Lemma Soft Forums

Gear wrote:I wish I could offer critique, but...there's so much I want to learn from your game! Argh! It is the coolest KN I've ever seen. I can't wait for the final!

Thank you for trying it out. The final version will have some choices/endings because I couldn't resist. Must... branch...

Graph wrote:Although, I had a kind of hard time remembering who I've seen before because everyone is in silhouette. I could recognize Jacqueline by the end since she's usually present and on the left side. And Charles because he's the only man. But everyone else I had a hard time remembering because they didn't have any real distinguishing features. I might be the only one having this problem though since I have a bad time remembering peoples' names IRL as well.

One thing you could try is to add more spot-color details on the sprites, like the white collars that everyone seems to have. Maybe have some minimal color, like for example have one of them wearing a green ribbon... well, I'm not sure how much distinction is acceptable in this very business-like setting you've created though.

That's a really good idea, I'm glad you mentioned that. I've looked at them so many times I forgot how similar they are, especially Delilah and Jacqueline.

I'm going to experiment with adding a little color to the silhouettes to make them less samey, maybe accessories near the neck/face that will show up in the portraits too. And thank you for trying the demo out.

Ah, I rarely play KNs, but your premise was so interesting I couldn’t pass it up. And once I saw the intro (which was awesome – no text, almost no images, brilliant!), I was hooked. And oh my goodness, that cliffhanger! What a place to end a demo!

I liked the conversational writing style and how the story was gradually pieced together going backwards. Also loved all the visual details. Like how the patterns in the flashback scenes would become the backgrounds of the narration parts directly afterwards. At first, I was wondering why the backgrounds kept changing, but once I realized it, I was all “Oh! Nice touch!”

I also second everyone who was impressed with the animations! My favorite effect so far is when the images pan and flash briefly against the white backgrounds. Using the clock/gears to mark going forwards/backwards in time was also cool.

Some visual nitpicks –

The black outline on all the text is a bit thick for my tastes. It’s especially noticeable on white backgrounds and the smaller quick menu text.

The quick menu itself is rather hard to see on the darker backgrounds and seems to disappear during some animations.

I like the {} that slide in around Jacqueline’s thoughts. But perhaps they could actually slide in a little earlier, to match when the text starts to appear?

The dictionary definition screens are cool, but look a bit stretched horizontally. I think it’s because their left and right margins are much smaller than the margins on the narration screens? Also, for Kimber’s intro text, the top margin is much larger than the bottom one.

I see that you’re planning to change the character intro screens. My initial impression was that I wasn’t sure how the selected patterns/frames fit each of the characters. Perhaps the borders on the box could match those on the portraits, or the colors on the intro screen could be incorporated into the character portraits? Or maybe the backgrounds on the boxes could be matched to those of their respective character’s later flashback scene? Heh, I’m just rambling now.

When the three portraits appear, maybe space them more evenly across the screen? Actually, is there a reason that portraits are used in the hospital at all, given that full silhouettes are used for everything else?

Overall, I think it’s a very cool game, both visually and plot-wise! Good luck with the final release!

Very cool story you have going on here. I played the demo last night and really enjoyed the way you presented the characters and the general aesthetic. I'm glad to hear you're going to allow skipping the 1st two acts in the final version. I'm usually patient with cut scenes, but I felt like the car crash in the beginning was a little too slow (this impatience may have just been me playing the game late at night though).

Some animation things that bothered me:
- I'm not sure what the point of bobbing the portraits is. If it's supposed to seem like the person is coming into focus, try a blurry portrait that becomes more crisp over time?
- I love your clock/gears transition, but gears do not work like that! No matter how small the gear is, the teeth need to be the same size as the other gears for them to click together and turn like that, like this. Not sure if you're willing to re-do the gears, but they are quite off...

All in all, great work so far and I can't wait for the final release

Reikun wrote:Very cool story you have going on here. I played the demo last night and really enjoyed the way you presented the characters and the general aesthetic. I'm glad to hear you're going to allow skipping the 1st two acts in the final version. I'm usually patient with cut scenes, but I felt like the car crash in the beginning was a little too slow (this impatience may have just been me playing the game late at night though).

Some animation things that bothered me:
- I'm not sure what the point of bobbing the portraits is. If it's supposed to seem like the person is coming into focus, try a blurry portrait that becomes more crisp over time?
- I love your clock/gears transition, but gears do not work like that! No matter how small the gear is, the teeth need to be the same size as the other gears for them to click together and turn like that, like this. Not sure if you're willing to re-do the gears, but they are quite off...

All in all, great work so far and I can't wait for the final release

Perhaps it would help if the bobbing animation was a little tighter? Make the portrait not bounce so high up and shorten the time in which it takes to have it bounce up and down.

I'm pretty excited for the finished version. The amount of animation you've put into the game is impressive.

It's an interesting story and I like the simplicity of the graphics and main menu. The animation work is very cool.
I agree with Arowana about the black outline on text looking too thick on white backgrounds; however, the outlined text looks fine to me on colored backgrounds. I didn't find the character intro screens as hideous as you thought they were, but if you're just making them better, then go for it.

A typo that hasn't been mentioned yet, and some things I noticed about the clock:
Is the hour hand supposed to disappear before the rest of the clock disappears when time is going forward? It seems like it'd be better if everything faded away together. Also, this detail probably doesn't matter, but the clock roman numeral for 8 is 7. Does VIII become illegible?

I enjoyed the demo, and good luck with completing your game.

Wow, lots of feedback there. Thank you for playing, everyone. I really appreciate your comments and support.

Arowana wrote:When the three portraits appear, maybe space them more evenly across the screen? Actually, is there a reason that portraits are used in the hospital at all, given that full silhouettes are used for everything else?

