you told me that you only tells suggestion. But it's fine for me for you to declined. I'll find someone as long as I can.)
Thanks

Uh, okay. But I'm really not the right person to edit. I'm no Englishman myself and I tend to make weird sentence structures sometimes.
But here's what I get when I go over it a bit:

" Luna Fae’s mother recently died due to illness. Right before that, her mother gave her a necklace representing a half moon. It had the exact same name as her own. “My dear Luna,” her mom had said, “find your father, and he will make him happy. Give him this necklace so he knows who you are.”
3 years later, she decides to find him, aided by the necklace. Until then, she will have to find a man who will make her happy. Help her decide who’s best for her as you follow her adventures. Beware of the Antagonist and choose your decisions well.

The Luna necklace is a powerful source that will guide Luna through all the troubles in her life. She calls it ‘Lunatic Charm’. "

The last part about the luna necklace doesn't really fit with the rest so I put it aside.
You better still find someone else if you want to make sure ^^'

Uu,, Thanks Arelune. You're a big help ! I now changed it to yours, and I edit some weird sentences (You say.) Thanks again .
(You can ask me too for help if you're making VN. )

Nuxill wrote:

Cue-san wrote: Ehh, is that so ?
xD. But I didn't intend to make it as a credit for my picture. (Thanks for the info. xD) (I really don't know that sort of thing)
Really, I put the big letter to it to make sure that I own it XD. But, so that's it. Then next time I'll make sure to make it not so big. (But you see, I really intend to put the "Cue-san" because I am scared of someone copying it. D:.) Thus, I'll make sure to lighten it up.
PS : IT'S NOT CREDIT. I'M JUST MAKING SECURE XD.
(Yeah, I love my art the most. I don't care about names anyway, It's not my real though. XD)
Anyway, thanks for the info Nyaa-chan ~

Don't worry about about someone copying the picture. If anyone tries the matter can be worked out.
If you want to put a signature on your work it's good to make it small and at the side of the figure, perhaps only overlapping it a tiny bit. And have the name in a color that fits with the color scheme a little better than bright red. That way you can make sure that people know the image was drawn by you and have a bit of overlap so it's harder for art thieves without people thinking that you have an over inflated ego.

Hehe, Thank you Nuxill. And I'm, very sorry for the name ! Really. I'm going to repair it. Later ? XD. Coz' I'm going to mall today buying new pens for sketching and line art
Thanks again

Egressus wrote:..

Is that so. XD. Haha. I just copied it's title to Utau's Shugo Chara, so I didn't know.
Thanks for your opinion of title's choice. But instead, I changed it to Luna's Charm so it'll be better.
Thanks again.

wow it seems cute the name luna reminds me of sailor moon. Well goodluck with it !