Hmm, thanks for the comments, but they're a little confusing. What do you mean the beginning is anti-climatic? I understand that they're a series of short scenes which are only supposed to make sense in hindsight, but at no point do I think they're anticlimatic because there wasn't supposed to be a climax to begin with. Unless you meant to say some other word?LliiraAnna wrote: Now to the demo itself. The premise is definitely interesting, but I felt like the beginning was a bit... anti-climatic. I mean the very first scene; from what I remember, it's written from a first-person point of view, and these are not memories but the descriptions of what is happening at the moment; given the narrator's emotional state at the moment, they are surprisingly... calm. Probably less descriptions and more character's thoughts? Or change it to the third-person pov? Speaking of descriptions, I've ended up almost skipping many of them because they were in a middle of what was supposed to be an emotionally tense/plot-important scene, and it can sometimes, well, ruin the mood. Also, I've got the impression that some dialogue was too long/unnecessary for the plot and hence can be shortened, but since it's only demo, it's kinda hard to tell.
This said, I'm interested in what will happen next, so good luck with working on the full version ^_^
There was no first-person narration other than the first two super-short scenes. And I'm a bit confused by what you meant by they were "calm" - because if a little child screaming at the top of her lungs in the midst of a fire-strewn hell is calm to you, I have no idea what isn't. ^^;
Apart from the first two mini-scenes, which are really short and have absolutely no description whatsoever, everything else is in third person, so I really don't quite understand what you're talking about. Mind explaining? /:
What you posted aren't smartass comments, relax.LliiraAnna wrote:
I should learn to keep my smartass comments to myself as well
@Phyro: Sadly, there's nothing I can do about the music. I'm not capable of creating so many good tracks on my own, and since this is a free project I have to stick with royalty-free music. Which do not tend to loop very well.