I downloaded and played it up to the scene
Where the ygirl is talking with the doctor immediately after he tells her that her friend died
. At that point the game stopped. I'm not sure if that was your intention for the demo version, or if there is more and the game has a bug.
The character art and backgrounds were okay. I had difficulty with some of the dialog and the text box not fitting onto my monitor. I tried several of the screen resolutions and consistently had that problem (right had side of the text box and some dialog not appearing).
Plot holes: What is the relationship between the main character and the girl (why is she in his home waking him for school)? Your post said she was his childhood friend, but that is not explained in the VN.
Near the beginning after the girl awakens the main character there is some sort of encounter and she calls him a pervert. It is unclear to me why she would do that.
When they are at school she is on the roof preparing to jump off. Why is she going to jump?
The presence of the 'soldier' is not explained. He said is not a real soldier, and that he came from a costume party, but he has a real gun.
There are numerous capitalization and punctuation errors, as well as a few misspelled words.
For example, the personal pronoun "I" is always capitalized, and the contraction "I'm" should have an apostrophe. I suggest you have a friend who is good at spelling, capitalization, and punctuation sit down next to you at the computer and thoroughly proofread your work.
It also helps if you write dialog using a word processor program that has a built in spelling and punctuation checker.
I was very hesitant to download your VN because your introductory post appeared to have been hurriedly written (punctuation and capitalization errors are a huge turn off to me).
Don't get discouraged and don't give up. Your writing will get better.
.
here's the online version