The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Mystery]

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fallenangel198
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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#31 Post by fallenangel198 » Sat Dec 08, 2012 1:17 pm

o.O This looks AMAZING! The mc looks so cute, the art is very good. As far as proofreader goes I would be happy to help, anyway back on track I will be keeping an eye on this project. So good luck to all your team.
my deveint art account http://fallenangel198.deviantart.com/ and hii everyone

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#32 Post by Heartless-Star » Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:29 pm

fallenangel198 wrote:o.O This looks AMAZING! The mc looks so cute, the art is very good. As far as proofreader goes I would be happy to help, anyway back on track I will be keeping an eye on this project. So good luck to all your team.
Thank you!! I would be really glad that you could be a proofreader but for now we are trying to get everything done and prepared before getting one. We are going to do our best with our VN!! X)

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#33 Post by fallenangel198 » Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:05 pm

Ok then. Well i'm looking fowrd to your VN. So carry on the good work!
my deveint art account http://fallenangel198.deviantart.com/ and hii everyone

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#34 Post by Heartless-Star » Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:27 am

fallenangel198 wrote:Ok then. Well i'm looking fowrd to your VN. So carry on the good work!
We will do our best :)

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#35 Post by RunicV » Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:47 am

This looks like a really fun otome game!

Some things to point out, though:
-the summary of story is a bit vague and doesn't explain anything
-main character might be a bit of a Mary-Sue

I've also noticed that you put the character's inspirations inside the their profile, I'm guessing that has something to do with the plot?

The art is gorgeous, by the way. I love your colouring and the way you draw boots and feet. I wish you the best of luck for this game.
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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#36 Post by Heartless-Star » Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:31 am

RunicV wrote:This looks like a really fun otome game!

Some things to point out, though:
-the summary of story is a bit vague and doesn't explain anything
-main character might be a bit of a Mary-Sue

I've also noticed that you put the character's inspirations inside the their profile, I'm guessing that has something to do with the plot?

The art is gorgeous, by the way. I love your colouring and the way you draw boots and feet. I wish you the best of luck for this game.
Thank you for liking it our VN and i have fixed the summary of the story now :) And you are completely right with the inspirations and the other things,It a a big thing in the story and you actually the first one who realized it X)
PS: Mary-Sue? :3

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#37 Post by Michiyo6918 » Sun Dec 09, 2012 11:01 am

//rolls in
I've been stalking this project from DA, so glad that you decided to post it here 8D (Knows from a pic of ???? in my inbox one day haha)

The premise sounds promising. Magic and mystery, the holy combination, my favorite genres ♥

I am interesting in "????" //shot

Oh, and Mary Sue:
Today "Mary Sue" carries a connotation of wish-fulfillment and is commonly associated with self-insertion (the writing of oneself into a fictional story). True self-insertion is a literal and generally undisguised representation of the author; most characters described as "Mary Sues" are not, though they are often called "proxies"[5] for the author. The negative connotation comes from this "wish-fulfillment" implication: the "Mary Sue" is judged a poorly developed character, too perfect and lacking in realism to be interesting.[6] (Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue)
I don't think the main character is that much of a Mary Sue actually ;u; just my opinion.
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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#38 Post by RunicV » Tue Dec 11, 2012 9:05 am

Ah, I don't mean Mary-Sue, sorry. I meant that she seemed a little generic. When I read her profile, I didn't feel any like or dislike towards her as she was rather one-dimensional, plain and boring.

I may seem a bit harsh here, but all of the characters are pretty, well, plain and boring. The art makes up for it, but I believe a good cast of characters is important too. The cast right now seems a bit unrealistic, probably due to their odd likes and dislikes.

For example:
Atribute: ????
Age:16
Likes: Praising her, Kind people, Sing, Play instruments, Nature, Animals.
Hates: Killers, Mean people, Blood, Sadness.
Rival: None
Inspiration: Music
I'm pretty sure that any normal person would have the same likes and dislikes. Anyone that is sane and normal dislikes murderers or being sad. A normal person would also definitely dislike someone being a jerk to them, unless they're a masochist or something. Most people can't stand blood or gore, so they would obviously dislike it.

