Farming Life : A Goddess Calls [New Demo for Linex]

[briannavon]

The first beta is soon to be released (don't get excited, it's just the intro and it does not have much art so all you can do is play around with buttons and watch the MC stand there)

[briannavon]

Go get the beta on the first page (or on the website in a few minutes)

[eileen]

Hey Briannavon

I tried your beta but I think your textspeed is really slow. I had to double click to continue reading while not waiting for text to slowly pop up. Will comment more soon. I thought I would tell you that ^-^;;

[briannavon]

Hey Briannavon

I tried your beta but I think your textspeed is really slow. I had to double click to continue reading while not waiting for text to slowly pop up. Will comment more soon. I thought I would tell you that ^-^;;

Yeah, I noticed that. I will change that next beta!

[wonderland]

Hello! (: I have a mac and the beta isn't working for me?

[bellice]

I love Harvest Moon and was always annoyed I couldn't make my girl farmer marry another girl.
So I'll be keeping an eye on this.

[briannavon]

Hello! (: I have a mac and the beta isn't working for me?

OH, I'm sorry! I had upload the beta tested one, which was windows. I'll make a mac one right away!

[briannavon]

Here is the robot colored by suqling! It's super cool! :

[briannavon]

The Mac version is up now!

[wererat42]

I played the beta, and well, to be honest the dialogue needs quite a lot of work. Like for example when you walk up to the Mayor he says (I assume to himself) that he's feeling sad. It might be better to convey this through some observations in the narrative - it is always better to show instead of tell. Then you have his daughter saying you can't cook. How does she know this? It might be better to have her say something like "I bet she can't cook" or "She looks like she can't cook"?

Those are just a few things that really stuck out in my mind.

[briannavon]

I played the beta, and well, to be honest the dialogue needs quite a lot of work. Like for example when you walk up to the Mayor he says (I assume to himself) that he's feeling sad. It might be better to convey this through some observations in the narrative - it is always better to show instead of tell. Then you have his daughter saying you can't cook. How does she know this? It might be better to have her say something like "I bet she can't cook" or "She looks like she can't cook"?

Those are just a few things that really stuck out in my mind.

Well, Brandy says that it's kind of a know-it-all statement, but since people will be confused, I'll change that. As for the Mayor, I had him say his feeling only because I don't have the art yet.

[Hijiri]

Alright, I'm going to be completely blunt and honest about this, so don't be surpised if it ends up sounding harsh:

For starters, the grammar in this was bad, or awkwardly worded. Second, you seem to tell us things instead of showing it to us ("You will enjoy it here!" "I feel so sad." "She looks hurt./'I'm hurt' "). Thirdly, the lack of scene transitions makes the writing weaker than what it would be with them. Another thing about the writing was that it was so...infodup-ey. The most glaring examples were the house 'scene' and the part about the goddess. ([paraphrased] "This is your bed, sleep here. This is the TV, watch stuff here. This is the phone, call people here." These are all things that are common knowledge, and really have no use in being here.) The narrative is rather biopolar; sorta like a mix of first, second, and third person narrative. I suggest you stick to one narrative form and write in that one form. Then there's the pacing...which this lacks a lot. The pacing makes it feel as if you're just trying to rush through everything as fast as possible, offering little in the terms of storytelling (The goddess' first appearance is the glaring example of this problem.). The last real problem I have is that the main character doesn't speak at all. If she had talked at least once, then some of the things the other characters say would make sense. But as of right now, it's more like the protagonist is just...there. The events are occurring without any physical or mental input, which makes me question why she's even doing any of the things that seem to fall upon her.

This is only a few of the problems found in the demo. Understand that I do this with the hopes that you will take this to improve, and also understand that this is NOT an attack on you.

[briannavon]

Alright, I'm going to be completely blunt and honest about this, so don't be surpised if it ends up sounding harsh:

For starters, the grammar in this was bad, or awkwardly worded. Second, you seem to tell us things instead of showing it to us ("You will enjoy it here!" "I feel so sad." "She looks hurt./'I'm hurt' "). Thirdly, the lack of scene transitions makes the writing weaker than what it would be with them. Another thing about the writing was that it was so...infodup-ey. The most glaring examples were the house 'scene' and the part about the goddess. ([paraphrased] "This is your bed, sleep here. This is the TV, watch stuff here. This is the phone, call people here." These are all things that are common knowledge, and really have no use in being here.) The narrative is rather biopolar; sorta like a mix of first, second, and third person narrative. I suggest you stick to one narrative form and write in that one form. Then there's the pacing...which this lacks a lot. The pacing makes it feel as if you're just trying to rush through everything as fast as possible, offering little in the terms of storytelling (The goddess' first appearance is the glaring example of this problem.). The last real problem I have is that the main character doesn't speak at all. If she had talked at least once, then some of the things the other characters say would make sense. But as of right now, it's more like the protagonist is just...there. The events are occurring without any physical or mental input, which makes me question why she's even doing any of the things that seem to fall upon her.

This is only a few of the problems found in the demo. Understand that I do this with the hopes that you will take this to improve, and also understand that this is NOT an attack on you.

Don't worry, I'm know it's not an attack. I just wrote the game this way because Harvest Moon is written that way (the character does not say much, in some they move to town with no reason). As for pacing, I will improve that in time for the next demo, don't you worry!

[latte]

While I understand you might want to closely follow HM's structure, it isn't advisable -- since this is an adventure game and not a pure simulation one, it's already text-heavy enough without infodumps of little purpose. Try something within the lines of "this is your house/bedroom, its facilities include a phone, a tv, etc." maybe? Also, unless it's absolutely necessary to explain the bed's mechanics (e.g. you save there), you may want to leave it out entirely; it's a bedroom, of course there is a bed and you sleep there.

I'm a diehard HM fan as well, but the selling point of your game should lie in reinventing the concept, not copy-pasting it because it's a different context. Best of luck!

[Compulsive Liar]

The last real problem I have is that the main character doesn't speak at all.

Whoa whoa whoa, Hijiri! That is totally unfair!

The protagonist does in fact talk. The entire demo was building up to that one suspenseful moment. I'm sorry, but you must have missed the subtle subtext. I mean, come on. It was foreshadowing since the very beginning that she would eventually say something.

Here is a playthrough of the game.