Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

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KittyKatStar
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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#31 Post by KittyKatStar » Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:25 pm

Finished the demo, I loved all of the characters, especially Linus. ^^ The art/GUI was polished, the CGs amazing (I really love the style <3 ). Congrats on such an awesome demo.

The only nitpick I can think of is that sometimes the textbox is hard to read due to the background (a few of the city backgrounds.)

I look forward to the full thing. ^_^
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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#32 Post by Kagura » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:47 am

Those drawings c: so awesum!!! >w< Goodluck for the full version and I'll try it out x3 sure the game will be awesum too ^-^

---
EDIT: :uu I can't seem to extract it, I'm using winRAR.
And whenever I try to extract the file, "The archive is either in unknown format or damaged."
; - ;' //BtwI'mUsingWindows.
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I can do voice actings and help with the story~
Just message me if y'need help c:

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#33 Post by trepiechick » Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:00 am

I love the darker story! I didn't play too far since I don't want to become a nuisance in my impatience for more. So many otome-type games are happy and fluffy, and while that's fine, it's really nice to get something more mature. So brofist to you, my darling, and feel free to hit me up if you need another proof-reader/editor/grammar nazi.

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#34 Post by SheerGlade » Mon Dec 30, 2013 12:05 pm

Thanks so much for all the feedback! :D

@trepiechick *brofists back* Thanks so much for commenting on that aspect of the game; I was hoping I was able to get the darker themes across in spite of all the silliness in it as well. I will definitely get to you when the time comes around, because a larger group of proofreaders/editors would be amazing. ;u;

Also, if anyone is having an extraction problem similar to Kagura's, it can most likely be solved by redownloading the game.

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#35 Post by glamsam8 » Tue Dec 31, 2013 12:49 am

SO I enjoyed this demo. Greatly. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! As a demo, it was paced great, and didn't leave too many cliffhangers, and while I still have many questions, I feel as if it was just enough to keep me sated for now. Is there anything that you want specific feedback on? I'm willing to give any since if I don't have a focus, this post may go on for pages.

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#36 Post by HollowVesta » Tue Dec 31, 2013 1:45 am

I love it, I really can't wait for the full game I am so excited, when do you think it is going to be finished? (not to rush you or anything) I like how the story is different, the characters are great (Cath and Acer <3) I want to know what happens and it is definitely a good place to end the demo. I like how you are slowly showing us Alice's past. I'm really looking forward to it.

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#37 Post by syntacticsugar » Tue Dec 31, 2013 6:00 am

I finished playing the demo last night. Overall, I liked it. The world was interesting, as were the mysteries surrounding the characters. I found most of the characters likeable (*cough*especially Steven*cough*), and I'm looking forward to the complete game! There was a lot of content in the demo, and I'm excited to see how deep the final version goes.

I actually originally found a link to the demo off of the englishotomegames tumblr, and the post said you were looking for feedback, so I collected a few thoughts while playing in case you're interested. I've put them in a spoiler tag for everyone else since pieces of dialogue/parts of the story/etc are referenced.

Feedback (WARNING references demo content!)
Caveat: I do understand that I was playing a demo so some of these notes may be known issues, but I figure it's probably better to list too much than too little?
Things I Liked:
* Interesting story
* Lots of hours of gameplay (even just in the demo!)
* Interesting characters
* A ton of different expressions for the characters
* Interesting, mysterious world
* Lots of CGs
* The character art is great
* Text font is easy to read

