Sharane wrote:This seems to be a very interesting game, but you should revise your post. I understand that English isn't your first language.
The tenses are mixed up, and also a few awkward sentences. At one time, you used, "women" which I assumed was supposed to be woman. Other than that, I'm interested; don't worry, you can always ask for a proofreader. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh.
Thank you for your opinion:) I corrected "women/woman" and I´ll take a look at my previous post and try to change it but it´s difficult to see my own mistakes. Concerning the tenses... I have a problems with this, I know.
The proofreader - is it possible to find someone here at this forum? Or to find someone for free (I mean just for credit)? I have no-one who could read it and point out the mistakes because my friends are not strong in english...
No problem.
There are proofreaders on this site, and yes, you can credit them.
Here's the correction in the past tense:
"Heroine of the story, niece of King Mayria, has just celebrated her 18th birthday." (I think the phrasing is awkward).
The heroine of the story, who was the niece of King Mayria, had just celebrated her eighteenth birthday.
"But except for the celebration, there is also one thing that happened that day." (This is kind of awkward).
In prior to the celebration, there was also one thing that happened that day.
"She is kidnapped by a mysterious man who doesn't even know why he was hired to get her to Syonim." (This is an awkward sentence and the tenses are off).
She was kidnapped by a mysterious man, who didn't even know why he was hired, to take her to Syonim. (The comma between man and who can be omit).
"It's just business, he says, so he doesn't care for reasons." (Not sure if this was a dialogue or not).
It was just business, he said, so he didn't care for reasons.
"In Syonim, she found out it was a woman who claims to be her real mother who planned her kidnap."
In Syonim, she found out it was a woman, who claimed to be her real mother, and planned her kidnapping.
"But her parents are both supposed to be death from her childhood."
But her parents were both dead.
"Where is the truth?"
Where was the truth?
"And why would the strange woman told her to be her mother?"
And why would the strange woman said that she was her mother?
"Is there something she should know?"
Was there something she should have known?
My editing might be wrong. I'll check it back. Also, it could be change back to present tense.
"You can fix anything but a blank page." -- Nora Roberts.
"An intelligent person can rationalize anything, a wise person doesn't try." -- Jen Knox.
"Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition." -- Abraham Lincoln.
It doesn´t work anymore... 
Thanks.
I'll be watching this! 
As for the story itself, I guess 3/4 are done so I just need to write the endings and finished a few other things.
