imaginary Boy (otome-Comedy-Normal life)

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Sekai sora
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imaginary Boy (otome-Comedy-Normal life)

#1 Post by Sekai sora » Wed Apr 24, 2013 9:00 am

imaginary Boy
Image

ƸӁƷ ƸӁƷ ƸӁƷ ƸӁƷ ƸӁƷ

otome comedy-normal life

my first visual novel

story~~

the story talk about a girl live alone after her parents
died in Accident after that she take massge from her
grand father ask her to leave the house and live with him
she refuse to live with and she go to live in the apartment
and there she meet the 3 boys!!


gomnasi about my eng ^_^" :oops:

character

Lina Rin
Image
age: 17

Kotaro
Image
Image
age: 18
active-Nervous- nice-baka


Sai
Image
Image
age: 19
Nervous-evil ><-somehow nice ^_^


Yuki
Image
Image
age: 17
nice-friendly-calm



❀❀❀❀❀❀


story ~~ sekai sora and yasashii akuma
art ~~ sekai sora
color character ~~ yasashii akuma
Last edited by Sekai sora on Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:27 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Anomandaris
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#2 Post by Anomandaris » Wed Apr 24, 2013 1:51 pm

The art is very cute! I like the smiley faces on the boys' shirts and the two-tone hair colors at the tips. Some more details about the plot might be helpful in this synopsis - how are the three boys connected to her grandfather? Is there some sort of mystery plot (some strange events happening in/around her grandfather's house? Facts about the accident?), or is it a slice-of-life/school sort of story?

There's no need to apologize for your English! However, definitely make sure to have this proofread well before releasing. I wouldn't mind helping, if you're looking for a proofreader at any point!

Edit: sorry, just scrolled up and saw "Comedy/normal life" at the top. Some more details about the plot would still be helpful, though!

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eingelle
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#3 Post by eingelle » Wed Apr 24, 2013 2:50 pm

This looks super cute! Your art style is very bubbly and bright. I can't wait for more updates! ^o^

I also agree with Anomandaris. I hope you add more info into the synopsis so that it can help us connect the male characters to the story.

I like Sai by the way. ...Ehehe.

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VocaloidsRCool
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#4 Post by VocaloidsRCool » Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:01 pm

This is so cute! I can't wait to play it.

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Sekai sora
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#5 Post by Sekai sora » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:52 am

Anomandaris wrote:The art is very cute! I like the smiley faces on the boys' shirts and the two-tone hair colors at the tips. Some more details about the plot might be helpful in this synopsis - how are the three boys connected to her grandfather? Is there some sort of mystery plot (some strange events happening in/around her grandfather's house? Facts about the accident?), or is it a slice-of-life/school sort of story?

There's no need to apologize for your English! However, definitely make sure to have this proofread well before releasing. I wouldn't mind helping, if you're looking for a proofreader at any point!

Edit: sorry, just scrolled up and saw "Comedy/normal life" at the top. Some more details about the plot would still be helpful, though!
origrooo!! :D anomandaris!!
^o^ no the three boys has no connected with her grand father
there is not mystery just slice of life ..-___-'
my plot baka!! :oops: ^_^ I will fix it thanks!
origtoo for you reading my post

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Sekai sora
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#6 Post by Sekai sora » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:59 am

eingelle wrote:This looks super cute! Your art style is very bubbly and bright. I can't wait for more updates! ^o^

I also agree with Anomandaris. I hope you add more info into the synopsis so that it can help us connect the male characters to the story.

I like Sai by the way. ...Ehehe.
origtooo!! eingelle ^_^
>\\\<
I will do that and thanks!!
sai~~........!
nice choice ^W^

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Sekai sora
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#7 Post by Sekai sora » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:04 am

VocaloidsRCool wrote:This is so cute! I can't wait to play it.
origtooo!! :oops:

VocaloidsRCool

I will do my best to finish it!! ^__^ :D

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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#8 Post by TheOneTwo » Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:43 am

Sho cute~ Can't wait for you to finish this. :D I hope you'll find people who could help you about the language but still, this is really kawaii~!

Good Luck! :)
Bish please, I'm fab.
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Sekai sora
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#9 Post by Sekai sora » Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:37 am

TheOneTwo wrote:Sho cute~ Can't wait for you to finish this. :D I hope you'll find people who could help you about the language but still, this is really kawaii~!

Good Luck! :)

orgitoo!! TheOneTwo!!
:oops: :oops:
thanks for you reading
^\\\\^ origtoooo!

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Sekai sora
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#10 Post by Sekai sora » Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:40 am

some snapshot from my game

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Sekai sora
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#11 Post by Sekai sora » Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:42 am

Image

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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#12 Post by Sekai sora » Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:46 am

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100puro
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Re: imaginary Boy (otoma-Comedy-Normal life)

#13 Post by 100puro » Sun Apr 28, 2013 1:57 pm

The art is cute, though has a bit of anatomical problems.. but for me I don't think it would stop me from playing this game. Though I think you should probably get a proofreader because looking at the demo pictures there seem to be some mistakes. However, it seems to be a fun, light-hearted game that I'll be looking forward too!

Btw you may want to change the tags to "otome" since I was somewhat confused when I saw "otoma".
::Currently looking for work! <3::
Doing sprites, cg's, and chibis. PM me if interested!

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TheOneTwo
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Re: imaginary Boy (otome-Comedy-Normal life)

#14 Post by TheOneTwo » Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:32 am

I agree with 100puro. A proofreader would definitely make this project more awesome. :)
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Re: imaginary Boy (otome-Comedy-Normal life)

#15 Post by Blutkristall » Sun May 19, 2013 1:32 pm

You really should cut the side-images. They're wholly unnecessary and distract from the game itself.
Trust me on this.
Gonna chime in with the two posters above and say that you need to both hire a proofreader -- you yourself said in your opening post that your English leaves something to be desired, and I think that's true -- and work on your anatomy especially the heads including eyes and hair.

I don't know how to feel about the plot, but that's not the main pull of most otome anyways so I guess it's not really worth wasting much thought on.
What I would like would be more in-depth descriptions of the characters. I know they're in that head of yours, so why not get them out in the open?

PS: Why don't you make a VN in your OWN language? English hurdles can be overcome, but it seems wiser to play into your strengths and not into your weaknesses.

PPS: Did you draw those in Paint or GIMP?
SAI might be worth looking into.
Everyone has their favorite blind spot.

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