★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ] - QP5

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lemonscent
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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#61 Post by lemonscent » Thu Jul 18, 2013 12:46 pm

Lol omg that picture scares me.
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#62 Post by Kokoro Hane » Thu Jul 18, 2013 2:33 pm

✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
I actually thought the prologue was well-written. There was a certain elegance to it. Though admittedly, I find it odd to literally start at her possible "death" from the beginning. But you pulled it off pretty well.
Especially when, later found out to be Minho, freaks out when he realized it was Lisette he was about to eat....that was really emotional! I liked it!
✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
Yes. I mean, she was a hunter for those things, and she was turned to the very thing she kills.

✖ Any suggestions for the full VN?
Even if not added to the prologue, I would LOVE to see flashbacks of Lisette in her hunting soul eater days. She was said to be the best, and I'd love to see her in action. Especially co-opping with Minho~

✖ What are your thoughts on the demo?
It was fun! I really LOVED your choice in music; the soundtrack is a big thing for me in games, and you chose well. Especially the last piano song...oh! So gorgeous <3 You did a good job at making one feel sorry for soul eaters. Yes, they are monsters, it is disgusting to have to eat SOULS, but they have no choice...it's an instinct they can't fight off and their vision blurred because of it. So in a sense, they are nothing more than cursed people. It's sad, really. This is set to be a pretty intense game!

✖ Anything else?
KING LEMMA RENPY!!! I just...yes, yes!
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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#63 Post by lemonscent » Fri Jul 19, 2013 12:58 am

@kokoro - Thank you! And lol the king's name was a total brainfart on my part.

@everyone else: I've been changing the script a lot. xD I've added a few hundred words to the beginning of scene 4 (red castle), tweaked the dialogue at scene 3 (hunger pains && the scene with the king), and added a few lines to the prologue (death).

I'm waiting for more crits & for the artist to finish the sprites, but the finalized demo [this one isn't finalized ehehe] with original sprites should be up in either August or September... possibly later, depending on [1] how many crits I get (the more the earlier lol) and [2] when the art is finished. The finalized demo won't have any glaring plot holes, it'll have near-finalized GUI, and it *cough cough* will have a *cough cough* preview of the actual routes. :]

It might seem a bit redundant, but I recommend you play the finalized demo once it's out! And I definitely want more critiques, so don't worry about insulting me (I'll admit it; I wrote most of the current demo in a hurry so that it'd be finished sooner) and crit away ;o
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#64 Post by try10 » Fri Jul 19, 2013 8:44 am

Another otome game! XD

I'm downloading the demo and I'll post my thoughts after I finish playing. :D

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#65 Post by lemonscent » Sat Jul 20, 2013 12:51 am

Mkay, thanks! :)
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL FIXE

#66 Post by khfan12 » Sat Jul 20, 2013 5:12 pm

lemonscent wrote:Was that a little too rushed?
No it wasn't! I meant to say that I understood her angst.
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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#67 Post by Sugarou » Sun Jul 21, 2013 2:44 am

Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
I personally thought the beginning was a bit slow. but that might be entirely because this was a demo and not the actual game. uvu
Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
Lisette's angst was believable. It's like if you just found out someone close to you just passed away and you're in denial about it. haha, I would have been just like Lisette if I was in her position.
Any suggestions for the full VN?
When Lisette was in the tunnel, I would have liked eerier music. I just didn't feel as scared a Lisette was, and I would have liked to.
I also agree with Didules about the blood splatters! They would be an amazing thing to have.

