Letters [GxB, Semi-Fantasy, Romance] -- Discontinued

[MudkipTheDestroyer]

[Project discontinued]

[silverpikachu99]

OHMYGOSHHHH!! 3 games by mudkip in the process of being awesome... I'm so excited for 3 games~~~ Good luck!

[MudkipTheDestroyer]

OHMYGOSHHHH!! 3 games by mudkip in the process of being awesome... I'm so excited for 3 games~~~ Good luck!

Lol, thanks. Your enthusiasm is awesome XD and I try to keep busy with new projects Thanks for wishing me luck~

[RubyGem]

This looks interesting. I've read similar stories in books and all but I haven't really seen it come alive as a VN. So, I look forward to this:)

And good luck- for this, and your other projects:D

[MudkipTheDestroyer]

This looks interesting. I've read similar stories in books and all but I haven't really seen it come alive as a VN. So, I look forward to this:)

And good luck- for this, and your other projects:D

Thank you~! I hope you enjoy playing it in the future

[Firefly]

It sounds like it will have a good story. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread
Good luck with your progress!

[MudkipTheDestroyer]

It sounds like it will have a good story. I'll be keeping an eye on this thread
Good luck with your progress!

Thank you!

[MudkipTheDestroyer]

[Deleted]

[RunicV]

Okay, I tried the demo out, so I'm going to give you my feedback.

First of all, for a file so big, I expected a longer demo. There are completed games that are longer at 70 mb. It was really too short for me to get a feel of the game. I understand you said a short demo, but what is this demo for? Just to see what the game is like? In that case, I think you might have been better off just posting the section of code or words as a preview up here.

The demo felt quite brief, and it cut off just at the exciting part. I'm not sure what your intention was, but if it was to create a cliffhanger, it was a bit of a flop. All we've seen is a argument and the fact that she's locked in a room, and we don't really have a reason to care about her or her circumstances. Most people might not care about it, and your demo might scare them off into playing your full game once it's completed. That being said, I myself was interested in what would happen next because of your premise.

The writing was also very rushed and short. The reader is suddenly asked to enter their name, and then they are arguing with their mother. I was really surprised and I had to rollback to understand what was going on. It was also very brief. For an introduction, I expected a bit more monologue to ease the reader into the story. "How many times have we argued over this?" or "Why does Mother not understand?" might have been a good addition. Normally, monologue is unnecessary as it slows down the pace of your story, but I feel that an introduction should not be so rushed. This might be just me, though. I feel as the reader, that it's hard to keep up with the pace in the beginning.

Suddenly your father comes and throws you into a room, and then you rage for a bit, and then you're calmed down. The change of pace from fast and angry to a slower one of interest is really a bit jarring. I felt it was also a bit cliche that her only friend was an animal, but I think that might be played for drama in the full game, eg. "Even animals are more human than you!"

I was also confused when I was called "Self". Normally people don't do that, it took me a while to realise that it was me talking. The way the characters talk was a bit odd, since they seemed to swap between simple words and yet threw in some words not yet currently seen.

However, I really like the idea and what you've set up in there. Ashlane is a very interesting element inside there, with her being treated better than you and her refusing to help you. The way you also made the mother speak made me think that it's the father who's controlling her, and that it would be possible to change her mind. You've set up a bunch of interesting items inside your game, if you expand and make them more interesting, I think your game will become something pretty unique. Working on your game and branching out all the possibilities can easily make this into a pretty big game. Your ideas are really very unique, and I want to see more of them.

For the art, I'm sorry to say this, but I do not like it. It was a bit messily done, but seeing as you did the art yourself, it's pretty good. I think that it might be to your best interest to recruit an artist to help you with this game, or to use free resources. The basic GUI was also a bit of a turn-off. The music was a bit awkard at times, but it was pleasing to the ears. It didn't fit the scenes, but it sounded good.

In conclusion, what you have is basically like an unpolished diamond: lots of interesting elements, but with a bad execution. You did a really good job on the planning of this game, though! I hope I wasn't too harsh, it's just that this game looks too good to let it die. If you refine it a bit more, it'll be pretty good.