Potential Issues?:
* The lack of the bottom of the nose drawn on Alice's bust (talking) sprite bothered me. This is probably highly subjective and a stylistic choice, but she was the only character without the bottom of their nose drawn in straight-on shots.
* I play all my visual novels on max text speed, so that's what I attempted to play the demo on. This would occasionally cause problems with the way some of the dialogue is handled in the game, where either some of the dialogue in a particular text box would appear with timed delays, or when the transition to the next text box felt like it was automatically forced (?). The former problem (timed text delays) could be remedied with a marker at the end of the text for each screen, so the reader knows that the text is done. I would finish reading the text on the screen and click on the text box to proceed, only to see delayed text pop into the box (faster than I could read it) as the screen changed. However, if there were some sort of indicator that let me know when the text was done loading, I would be able to tell when to wait versus when to click for the next screen.
* I really wanted a "History" option to review what text had been on my screen. This was exacerbated by the above problem, but it might be nice.
* It wasn't obvious to me that in the UI, the left-most oval button was actually a skip button. I actually figured it was just a button whose functionality was not supported in the demo. When I hovered over it nothing happened, and it wasn't until I was replaying some choices that I noticed it now said "SKIP".
* There are some text/typo problems in the story. Examples: at least one incorrect use of its vs it's (though I was unable to grab a screenshot), "Cath is so strange, but if I really wnat his help", "Though faint, It's impossible" (capitalization).
* In the scene where Alice and Cath first meet Linus and Cath gets shot, there's 2 related CGs: a close-up of Cath's face and a picture of Linus holding Cath. However, the direction Cath is facing in these two CGs conflict with one another. In the zoomed-in CG, Cath's head is by Linus's left arm, but in the zoomed-out CG, Cath's head is by Linus's right arm.
* One of Alice's sprites in the demo doesn't have eyes. I have a screenshot of her saying "I don't what?" in the kitchen with this sprite, if it would help.
* It was a bit unclear to me how much of Alice's memory she's supposed to have lost. She doesn't know who she used to be or where she came from, but she makes references in the dialogue to modern day pop culture, like match.com and Aladdin. I found myself wondering, how is it that she remembers these things but nothing about herself? Wouldn't she have lost memory about this too?
* On the first night in the truck, I was confused that after Cath told me, "THAT'S IT; I'M DONE ANSWERING YOUR QUESTIONS," I was presented with the option to re-ask the questions I had just asked him instead of being forced to move on.
* It may be related to the fact that I play the game on the highest text speed (and click through the panels as soon as I'm done reading them), but I had what sounded something akin to a jock jam playing during the first car chase scene when Cath got shot. It was a bit dissonant with what the text on my screen was telling me was happening.
* Maybe I missed something, but the first fight between Alice and Cath on the roof confused me. They had just finished getting shot at, and they get to the roof. Before Alice even realizes she'll need to jump across the canyon, she and Cath have this huge, long fight that it seems like people who got shot at and that are not in a remotely safe place would not be having. Wouldn't their first priority be to find cover and a safe location? (As a comparison, having this argument after she realizes she has to trust Cath enough to jump across the canyon, as she does when she has this realization in the game, makes total sense to me.)

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#38 Post by SheerGlade » Tue Dec 31, 2013 1:30 pm

@glamsam8 So glad to hear you liked it! If you have any specific criticisms or suggestions, then I would love to hear them, but more than anything I would love to hear if you encountered any "logical flaws" or things that seemed off or too unrealistic to you (such as character interactions) like syntacticsugar provided in their post. :)

@HollowVesta I really appreciate your support. I hate to say it, but since this a one-man project as of right now and I still have to keep up schoolwork and just...life in general, then 1-2 more years isn't a stretch. I want the game to be fairly long and give each character a satisfying, self-sufficient path that's just as good as any of the other paths.

@syntacticsugar You have no idea how much I appreciate your detailed feedback! You are an angel, seriously. ;D; I responded to it...sorry in advance for tl;dr. Again, thank you SO SO MUCH, especially for coming onto lemma and making an account to give me feedback! Your critique really helps. I'm just sorry that all the technical issues put a dent in your experience. ^^;
* Thank you for pointing out about the nose. xD; If she's the only one whose is different, then I need to fix it in order to keep the art consistent. By the time of the final release, I will most likely be revamping all of the art, so I'll be sure to remember that.
* I really like the idea of the text marker, and hadn't even thought of it before. I made the text automatically skip ahead when one character interrupts another, but I've gotten a lot of complaints about that, so I'll eliminate it. I'm very sorry if playing through with max text speed was a bad experience; to my shame, I never tested the text speed that fast, so I sincerely appreciate the feedback on this.
* The game should allow you to review previous dialogue by scrolling up with your mouse (you may already know this; if so, then sorry ehehe) but people unaccustomed to Ren'Py games may not be aware. But a History feature with an individual textbox that opens upon clicking would be a nice addition, so thank you for the suggestion.
* SKIP did not initially appear because in the game's options, skipping unread text/dialogue is automatically disabled. The game can be set to allow skipping of both read and unread text in the options menu, but the button cannot really be pressed otherwise. This is due to the graphics I created in designing it, so the problem can be remedied easily.
* Oh, dear. I'm so embarrassed about those typos. Thank you for bringing them to my attention.
* *sobs over the CG discrepancies of Cath in the tunnel* Yeah, I have had that brought to my attention, too...Will definitely be fixed in the final version.
* Lol, in regard to the sprite where her eyes get small, I intended it to be a comical expression. Like she's just befuddled. But if it's off-putting, then I understand. XD
* For the sake of making lame references, Alice suspends her character, like the others break the fourth wall occasionally. ^^; I've thought about that, too. I guess it's the part of the story that doesn't take itself too seriously - and there are reasons why she might recall these things that I can't reveal - but if you and others feel it puts too much of a damper on the story, then removing the references is a small price to pay.
* I enabled the repeat of the questions in the truck in case the player wanted to view them again since the choices don't branch and the information is important, but it truly doesn't logically flow with the story. Thank you for saying that; more than one person has pointed that out now, so I'll take care of it.
* "Jock jam..." I lol'd. XD If I recall correctly, then I think I played electronic action music (that's what I'd call it at least) after Cath gets shot. More severe sounding music...may be more appropriate, I agree.
* The fight occurs when Alice is so dismayed by the state of the world and her circumstances that she drops down, unwilling to go on. She doesn't want to flee because she doesn't feel it's worth it. Cath has to persuade her to go on (hence the fight), but like you said, a long argument seems unrealistic, considering the urgency of the situation. I really appreciate your perspective on this issue and will definitely remember it when I'm polishing/rewriting for the final version.