The same can be said about her likes. They're too normal and obvious. There's nothing exactly special about her liking these things. Unless you were trying to make her seem abnormal for being too generic, you should try to understand and develop her character a bit more. As I said in the beginning, right now she doesn't seem realistic, she just seems too one-dimensional.

The male characters are also rather cliche, but I'm not going to go through all of them. I'm not your writer, so it isn't my duty to do so.

For a first game, this is quite ambitious. I hope you're dedicated enough to keep pushing with this game all through the end. Quite a lot of WIPs have stalled, and been given up. I don't wish for that to happen to this game. If you need any help, you can always ask for it.

Another thing: the summary is still a bit vague and awkard. This link:http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... =4&t=17683 may help you out.

I've noticed that Heartless-Star is the writer for this game. However, the opening post is riddled with lots of spelling errors, and that doesn't exactly help to make people interested in your game, since Heartless-Star is the one who wrote the opening post. If they think the writer can't write a proper promotional post (whatever you call it, opening post etc), then they'll think that the game will be badly written.

I wish you the best of luck with this game.
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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#39 Post by Heartless-Star » Wed Dec 12, 2012 4:43 am

RunicV wrote:Ah, I don't mean Mary-Sue, sorry. I meant that she seemed a little generic. When I read her profile, I didn't feel any like or dislike towards her as she was rather one-dimensional, plain and boring.

I may seem a bit harsh here, but all of the characters are pretty, well, plain and boring. The art makes up for it, but I believe a good cast of characters is important too. The cast right now seems a bit unrealistic, probably due to their odd likes and dislikes.

For example:
Atribute: ????
Age:16
Likes: Praising her, Kind people, Sing, Play instruments, Nature, Animals.
Hates: Killers, Mean people, Blood, Sadness.
Rival: None
Inspiration: Music
I'm pretty sure that any normal person would have the same likes and dislikes. Anyone that is sane and normal dislikes murderers or being sad. A normal person would also definitely dislike someone being a jerk to them, unless they're a masochist or something. Most people can't stand blood or gore, so they would obviously dislike it.

The same can be said about her likes. They're too normal and obvious. There's nothing exactly special about her liking these things. Unless you were trying to make her seem abnormal for being too generic, you should try to understand and develop her character a bit more. As I said in the beginning, right now she doesn't seem realistic, she just seems too one-dimensional.

The male characters are also rather cliche, but I'm not going to go through all of them. I'm not your writer, so it isn't my duty to do so.

For a first game, this is quite ambitious. I hope you're dedicated enough to keep pushing with this game all through the end. Quite a lot of WIPs have stalled, and been given up. I don't wish for that to happen to this game. If you need any help, you can always ask for it.

Another thing: the summary is still a bit vague and awkard. This link:http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... =4&t=17683 may help you out.

I've noticed that Heartless-Star is the writer for this game. However, the opening post is riddled with lots of spelling errors, and that doesn't exactly help to make people interested in your game, since Heartless-Star is the one who wrote the opening post. If they think the writer can't write a proper promotional post (whatever you call it, opening post etc), then they'll think that the game will be badly written.

I wish you the best of luck with this game.
I understand what you mean and there would be no way we would stop this project. I know im not good writer so i have been looking for a writer since the project started. And now i finally found one so there wont be any problem about writing so you all can relax now. I have never been originally thinking being the writer since i already know that im not qualified of it. Im originally an programmer and since there havent been anyone who wanted to be the writer for this project (until now) i basically thought i could be until i found one :)

So no worries people, everything is going to go well and yeah about the characters being boring, i guess we have to make them interesting so i'll and the others will work hard and make them interesting. And thanks for your thought about this and you dont sound hars at all since you told us truth and your thought. Beside we aren't someone who gives up just like that just because of these things. As i said, im always up for opinions and thoughts. but remember this is our first VN ever so it cant be perfect :)

Well im gonna disappear now *using smokeball and disappear*

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#40 Post by KingofKingz » Sat Dec 15, 2012 1:11 pm

Wooooaaaah!! The a-art is sooo beautiful XD
This is awesome, i love the art and the story is really interesting!
I will totally keep an eye on this :D
PS: I dont think that the characters are boring at ALL! They are quite interesting, keep up with the hard work :)

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#41 Post by ShojiAmasawa » Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:35 pm

The art, the characters, the story... Anything thing in praise I could say has already been said by someone else! I wish you the best of luck with this! But let me ask one thing: Do you have a logo yet? If not, I would be happy to make one for you! Either way, this looks quite good. I will be keeping my eye on this!

