Okay, so... Rather than outline the story for you guys, I'm just going to upload what I have to the forum. As of now, the story is basically complete at 3k words. At this stage, I would really like honest feedback and critique. I tried to follow a certain literary model to keep myself on-topic (the bane of my existence as a writer; my default thought pattern is digression!) and to hopefully provide some drama and impact. Your feedback on whether or not this "works" would really be appreciated.
(Old script removed to prevent confusion. Thank you to everyone who downloaded and commented while it was up! )
I'm asking for critique now because I had this idea that I would like to display the exchange of dialogue between computer and programmer like Evangelion did occasionally; words on a black screen. At first I was like "Oh, I'll center the text" but then I realized I could have a lot more fun actually creating images and modifying them to look more distinct. A different image for every sentence of dialogue is a lot of images that I don't want to make and then have to change during critique time. So please bear with me and try to imagine this script unfolding with "silent movie" dialogue screens that alternate with illustrations, and normal say text narration.
Examples: Also, to aid with your imagination of the illustrations when Twelve gets her robot body, these humble scans of her from my literary embarrassment of a comic: Other things you should know... um...
There will be fairly melancholy music playing. Possibly this. I am not sure that I can use that since I have the Japanese comprehension level of a toddler and google translate is confusing, but I think this says that work that isn't a collaboration and which is available for download on the site, is allowed to be used... someone who can, could you please verify this for me?
Other questions... ah...
1. Does something like this need a bookmark/save slot?
2. Have I accidentally plagiarized any science fiction stories? (I sincerely do not know where my ideas come from anymore, could be something I read as a child)
3. Does this have any potential?
4. Why am I shaking so much?
Ah, and, disclaimer, people who want to play the Kinetic Novel shouldn't read the script! Only people who feel they have sufficient background in writing or in the subjects addressed by the story should peek at the script. You don't want to be spoiled, do you? Of course you don't! Good readers!
Oh, and, speaking of spoilage, I don't mind if any further comments on the story aren't spoilered. It's my story and all, so I already know what happens. Besides, spoilers are annoying to read... And since WIP threads are mostly for dev talk, it seems weird to use spoilers... but I mean, you can if you want to. I mean, in any case, just do what you want! XD
Lately I've been struck with the needed inspiration to complete this, and I'm hoping to release sometime in Fall 2013.
The script (having grown in length and depth over the past year) is very close to being finalized, and I'm currently working on the placeholder sketches in order to help finalize the script. I apologize for the long wait, and I sincerely thank anybody who has been waiting for this. I'll try very hard not to disappoint!
The hope of a Fall release this year means I'll need beta readers as well as a dedicated editor soon. If you're interested, let me know