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#39 Post by notimportantprs » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:28 am

Hi! So I've played through the demo in one go (took me 4 hours, but I tend to get caught up in staring at CGs while imagining the scene XD ) and since you wanted some feedback, here it is! Hope it helps :)

Well, first of all, I really really like the original plot! Especially the fact that it's dark and sometimes gory, you don't see that often but I find it adds to the atmosphere. I've been wanting to introduce my Dad to VNs, I think I might show him this one. XD I also like the world you've created, and the way the reader is introduced into it. You always reveal just enough to keep me guessing and yet there's never an overload of information. I'm usually iffy about long explanation scenes in VNs because they tend to get overly in-depth and boring, but here I didn't feel that at all!

In fact, I really liked Alice's narrative all around, it kept me on my toes and wanting to see what happens next!
The tight pants thing had me laugh so hard XD Although, in the very beginning when she's 'asleep', it did feel a bit long and overdramatic, but if that was the effect you wanted to evoke so as to dispell it later with the pants joke, then you were fully successful!
I thihnk that with Alice you've created a character that has the potential to become really strong, but she's just at the beginning of her journey, so she has her weak moments as well. For me as a reader, that's all the more interesting since I want to see her character grow! By the way, can I ask how tall she is? It's hard to infer from the CGs, but when I read I like to imagine characters standing next to each other. Like, in comparison to Cath, how much shorter would she be?

I also adore the art. Even though it has a very comic-y feel to it, it still somehow manages to convey serious emotions when the situation calls for it -
like that CG of the Pillar
- and that's really amazing!
The second rocket bump scene and the scene where Linus opens up Alice's back made my kokoro go all dokidoki <3
Also, I think you should feel proud of the fact that even though you work alone, there are so many high quality CGs. It really adds to the atmosphere while reading! (And I've seen 20$ paid games that had less CGs than yours... *coughnicolecough*)

As for the other characters, I liked them all! Mind, not in the way of actually liking them as a person
Acer is sooooo annoying and I'm still not sure if I want to murder Cath or not at this point
but in that all of them have a distinct personality without being too stereotypical. Of course, as an author you've gotta work with stereotypes - the grumpy guy, the nice guy, the bubbly guy, the playboy etc - but you've given them more depth than that, they feel like actual people, not just pictures.

