No Longer Relevant

[Writer16]

Discontinued.

[Writer16]

Decided to do a little demo. I don't know if I want to post this in Demo and Beta's Testing since this is short, as it is going to be a short game.

Try it here:
http://cloudnovel.net/play?n=ca37fff8849

I'll program Land of Mist in Ren'py.

Thoughts?

Music choices okay?

Backgrounds good?

Writing okay?

How's the characters?

[Celestial_Toast]

Hey there. So, I just looked at the demo, and here's what I thought.
1. The story seems interesting and Gemma seems like an interesting character.
2. The textbox you've chosen makes the text hard and a bit painful to read, at least for me. Too many colors. Also, consider making the font a bit bigger.
3. Nice backgrounds. I approve.
4. Interesting music choice. The first one seemed a little out of place with the mood you seemed to be trying to set, but the second one fit right in place.
5. This might be just me, but it might be nicer to have both characters on screen when they're in a conversation, so it looks like they're talking to each other and not the air.
6. Just wondering, since your post says almost done: do the sprites have more than one expressions?
7. Lastly, and this is probably just because it's a demo, but when I chose the option to "go check out the vampire voices" the last line kept repeating over and over.

Good luck!

[Writer16]

Hey there. So, I just looked at the demo, and here's what I thought.
1. The story seems interesting and Gemma seems like an interesting character.
2. The textbox you've chosen makes the text hard and a bit painful to read, at least for me. Too many colors. Also, consider making the font a bit bigger.
3. Nice backgrounds. I approve.
4. Interesting music choice. The first one seemed a little out of place with the mood you seemed to be trying to set, but the second one fit right in place.
5. This might be just me, but it might be nicer to have both characters on screen when they're in a conversation, so it looks like they're talking to each other and not the air.
6. Just wondering, since your post says almost done: do the sprites have more than one expressions?
7. Lastly, and this is probably just because it's a demo, but when I chose the option to "go check out the vampire voices" the last line kept repeating over and over.

Good luck!

Thank you for your reply.

1. Glad you liked the story and Gemma.

2. Okay, I'll see what I can do with the text box and make the font bigger and easier to read.

3. Thanks. I'm glad you liked them. I thought they were a bit odd.

4. I'll find a suitable music for the first choice. I really don't know how to choose music. Thanks.

5. I'll do that. It hasn't crossed my mind. Thanks for telling me.

6. Gemma does. Zylinder gave her several expressions, but at times, they can seem like the same expression. Skylar doesn't. The evil witch does.

7. I'll fix that. Thanks for catching that mistake.

[Celestial_Toast]

2. Okay, I'll see what I can do with the text box. Actually, with the aligning, it cuts off stuffs if I make the font bigger. Cloudnovel's alignment works that way, I guess.

Maybe consider splitting your paragraphs into smaller pieces? That might make it easier to read as well, if we aren't trying to digest large paragraphs at once.

Also, I forgot to mention there are a few grammatical errors and such, but I'm assuming you're going to be proofreading after you're finished?

Oh, and one question I had with the story: is it explained why vampires are chasing her? If she's a vampire hunter, I'd assume they'd want to steer clear of her, especially if she's as good at her job as she seems to be. They'd need a pretty solid plan if they're trying to eliminate her, but then again she isn't probably the only one in her profession... so overall the best strategy for vampires to live seems to be to stay away from hunters...?

Also (sorry I talk a lot) but while I liked the background in the demo, are you also using the background in the screenshots? That one seems a bit confusing and kind of distracting.

[Writer16]

Celestial_Toast

Maybe consider splitting your paragraphs into smaller pieces? That might make it easier to read as well, if we aren't trying to digest large paragraphs at once.

Also, I forgot to mention there are a few grammatical errors and such, but I'm assuming you're going to be proofreading after you're finished?

Oh, and one question I had with the story: is it explained why vampires are chasing her? If she's a vampire hunter, I'd assume they'd want to steer clear of her, especially if she's as good at her job as she seems to be. They'd need a pretty solid plan if they're trying to eliminate her, but then again she isn't probably the only one in her profession... so overall the best strategy for vampires to live seems to be to stay away from hunters...?

Also (sorry I talk a lot) but while I liked the background in the demo, are you also using the background in the screenshots? That one seems a bit confusing and kind of distracting.

I changed the screen size and font size. I also changed the text box. And, I've to take down the screenshots. Thanks, I will correct those errors.

Gemma's a vampire hunter, and she's known to the vampires. Also, one thing to take, is that this is from her point of view, which means you can't always trust how 'easy' or how 'good' she claims she is at hunting vampires. She's still not ready to take down a bunch of well-trained vampires. So, all in one, vampires are much stronger and it isn't that hard for them to escape from hunters. Gemma is, at times, an unreliable narrator. Yes, there will be vamps but you won't see them. There are basically two routes; one where Gemma and Skylar confront the witch (this deals with the 'witches' part); and the other route is where Gemma and Skylar decide to flee (this is the 'bloody roses' and Gemma will finally grow up, and understand the gravity of her job as a hunter).

[Celestial_Toast]

Sounds good. Also, will we have to know anything about Land of Mist for this?

[Writer16]

No. This is just my choice of playing around with Gemma and her relationship with Skylar. Also, trying to use a blend of horror with a good dose of humor.