idk how to delete the post so um lol

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UniqueKoro83
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idk how to delete the post so um lol

#1 Post by UniqueKoro83 » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:47 pm

woop
Last edited by UniqueKoro83 on Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:52 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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merdeamour
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Re: Coma --コマ-- [ GXB ]

#2 Post by merdeamour » Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:59 pm

The summary is vague. It certainly caught my attention because of the word 'coma', but that's about it. You shifted from telling about Poisons Adjacent to "boss". Maybe you should provide character profiles (even if you don't have sprites for them, they should help in people visualizing them). Not just "you are playing as this person". Why is Hotaru in a coma? How does she come to know about the place? How about the other characters? Introduce them to us maybe in a short sample of your writing--how about a prologue, or maybe even in a teaser scene?

It's great that you're already starting on the sprites, although I think you should have a clear idea of the story to present to us, the people who are going to play your game in the future.

Good luck with this! (:
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I manage a blog, Another Otome Diary where I give my two cents on otomes I've played. Check it out, or let me know if you want a game of yours reviewed!

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owlcity89
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Re: Coma --コマ-- [ GXB ]

#3 Post by owlcity89 » Fri Jun 14, 2013 11:27 pm

I think this is an interesting idea, but I do agree with merdeamour and that you should give a clearer plot.

UniqueKoro83
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Re: Coma --コマ-- [ GXB ]

#4 Post by UniqueKoro83 » Fri Jun 14, 2013 11:58 pm

merdeamour wrote:The summary is vague. It certainly caught my attention because of the word 'coma', but that's about it. You shifted from telling about Poisons Adjacent to "boss". Maybe you should provide character profiles (even if you don't have sprites for them, they should help in people visualizing them). Not just "you are playing as this person". Why is Hotaru in a coma? How does she come to know about the place? How about the other characters? Introduce them to us maybe in a short sample of your writing--how about a prologue, or maybe even in a teaser scene?

It's great that you're already starting on the sprites, although I think you should have a clear idea of the story to present to us, the people who are going to play your game in the future.

Good luck with this! (:
Thanks you very much! m(._.)m ~bow

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