Alright, and now for the things that I think could use improvement.^^
-maybe I'm just stupid but I didn't find the button to the CG gallery even though on the first page it says the demo has one?
-others have already said this, but sometimes the textbox skipped too fast without waiting for me to read all the text
-
During the time when Cath is still asleep after the surgery, to me it felt like you tried too hard to bring comedic elements into the plot. I don't mind some comedy with my drama, but I thought you broke the fourth wall a bit too often, and for too long. During the card game scene, when they first started talking about the necessity of such a scene, I thought it was funny, but then they kept and kept on talking about it and to me it felt like it was too much, I wanted them to quickly return to being 'normal' characters again. But maybe that's just me?^^ Also, when during dinner they started talking about dateable characters or something, again it felt to me like they lingered on that topic for too long. I'd prefer a short, cutting remark to make the reader aware that the fourth wall was broken, and then for the characters to go back to normal. Like Alice does sometimes with pop culture references.
-
Sometimes it felt to me like characters got mad over the littlest of things and overreacted a bit. Like when Alice stared at the plant guy for too long and in the end ended up taped to the wall... I thought it was a bit too much. But again, maybe that's just me being inflexible.^^ It's just that for me, I'd prefer that a story stick mainly with one genre, and since it started out pretty dramatic, I get bothered when it becomes too comedic. ^^ Also, Alice's ceaseless arguments with Cath and how she goes back and forth between hating him and being friendly... Sometimes it felt like she got a bit too mad... Sorry but I don't remember any concrete examples ><
Hmm, guess that's all, at least nothing else comes to mind... Sorry if I was a bit incoherent, it's like 4 am here XD
Anyway, really looking forward to the final release now! Keep up the good work! :D

P.S. Oh and yeah, something that just came to mind... Since you said that it might still take 1-2 years till the final version... Maybe you could consider releasing the routes one by one? I mean, I don't know anything about programming or stuff like that, but from an author's point of view, dividing the project into smaller goals might make you feel more motivated. Besides, the fans would be happy too and you'd get feedback on each route. Just thought it might be something to think about :)

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#40 Post by Grumpypoo » Fri Jan 03, 2014 1:46 am

I found the demo for this game via the English Otome blog, and registered here to tell you how much I enjoyed it. Also, because you requested critique, and there were a few minor things that might be improved upon.

1. When Alice and Cath have their first Q&A, the first question I would have asked was,
"What promise did we make to each other?" The second would have been, "How did we know each other?" Yet, none of these come up in any conversation. If Cath knowing Alice prior to her loss of consciousness is supposed to be a big secret until some point near the end, then there is way too much hint dropping for Alice to not ask about it before the big reveal.
2. The survivors refer to Alice as
"Krissy", as does Cath when he's on the verge of death. At this point it's obvious that all of these people knew Alice (or at least knew of Alice) prior to her loss of consciousness. Unless androids can suffer from brain damage, or Alice has been programmed not to pick up on hints of who she used to be, it makes absolutely no sense for her to not realize that these people are familiar with her old self.
Either she needs to ask these people what's up sooner rather than later, or there needs to be way less hint dropping. Otherwise, you're just making her hold the idiot ball. :(

3. The fight over the wallet was cute, but went on a teensy bit too long. If you see any easy ways to prune it, I say go for it. It's not that big of a deal though.

Overall, this was a ton of fun to read/watch, and I'm going to do so at least one more time to see the couple things I might have missed due to the choices I made. While I appreciate that this is going to be freeware, I hope you know this will likely be commercial quality by time you're finished. I eagerly await the final version. :)

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#41 Post by thenameslynith13 » Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:46 pm

Fantastic, brilliant, awesome! I'm already obsessed with this game. Your setting, plot, and characters are all so unique and I love it all! Thank you for making a long demo, some are really short and its hard to get a feel for the game, but yours just hooks you in. I really wanted to play for Ivan, cause he's all sexy and macho but I guess we can't really do his route yet. I knew I would like Cath right away and I did. But I started really liking Steven as well. The only, only, issue I had was when the text would jumped to the next dialogue without me clicking. It was a little frustrating because I had to go back and try to read it quickly. Other than that it was superb! I'll be waiting for the full version, keep it up! XD

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#42 Post by SheerGlade » Sat Jan 04, 2014 4:10 pm

@notimportantprs: Jeez, your comment made me so happy. Thanks so much for complimenting the characters, and I'd be honored if this was your dad's intro to VNs. I just hope he likes it, ehehe...XD I also sketched up a height chart after you mentioned that, so you can see how tall everyone is in relation to each other. Regarding the Gallery, unless there was an error, after playing through at least once you should be able to hover over the circle reading "Forget?" on the main menu to click and access it. I apologize if it still doesn't work. o.o I've decided to entirely eliminate the modifications to text speed, because I don't like a technical issue diminishing everyone's experience. :) I've also deliberated releasing the paths one at a time, but I'd almost feel wrong not presenting it as a whole, since the paths connect on several different levels, though I can think of advantages to this, too.

