★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ] - QP5

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lemonscent
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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#46 Post by lemonscent » Tue Jul 16, 2013 12:24 pm

Reuploaded on Google Docs!
(This time it's the all version; I don't know if the individual versions are better)
I'll upload a mirror in a bit.

Guess who totally forgot about hotspot until this morning?
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#47 Post by Slenne » Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:09 pm

omg so this is my first time commenting here and i regret nothing
Here I go ~ :)
Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
Honestly,I liked it! It didn't felt like it was a lot of info to me,so in my opinion it's completely fine the way it is. c:
Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
Her angst was believable for me at some parts,I tried to put myself in her shoes and stuff and yeah,it just was I think. (?
Any suggestions for the full VN?
Not really,I know it's going to be awesome -and i don't have creativity anyways so i can't help ;a; - ..so I don't have any suggestion at the moment~
What are your thoughts on the demo?
You guys are doing such a good job,and I just can't wait play the full game with the routes and just asfsdfds ;a; . Leaving alone my fangirling(? .
I really enjoyed it.The art,The CGs BG i meant to say the Backgrounds omg sorry about that,The story..etc,I find it all adorable,
well done really!-don't even know if I'm helping with this smh -
Anything else?
I just..didn't want it to end~ -and it's only the demo,oh man idk what will happen to me with the full version orz .
Thank you for making this game!

I will be stalking this game (?),hope that's ok !:DD
Last edited by Slenne on Wed Jul 17, 2013 6:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#48 Post by Didules » Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:25 pm

This is going to be long I think, but still, since I look forward to this game, I'll try to make it short XD
First let me say that I really like your ideas and your writing :)
I may sound too critical in this, but I really loved this demo! The story reminds of Hakuouki (my first otome-game) so I was interested in this, but I'm really demanding sometimes (well, it reminds me of Hakuouki, the best Otome-game on Earth XD), so please don't mind it and take what is useful for you :)

/!\ May contains spoilers!
✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
It wasn't too much, but since it was short I didn't have the time to really be in this world, I mean, each time the King talked about Regis I had to try and remember who it was. A bit longer would have been great, but since there aren't too many things happening, it's not possible, is it?
To me, the only thing that was really too fast was about Minho's condition. It's happening way too fast, maybe him being discovered only when talking to the king would have been better, so we would have had the time to learn a bit more about him and his personnality or something... And since at the beginning I thought that Jay and him were arguing because Minho let Lisette go alone in the tunnel, it could still work. (BTW I really wondered, why didn't she go with someone? Her pride prevented her from asking someone (She couldn't ask Minho since he told her not to go, right?) Sorry, that's not the point here =.=")
✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
Are you talking about her angst when she's in the tunnel? Like when she losts her self-confidence and so on, ...? I think it's quite believable but it's a bit too fast, after all, she's just thinking that she can't attack recklessly and a second later she thiks that she's going to die, moreover, she should not have lost her self-confidence, since she's still a good slayer, but shouldn't she curse it, since it leads her to this situation? I mean, she shouldn't be like "I'm going to die here I'm scared", but more "I'm going to die here, I'm angry at myself". Otherwise, I really like it when she doesn't want to admit that she became a soul eater :) she was so funny ^^ and her personnality is great, she so obsessed by her pride XD
✖ Any suggestions for the full VN?
Change the music at the king's announcement? I don't know why but I really want to laugh when I hear this music XD
Seriously? I don't know since the demo is quite short ^^"
I thought that the text box didn't fit the story, I mean it looks like a medieval-fantasy-game, but the text box was really modern and simple... But that's not really important I guess ^^"
✖ What are your thoughts on the demo?
Short O.O Way too short!! (since I'm the type of player who'd want a complete game as demo, don't mind this XD)
Oh, when Minho takes off his contacts, it's said that Lisette closes her eyes, but we still see everything, that was strange (and not important at all, sorry ^^")
I really loved the beginning, in the darkness, it was scary (currently playing at night in a dark bedroom XD), and I love Lisette! It's nice to see a MC who has a real personnality, she was often very funny! The "Sunny Bunny part" was excellent X) I also like the darker part of the story, when talking about slaughters in Canaris :D I mean, the atmospheres in this game are really varied, and that's nice! It's not too gloomy and not too funny, it's simply perfect ^o^
✖ Anything else?
This may be only for me, but when the soul eater is attacking Lisette, it's a shame that it's not frightening at all ^^" I mean, a louder noise or some blood splatters (with a low opacity so we would still see the darkness) would have been nice to set a dramatic atmosphere :) Since I loved this part, I wanted to say it, but again, don't take it to heart ^^"
Apart from that, everything is fine perfect. You're doing a great job :)

Okay this is way too long, I'm really sorry ^^" Did I even put that I look forward to the full VN? Or that I'll definitely play to it? Or that I'm stalking this thread? :)

Good luck!! I'm counting on you for the full VN ;)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#49 Post by lemonscent » Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:58 pm

@Slenne: Thank you for the comment! Haha, stalking is totally a-ok! There weren't any CGs though...

@Didules: Oh my goodness, no don't worry about it! Your comment was totally what I was looking for! I'd actually like to improve this VN, so your criticisms are really helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to post something long! It's funny how you mentioned Hakuoki. I was playing it yesterday while fuming over the broken internet. It's definitely one of my favorites; I really like how there's a balance between plot and romance, so that's actually what I'm going for in SR. I don't actually see the plot resemblance to Hakuoki though;;

And yeah, it was her pride that made her enter the tunnel alone. She thought she'd be able to slay the soul eaters in there easily since she's so gosh-darn amazing (my words are dripping with sarcasm), even if she was alone. I'll add that to the prologue. And blood splatters? That's a great idea (✌゚∀゚)☞ And yes, I'm planning on switching the textbox once I find someone to help with GUI lol. I tried making a few textboxes myself, but they ended up all gross.