The hospital scenes are all in Jacqueline's imagination, since she can't see, so she's imaging portraits of people when she recognizes their voices.

And I just realized, this means my use of a full silhouette of Jacqueline in the flashback sequences... makes no sense. Because why would she "see" herself in her own memories?? UHGGGH gasdll. WAIT I can fix this with a side image! I might do that. When I did those scenes I was looking at it from a more cinematic perspective rather than the narrator's perspective.

I am going to adjust the text outline and some of the spacing issues you mentioned, but I didn't catch the stretching of the definitions so I will review that too. It's parametrized text, and I think may need to look at the positioning.

Reikun wrote:I'm glad to hear you're going to allow skipping the 1st two acts in the final version. I'm usually patient with cut scenes, but I felt like the car crash in the beginning was a little too slow (this impatience may have just been me playing the game late at night though).

Yeah, I know it is a little indulgent, but after I finished the animation I decided I would make everyone sit through it at least once. Oh, vanity.

- I'm not sure what the point of bobbing the portraits is. If it's supposed to seem like the person is coming into focus, try a blurry portrait that becomes more crisp over time?

I'm going to scrap the portrait bounce. People don't like it and I agree that it doesn't have an obvious context.

- I love your clock/gears transition, but gears do not work like that! No matter how small the gear is, the teeth need to be the same size as the other gears for them to click together and turn like that, like this. Not sure if you're willing to re-do the gears, but they are quite off...

You're right. Realistically, I probably won't invest the time in this particular change because it would mean having to redo the assets. It works as a visual, even though from a real-world perspective it's wrong.

cuttlefish wrote:Is the hour hand supposed to disappear before the rest of the clock disappears when time is going forward? It seems like it'd be better if everything faded away together. Also, this detail probably doesn't matter, but the clock roman numeral for 8 is 7. Does VIII become illegible?

Someone else mentioned the delayed clock fade and I've fixed that, and I agree that it looks much better when it all fades together.

As for the VIII... GOOD EYE! Ha! The clock was a free asset. I spent a TON of time working on the clock hands to get them to animate right and I never even noticed the numerals were off.

Lots of corrections, animations, and small details this week. The crows now have beak-flap (OH YEA). I've added some little airplanes and birds in backgrounds, things like that (stuff I probably shouldn't be doing until more important issues are fixed). The writing has been improved and I'm finishing up the 8 endings, which were mostly written but had not been scripted with all the images and sounds. Next week will be finishing up the menu screens (I hope) and the last of the graphics.



I have set a release date of 07/28.

Statistics:
The game contains 376 screens of dialogue.
These screens contain a total of 4,911 words,
for an average of 13.1 words per screen.
The game contains 12 menus.

Have to say, I loved the demo! Some of the animation was confusing, at first, and felt a little cluttered; also, if I wanted to nitpick, I'd go after the car crash animation. But even that was well executed, just not as well executed as every other animation (aforementioned problems with the clock animation and et cetera aside).

Setting aside the animation, however, I'm a little annoyed at you, because the writing is just very good. Honestly, most visual novels have okay to decent writing, but yours was absolutely solid: effective, unpretentious, and revealing of psychological depth. I didn't expect to get sucked into the mystery so much.

If you keep it up into the ending, this might be another classic. Looking forward to it!

Aaggghhhh, I'm so looking forward to when this is released. ; w ; ♥♥

EDIT: Hehe, I didn't realize other people had already pointed out those mistakes. ^_^;;

Thanks for trying the demo, guys!

TheTourist wrote:Some of the animation was confusing, at first, and felt a little cluttered; also, if I wanted to nitpick, I'd go after the car crash animation. But even that was well executed, just not as well executed as every other animation (aforementioned problems with the clock animation and et cetera aside).

I think you might be referring to the cracked windshield scene. And I totally agree it could be done better. I have some ideas, hopefully I will have time to implement something a little better by release.

Setting aside the animation, however, I'm a little annoyed at you, because the writing is just very good. Honestly, most visual novels have okay to decent writing, but yours was absolutely solid: effective, unpretentious, and revealing of psychological depth. I didn't expect to get sucked into the mystery so much.

Thank you for that. I'm actually polishing up the script and the endings right now, so hopefully it will be solid all the way through.

So, the good thing about having a release date is THE GAME WILL BE DONE THEN and I CAN RELAX. I'm glad I set a date, in retrospect, because it forced me to cull my to-do list with extreme prejudice and now it's more manageable. Most of this week's work was polish, menu customization, and persistent variables (which almost drove me crazy), so not much to show, but here's the options screen.



I've come to terms with the whole "Game will not be complete (perfect) but it will be finished," thing, which is the point.

I need a few testers to check out the (essentially) finished game, particularly the writing/endings. If you are interested, PM me and I'll send you a download link. This offer is for the first three people that contact me, just to keep things simple. I ask that if you volunteer to test the game you be prepared to lend a critical eye.

FINISHED*

http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 11&t=16385

*mostly**

** No, I kid, it really is finished.

NOW I SLEEP.

I think this game is really well made. The style is pretty interesting. It doesn't have this "just another VN" feeling to it, but it's kind of unique in a way.

I like the idea of having an infamous or not very likable character as the protagonist. Also, I think it was rather interesting that the protagonist is married to a woman, while the setting of the game looks kind of old school. Well, accept for the iPhone.

Anyway, I have unlocked only one of the endings yet, but I can definitely say this is a really nice game, maybe even among the best made with Ren'Py I have played so far.

Good job and thanks for sharing!

Thanks for playing and commenting. Originally I was going to have an old 80's block phone, but when I found that iPhone graphic I couldn't resist. It was free, beautiful, and already in a transparent .png format. So much for vision!