Guardian Enmity (Light Sci-Fi/Drama/Action) +(Romance)*

[ProsperousInterlude]

Hi everyone!

My name is Eddie Guzman. I'm founder and Creative Director of Prosperous Interlude. I'm currently working on a visual novel called 'Guardian Enmity.'


Story:

Guardian Enmity is a "light" sci-fi, drama, and action story about a group of people trying to stop hackers from releasing a malicious software into a worldwide popular game. This malicious software is capable of stealing private data from various people and organizations, and has the possibility of completely corrupting the whole network. Of course, things aren't always as black and white as they seem, as the protagonist learn there's more to the situation than they are led to believe.

Here you can check out a sneak preview of the visual novel, as well as some tidbits on the game the characters play within the story:



Characters:


Ashley Guzman - Signature Style: Dark Mage

Character info to be updated on March 12, 2015


Nina Parsons - Signature Style: Mech Guard

Character info to be updated on March 12, 2015


Hector Ruiz - Signature Style: Blademaster

Character info to be updated on March 19, 2015


Eddie Guzman - Signature Style: Radiant Knight

Character info to be updated on March 19, 2015


Sydney Walker - Signature Style: Hunter

Character info to be updated on March 26, 2015


Raymond Costa - Signature Style: Arms Wielder

Character info to be updated on March 26, 2015


Chris Lopez - Signature Style: Musician

Character info to be updated on April 2, 2015


Robin Miller - Signature Style: Mariner

Character info to be updated on April 2, 2015


Kelly Hughes - Signature Style: Dragon Tamer

Character info to be updated on April 9, 2015


Mimi Ine - Signature Style: Dusk Knight

Character info to be updated on April 9, 2015


You can check out the names of the main characters and their voice actors in this video:




Gameplay:

People will be able to choose different dialogue and actions that can affect the ending of the game.


Scenes:















Notes:

- Over the next few weeks, character introduction trailers will be released. I'll have them posted here.

- An expandable card game based on the visual novel is currently in the works as well and is planned to be released at the
same time as the visual novel.

- If you're more into the romantic aspects of visual novels, we have a 'surprise' to announce in a couple months or so.

- A Kickstarter page is planned to be put up to help fund the project. It's currently planned to go live in mid-May.

- Although the main characters already have their VAs, there are still other characters to be voiced. More details on this will be announced later.

- More details are planned to be released during Prosperous Interlude's digital presentation planned for late April/early May. This will include an "official' trailer for the project, more story details, Kickstarter plans (like funding goals and pledge rewards), more info on the card game, and more.

- For more artwork, check out http://www.facebook.com/prosperousinterlude

I'd like to hear feedback on what we've shown so far. Don't hesitate to post comments and/or questions. For some questions, I may not be ready to answer, but I'll do my best.

Thanks!

[ProsperousInterlude]

Saving this space for now

[Hazel-Bun]

Looks very clean and cool so far. One critique, you don't have to write *giggle*, especially if that sound is voiced. Good luck!

[ProsperousInterlude]

Ah, okay

Thank you!

[Kikaharu]

wow i looked at it and in one look I was like I don't think I'll play it and usually I don't watch videos that come with it. BUT, this is a major BUT, I decided to watch the video and I will actually follow this game. So hopefully other people will look at the video too. Usually I look at it and look for artwork first. Like it doesn't have to be the best artwork but usually if the artwork gives me a feeling like that's a cool character then I start reading information. But I'm glad I watched the video. It gives you a bit of a feel of the beginning of the game and you get to see some artwork. So it's a pretty nice thing.

[Cith]

It looks REALLY good, but the writing needs a bit of a pass-over:

1st line - I checked the front desk, but was told no one came in.

But is a contradictory statement, used to introduce a phrase which contradicts the previous. So maybe “but” isn’t really suited here. I can't tell, context is needed but the next line implies the "nobody coming in" is in line with expectations...

Also, checking the front desk implies checking the front desk – as in the object. Maybe you left your watch there, or something a little more incriminating. If you mean you talked with the person manning the front desk, then a “with” is required. I checked “with” the front desk.

I checked with the front desk and was told no one came in.

If you have “with”, the “told” is probably implied.

I checked with the front desk and no one came in

Now you can fiddle with the tone here. For example, at the moment the piece of information “no one came in” is kinda non-chalantly put. It’s not important at the moment. If you wish to up the importance of the second piece of information, add a semi-colon:

I checked with the front desk; no one came in.

Lastly, “no one came in” is weak language use. It’s weak because it doesn’t have much information. Come in where? Come into the building, or only a part of it? Maybe you just want to know if they passed the reception desk. Did you want to know if random people went pass the reception, or just a specific person? Maybe you wanted to know if the guy manning the front desk saw a specific person, or did they need to physically enter?

3rd line - Oh my apologies! *Clears throat* Hello and welcome!

Replace *clears throat* with a bit of prose describing her clearing her throat.

Regarding exclamation marks and short sentences, maybe consider emphasising just a word instead of the whole sentence. The rule of thumb regarding exclamation marks is to not over-use them.

"Hello and welcome."

4th line - My name is Nina Parsons. I am CTO of PI and one of the founders of Halcyon.

I’d recommend replacing the period with a comma, mainly because you’re overusing short sentences and it’s not like any of the information above needs to be emphasised.

5th line - You must be the ones thinking of moving into the city.

Very awkwardly phrased. I’d replace “thinking of” with “thinking about” and “moving into” with “moving to.” You move to New York, you don’t move into New York. Maybe just a simple:

“So, you’re considering moving to the city?”

That being said, I'll definitely be reading this when it's released

[ProsperousInterlude]

Thanks for the reply and insight.

No worries, we'll have an editor go over the demo and full game scripts to ensure quality in the writing