What are your thoughts on the demo?
I thought the demo was just lovely! When I first saw Minho I thought he looked like Nemo, the fish, so I cracked up when Sunny called him a Goldfish. haha. ;;
I found the plot was very interesting and once I started playing I couldn't stop -- and when the demo was over I was left wanting more. ./sob
i also loved the part when Jay asks Sunny if he was dating Minho. asdfghjkl; you should totally make a ending where they end up together. haha, me and my yaoi-fangirling

Anything else?
It's nothing too important, but during the kings speech, there's a small typo.
He says "and I only need on more thing" when it should have been "one more thing"

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#68 Post by Maltagliati » Sun Jul 21, 2013 5:47 pm

✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
I think it was good! It was easy to absorb everything and it didn't feel like an info-dump.
✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
Not...really. xD I mean, I acknowledge how she feels and how it must have been a giant impact on her, but at the same time I find the whole transformation process - from absolute hatred to partial acceptance (maybe questioning?) - a bit rushed. As a result it was difficult to sympathize with her, at least for me.
✖ Any suggestions for the full VN?
I agree with Sugarou with the fact that the choice of music for the first scene, when Lisette wanders into the tunnels, didn't really channel "scary". It sounded more like sad music, so it was harder to put myself into Lisette's shoes when she felt really fearful, especially when she started hearing footsteps.
I also felt that the textbox was a bit too stretched out. It was kind of hard to keep track of the expression changes and the new words on the screen at the same time. Perhaps it's just a personal preference, but imo it was slightly distracting.
✖ What are your thoughts on the demo?
I think it was really nice! I love Sunny's nickname (it made me snort, I won't lie) and the tribute to Lemma and Renpy. xD I like all of the obtainables so far, and I can't wait for the finalized demo.
✖ Anything else?
I understand what you mean about having a good balance of angst. When I was in middle school, I used to make characters on the level of Sasuke angst and now when I look back on it, I just cringe every time (and the sad part is that no one ever told me that they were so angsty, so I just kept writing... /headdesk/). And I really want to draw fanart for this game now. LOL

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#69 Post by Suwamoto » Sun Jul 21, 2013 7:39 pm

✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
Nope ovo It was right for me. Not too long, not too short.
✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
I think it was.
Though maybe she turned the switch from hate to understanding a bit too fast x.x Or too sudden.
✖ Any suggestions for the full VN?
Uhm for the scene where King RenPy holds his speech, I think a more angsty BGM would be better >w<" The one I had there was like....all happy, lucky, sunshine x.x So I couldn't rly take the situation serious...
✖ Anything else?
Looking forward to see more >w<

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#70 Post by lemonscent » Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:34 pm

Haha, a lot of the people are talking about the sudden shift in Lisette's opinion. I'm almost done fixing that scene! Kind of. I'm trying. Anyway, thanks so much to everyone who's commented so far:)

@Sugarou-- Haha, yeah. Given that I'm in HS and all, I read a lot of classics (Faust, Metamorphosis, etc), and if we know anything about classics, it's that they start out super slow before actually getting to the plot. I think I picked up that [horrible] habit because of the sheer number of books I've been reading Q___Q;; Actually Jay's Route is going to be slow for the whole route. It's mainly just going to be about Lisette wangsting about life... lolidk. But the other routes (especially Minho's) will be fairly quick-paced once they pick up.

@maltagliati -- LOL. Trust me, my characters used to angst way more than Sasuke back when I was younger xD And omg. I need want need that fanart nao xD And oh did you draw your avatar? It's super pretty! As for the textbox, I'm looking for a new one on LSF, but I can't seem to find one that actually fits the general mood of the story. But once I find/make a good one, I'll make sure it's a bit narrower!

@suwamoto -- I precisely picked that BGM because it sounded happy-go-lucky, since the king was supposed to be a hopeless lunatic/fool at first. Except the plot kind of switched a little, and it totally didn't occur to me to change the BGM!;; I've changed it to something a little more fitting~
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#71 Post by try10 » Mon Jul 22, 2013 7:51 am

Finally I played the demo.

Here are my answers to your questions:

✖ Was the info-dump too much, esp. at the prologue?
Not at all. I think it was very good. I just dislike games that start with some kind of conversation where I don't understand anything.