Here's my thread if you're interested. It would be free, because I am volunteering!

http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewtopic.php?t=15434
Last edited by ShojiAmasawa on Sun Dec 30, 2012 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#42 Post by TheOneTwo » Sun Dec 30, 2012 8:53 am

HELLO! The game is really cute! The characters are well-drawn also.. Though, there is, uhm.. quite a small problem.. Your grammar and spellings of the words.. well, they need improvement. Like, you said that the main protagonist's uncle is the 'principle'. It's supposed to be principal. And.. 'lifes' is wrong. It's supposed to be lives.

So, if you need help with the grammar checking and script stuff.. I could help. I hope you won't be mad with my comment. :D :D
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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#43 Post by Heartless-Star » Mon Dec 31, 2012 3:50 pm

ShojiAmasawa wrote:The art, the characters, the story... Anything thing in praise I could say has already been said by someone else! I wish you the best of luck with this! But let me ask one thing: Do you have a logo yet? If not, I would be happy to make one for you! Either way, this looks quite good. I will be keeping my eye on this!

Here's my thread if you're interested. It would be free, because I am volunteering!

http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewtopic.php?t=15434
Thanks you for liking the art and the story! We will do our best with this project and make sure it's to everyones liking. Im thankful that you want to help us with the logo but we are already in progress with it and we will soon post it up in a while. I hope that you will play out VN when it finished and i hope you will be to our aid somewhere in the future. :)

Ps: About the ones who asked about the demo it will soon be realesed, i cant be certain when but it will hopefully be not too long from now.
TheOneTwo wrote:HELLO! The game is really cute! The characters are well-drawn also.. Though, there is, uhm.. quite a small problem.. Your grammar and spellings of the words.. well, they need improvement. Like, you said that the main protagonist's uncle is the 'principle'. It's supposed to be principal. And.. 'lifes' is wrong. It's supposed to be lives.

So, if you need help with the grammar checking and script stuff.. I could help. I hope you won't be mad with my comment. :D :D
No, i would never be angry with your comment. Thanks for telling me since i need to learn from my mistakes for the sake of the game. I would be happy if you where to help us. Im also glad that you liked the characters since we are trying to make them as good looking as possible! ^w^

I'll will now go and fix the mistakes i have done and make my writing understandable for other to read. Im glad that you told me this for otherwise i wouldn't have noticed :) Thanks again for telling me!

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#44 Post by Roseus Mirabili » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:04 pm

Obviously, I'm going to agree with the fact that the art is simply beautiful. I will definitely be keeping an eye on this game and will look forward to downloading it. I also love your little short character summaries and besides the fact that your english is just a tad off, I see nothing else wrong with it at the moment. Keep it up the good work ^^

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Re: The Legend Of Mytheril [GxB] [School Life] [Magic] [Myst

#45 Post by Heartless-Star » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:31 pm

Roseus Mirabili wrote:Obviously, I'm going to agree with the fact that the art is simply beautiful. I will definitely be keeping an eye on this game and will look forward to downloading it. I also love your little short character summaries and besides the fact that your english is just a tad off, I see nothing else wrong with it at the moment. Keep it up the good work ^^
Thank you for liking the art and the summaries of the characters! (Not trying to say too much of the characters, otherwise it wouldn't be any fun) Im also glad that you're going to play or VN when it's finished but for now we are trying to get the demo done. I quite now that my english is't all good since its not my mother langue, but i'll try to fix my mistakes. Thanks for this comment, we will do our best with this project and make it as good as possible! :)

PS: Im not the writer because of these circumstances, and i want to presentate our writer Strawberry for joining us in this Project! Here can you all see her writing before joining -----> http://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewto ... 38&t=18344

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