Good luck with your game! If you ever need help, don't hesitate to ask.

[MudkipTheDestroyer]

Okay, I tried the demo out, so I'm going to give you my feedback.

Thanks for all your feedback~ It is always appreciated

First of all, for a file so big, I expected a longer demo. There are completed games that are longer at 70 mb. It was really too short for me to get a feel of the game. I understand you said a short demo, but what is this demo for? Just to see what the game is like? In that case, I think you might have been better off just posting the section of code or words as a preview up here.

Lol, I did warn you that it'd be short. Really, the purpose of it was more to show that the game is being worked on, since I haven't posted an update in quite a while. And since it is just a demo "glimpse" of the setup of the story, I felt no need to compress the file. And I really just don't like posting up chunks of script.

The demo felt quite brief, and it cut off just at the exciting part. I'm not sure what your intention was, but if it was to create a cliffhanger, it was a bit of a flop. All we've seen is a argument and the fact that she's locked in a room, and we don't really have a reason to care about her or her circumstances. Most people might not care about it, and your demo might scare them off into playing your full game once it's completed. That being said, I myself was interested in what would happen next because of your premise.

The ending of the demo was also not based off creating a cliffhanger - I have just literally not written what I want the letter to say yet, and I want to hand-write it in picture form so I just haven't had the time for it. As I mentioned before, the demo was more to show that this game isn't on hiatus (yet), and that there is a base start to it, which I s'pose answers some of your questions about how fast the script was moving; it is pretty much just a rough draft at this point, but I will certainly take your criticisms into mind when going over it.

I was also confused when I was called "Self". Normally people don't do that, it took me a while to realise that it was me talking. The way the characters talk was a bit odd, since they seemed to swap between simple words and yet threw in some words not yet currently seen.

Haha, as for being called "Self" and the word switching, like I said, just a quick draft as well. Wanted to have something in the empty name space and also wanted to keep a reminder of the way the characters are intended to speak.

However, I really like the idea and what you've set up in there. Ashlane is a very interesting element inside there, with her being treated better than you and her refusing to help you. The way you also made the mother speak made me think that it's the father who's controlling her, and that it would be possible to change her mind. You've set up a bunch of interesting items inside your game, if you expand and make them more interesting, I think your game will become something pretty unique. Working on your game and branching out all the possibilities can easily make this into a pretty big game. Your ideas are really very unique, and I want to see more of them.

I'm glad that you like the idea for the game and Ashlane, as well. I appreciate all the hope you have for this game's future production. I have not yet decided if I want this to be a very big game or not, so we shall see.

For the art, I'm sorry to say this, but I do not like it. It was a bit messily done, but seeing as you did the art yourself, it's pretty good. I think that it might be to your best interest to recruit an artist to help you with this game, or to use free resources. The basic GUI was also a bit of a turn-off. The music was a bit awkard at times, but it was pleasing to the ears. It didn't fit the scenes, but it sounded good.

And, yeah. I know about the art. For the people who have played my other VNs, I only used pictures of real people because I recognized that my art is absolutely horrible. But after looking around at some of the other VNs that have been made [e.g. many of the ones that were part of the "Most terrible VN" phase], I figured that it might as well be time to practice. So, basically, this game is me trying to practice doing VN art, especially because I really hate using free resources due to a lack of personality in the game. The music was just chosen quickly off the computer, because I didn't want there to be silence throughout the demo.

In conclusion, what you have is basically like an unpolished diamond: lots of interesting elements, but with a bad execution. You did a really good job on the planning of this game, though! I hope I wasn't too harsh, it's just that this game looks too good to let it die. If you refine it a bit more, it'll be pretty good.

Thank you for the compliment about the game being an "unpolished diamond". You have left me with a lot of criticism to consider just based on a skeleton script, which is much appreciated.

Good luck with your game! If you ever need help, don't hesitate to ask.

I won't - your feedback is very detailed, harsh, and precise, and I really like that. You've given me a lot to think about as I move forward with filling out the script and pulling the game's resources together.