✖ Was Lisette's angst believable? I've heard multiple opinions on this.
No. Please do something about it. I don't know why, but it all seemed fake ( like a bad comedy). I couldn't even feel sorry for her. A girl that is one the best soul hunters and from a prestigious family beeing transformed into the thing she hates the most. I NEED TO FEEL SORRY FOR HER, but I can't. Maybe the dialogue is just bad ( some sad music could help).

✖ Any suggestions for the full VN?

Lots of romance. I want more love interests or at lest a secret character or something. It would also be nice if based on the choices you make Lisette's personality could change. Please, make some bad and dark endings too.

✖What are your thoughts on the demo?
In the first scene the footsteps sound, please change it. ( find something new cause the one you used in the demo sounds like something else). Also, if you could put some suspense music and some slashes and blood being splattered on the screen it could be epic.
Umm...the dialogue just seems bad for some reason. I mean people were killed on the streets after the King gave that law and everything seemed normal... I know that Lisette is a soul hunter, but still she should be more affected by this. Maybe you should get someone to help you with the dialogue and with some ideas to make the game more believable.

✖ Anything else?
Not really. I think I said too much. :oops:

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#72 Post by lemonscent » Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:37 pm

There will be several bad/dark endings:) At least, I'm planning a few. I'm not sure if I'll still like them when I get to writing them, but still lol.

/cough cough/ There won't be any more love interests. See, there are certain things I want to cover, and I've already made sure where & how I'll cover each aspect. I'm pretty much done planning the story at this point;; And besides, the artist who's helping me is drawing for free and I don't want to give him a million CGs to draw.

I think I already said that Lisette was character-based QnQ;; Although her personality will change slightly based on your choices, your choices won't have too much of an impact. I can try to make her personality change in Jay's route, though, since his route doesn't have the most elaborate plot.

In any case, thanks a lot for the crit! :)
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#73 Post by lemonscent » Wed Jul 24, 2013 10:37 am

Unnecessary Update [U²!] Number Four!

♥ I overdid the blood splatters, didn't I?
❥❥ I totally over did the blood splatters. Yes I did.
❥❥ I assure you I'm making a new (shorter, much less messy) animation thingie.
❥❥ Yup. Blood. Overdone. Si si.
❥❥ Welp I just wanted to say I'm working on the blood. And failing
♥ Here have some SNSD goodness to calm you down:


Image
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#74 Post by lemonscent » Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:24 pm

Unnecessary Update [U²!] Number Five!

♥ Oh god
❥❥ I'm triple posting
❥❥ Somebody save me

♥ Here's a poll. Kind of. Because I need to ask this question really bad.
❥❥ Answer the question on this thread. Or you can PM me, but I don't really see the point of that.

If a love interest dies, do you want the option to continue with the story? Or do you just want a game over?
❥❥ Because I think it would be kind of lame if the story ended just because your love interest died.
❥❥ But even if this VN is plot-based it's still an otome and the whole point is flirting with your 2D guy (while beating stuff up along the way) so idk
❥❥ Maybe I should move this to the first post so that people can actually see it...
Last edited by lemonscent on Sun Aug 04, 2013 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
★Remembrance - a WIP
소중했던 내 사람아 이젠 안녕❣ (안녕 안녕 이젠 안녕)

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Re: ★Remembrance [Fantasy|Adventure?|Otome] - [ DEMO DL ]

#75 Post by khfan12 » Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:05 pm

lemonscent wrote:♥ If a love interest dies, do you want the option to continue with the story? Or do you just want a game over?
❥❥ Because I think it would be kind of lame if the story ended just because your love interest died.
❥❥ But even if this VN is plot-based it's still an otome and the whole point is flirting with your 2D guy (while beating stuff up along the way) so idk
❥❥ Maybe I should move this to the first post so that people can actually see it...
I think that it maybe should...? But there could always be an option to avenge the Love Interests' death;
and the MC could possibly go mad with rage or possibly insane...
I dunno, just an idea.
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