And on the other two things:
Thank you for addressing the discrepancy between the dark beginning and the more frivolous latter half. I've had concerns about balancing the two genres in the story - even the jump from Alice's first brooding monologue to rambling about Cath's pants. While I'd like to offer a reprieve from all the darkness/death in the beginning, I've worried that it doesn't carry well into the zaniness of the latter half. I need to create a better harmony between the two, and like you said, breaking the fourth wall so much runs the risk of "de-legitimizing" the characters more than being funny. I agree. I want to find a way to better integrate the prevalent "dark themes" (Alice's past, the romantic future and future in general of a person lacking a human body, Blight) with the lighter, day-to-day life and "companionship" moments. Thank you for the feedback on Alice's temper and Daemon as well; I truly, TRULY treasure your perspective on all these things.
@Grumpypoo ...In one fell swoop, you have successfully identified all my greatest anxieties in the story. XD But I thank you SO much for that, because it helped me think hard and determine major elements of the plot I needed to correct and confirm. Also, that wallet scene has always been my least favorite. Always. XD
Linus and the others originally refer to her as "Krissy" because they heard Cath call her that and Alice had not yet introduced herself. But you're right. The hint dropping...needs to be trimmed. Significantly. Ahem.
But you're amazing. Thank you so much for your invaluable feedback.

@thenameslynith13 I appreciate your sweet comment so much! ;u; Teehee, I'm sorry again about Ivan not getting much screentime. For now he's just eye-candy - //shot

Thanks so much to all of you for signing up just to help me! Your feedback is priceless and I seriously. cannot. thank. you. enough. You guys are fantastic. ;u;

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#43 Post by notimportantprs » Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:29 pm

Eeeeh wait is Ivan gonna be a date-able character??? When you said 'for now', I was like 'What?' and then remembered that the description says there are 7 dateable characters but only 6 survivors... OMG!!! Now I'm really excited! ><

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#44 Post by Grumpypoo » Sun Jan 05, 2014 8:17 am

SheerGlade wrote:@Grumpypoo ...In one fell swoop, you have successfully identified all my greatest anxieties in the story. XD But I thank you SO much for that, because it helped me think hard and determine major elements of the plot I needed to correct and confirm. Also, that wallet scene has always been my least favorite. Always. XD
Linus and the others originally refer to her as "Krissy" because they heard Cath call her that and Alice had not yet introduced herself. But you're right. The hint dropping...needs to be trimmed. Significantly. Ahem.
But you're amazing. Thank you so much for your invaluable feedback.
I'm sorry to hear this was a great source of anxiety for you, but this game is so close to perfection it would be a shame for you to miss the mark due to something so easily corrected. ;)
SheerGlade wrote: Thanks so much to all of you for signing up just to help me! Your feedback is priceless and I seriously. cannot. thank. you. enough. You guys are fantastic. ;u;
Thank you. I consider it well worth the effort if it helps you to finish the game, and to make it reach its full potential. Alice is a great character, and it's a testament to good writing that my least favorite character (Cath) is still at least interesting.

Since my last reply to this thread I've taken the demo for a second spin. The only other constructive criticism I can offer that I don't think has been offered already is in regard to Ivan, and this could be considered subjective: the way that his accent is written is tedious to read, and I frequently find myself clicking past his dialogue altogether. Mind you, that he simply has an accent isn't the problem, rather it's the phonetic spelling. You might be better off just describing what his accent sounds like, or at the very least telling the reader where Ivan hails from. When I read his dialogue, I imagine it being Russian, but that's because I'm used to American films frequently casting us as the villains. If it is meant to be a Russian accent, most people already know what one sounds like anyway...because American films frequently cast us as the villains. :P

It's not a deal breaker if you leave Ivan's dialogue as is, so if you really like it the way it is then there's no harm in leaving it alone.

If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Thank you for the free entertainment. The demo alone was lots of fun. :)

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Re: Essence [post-apocalyptic GxB] [scifi/dramedy] DEMO UP!

#45 Post by sunkissie24 » Thu Jan 09, 2014 1:26 am

:D OmG I loved this demo so much I created an account just to be able to post and tell you please finish this game as soon as u possibly can lol I cant wait. I love visual novels and I haven't been so engaged in such a long time. I am totally taken away by the unique story perspective the characters and the dark plot. It is so new unique and refreshing. I love it!! Basically I can't think of any other critiques that haven't already been mentioned. Totally looking forward to more updates and the finished product!!

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