It's kind of bad if you can't remember Regis, since religion plays a role in one of the routes Q___Q;; I'll try to make him more... memorable.

As for the music, yeah, I'm probably going to change a lot of the bgms. The problem is that I have over 300 CC tracks in my music folder (all hail the magical Jamendo... OTL. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm only going to need like 20, tops), and I'm working on sorting them by mood before I focus on the actual in-VN soundtrack. It's gonna take a while. Also, I don't think I'm going to keep Minho's condition hidden, because... a lot of the already-written script has to do with his condition, and I really don't want to rewrite 10k words.

Again, thank you so much for your suggestions!
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#50 Post by khfan12 » Wed Jul 17, 2013 1:24 am

✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
I honestly think that it was a good amount of info. Just right, especially for a demo. :)

✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
I think it could be; I mean, one moment you're killing what you thought were monsters, the next you are one, and then you learn that the monsters can't help that they're the way that they are.

✖ Any suggestions for the full VN?
I can't think of any at the moment, sorry. If I think of any here pretty soon, I'll let you know.

✖ What are your thoughts on the demo?
I really liked it; I thought it was interesting and I'm eager for the full VN c:
It was shorrrrrttttt D:
(Then again, like I said before, it's like a tease for the real thing)
I also got a kick out of the "Sunny Bunny" thing xD that made me LOL :P

✖ Anything else?
I can't wait for the full thing! This got me more excited about the full VN :)

Sorry that it's short; It's all that I can think of at the moment.
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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#51 Post by lemonscent » Wed Jul 17, 2013 11:24 am

@khfan: Thank you:)
I mean, one moment you're killing what you thought were monsters, the next you are one, and then you learn that the monsters can't help that they're the way that they are.
Was that a little too rushed?
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#52 Post by Anne » Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:31 am

✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
No (though the place for the history lesson does seem a bit off), I actually second that we don't get enough info. What it was that Regis did (magic?) that they never killed another man (no rogues or drunk fights?) but the moment the law is gone the streets are filled with dead bodies (especially after they let Minho go so easily though he obviously wasn't a prisoner)?
The second thing I'd like to know is what actually happens with the souls eaten compared to the normal flow of things (I wonder why the MC never bothers to know) because by default I'd think that feeding on dying people is safe and easy (thus cowardly) but totally not okay.
I'd also add more on how she ended in these tunnels - because now it seems that her only problem is darkness but she's supposed to be experienced "exterminator" surely she'd take a flashlight (or whatever they have in that world) and have a map (or somehow memorize the way out) so something should have happened for her to lose her spirit like that.

✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
Maybe if she's not so bright (says that she's in control when she's obviously not) and totally uncaring - doesn't feel guilty for hurting Jay or eating the soul Minho gives her - actually that can be alright but she (as well as the player) doesn't know it, gives away Sunny without a second thought like what reasons he has for hiding etc.
And how does the fact that soul eaters have to eat souls to live make them less evil? It's not like she could be thinking that they are doing it for fun.

I like Sunny (have no idea why he's even speaking with the MC though) and the title screen :)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#53 Post by lemonscent » Thu Jul 18, 2013 11:51 am

@Anne - Thanks for the crits! :] I'll be editing the demo accordingly~ But there were a few things I was confused about:
the souls eaten compared to the normal flow of things
Umm.. you mean, like, where the souls go when people die? I don't think that'll ever be covered since lol different religion and all.
feeding on dying people is safe and easy (thus cowardly) but totally not okay.
And killing people for their souls is? The thing is, if there's a lot of food lying around and you don't have to kill people, would you willingly continue killing just for the heck of it? And they're not dying; they're already dead lol.
What it was that Regis did (magic?) that they never killed another man
Nobody knows lol (like I mentioned iirc). And that's the point. It's revealed in one of the routes T.,T;; I promise it'll make sense. Eventually. /shot

Again, thanks for playing & for the crits!
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#54 Post by Anne » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:22 pm

I mean the usual idea is that after a person dies his / her soul heads into afterlife. But when eaten the soul is either destroyed or contained somewhere within the eater (for example, increasing his powers, sometimes involves pain for the soul) - and can be freed by some sort of ritual or just by killing the eater (doesn't seem to be the case here). So basically eating a soul is a worse thing comparing to killing (as the latter can be considered "temporary") - and it doesn't really matter if people are already dead. Otherwise (if there's no afterlife) what is the soul in your story and why is it there?

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#55 Post by lemonscent » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:25 pm

Oh, I see. That makes sense. But still:
eating a soul is a worse thing comparing to killing
Uhmmm... Lisette eats the souls whether she kills the person or not. So instead of comparing eating a soul with killing, you'd have to compare eating a soul with killing and eating a soul.
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#56 Post by Anne » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:27 pm

Right, but why does she think that only eating a soul is okay? And she does that from the start when Minho feeds her - so maybe it is okay because of some beliefs they have but the player doesn't know about?
Last edited by Anne on Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#57 Post by lemonscent » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:28 pm

She doesn't think it's okay, she just thinks it's a better alternative.
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#58 Post by Anne » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:31 pm

Then I think she should suffer a bit more :)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#59 Post by lemonscent » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:34 pm

LOL okay. Sorry about the random lack of angst;;
When I was younger (like 5th grade-7th grade), I used to make the wangstiest characters ever, and people would always complain about that. So since then, I've always been trying to make my characters as happy as the energizer bunny x_e. I'm always paranoid about angst, so I guess nowaydays I've been incorporating too little angst...
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#60 Post by Anne » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:45 pm

That'd be cool, make her a happy bunny :lol:

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