Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

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Onyona
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Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#1 Post by Onyona »

I've always been very interested in making a visual novel, so when I heard of the Yuri jam which not only is all about girls (<3!) but also two months long instead of one, I thought it'd be a good opportunity to make that leap. So this probably wont be the most well put together thread since I'm kind of figuring things out as I go along (only found out about the jam on sept 1 and had no prior plot or planning), but I'm sure it'll be a learning experience! Title is definitely temporary, everything is pretty rough at the moment. Sorry for the big attachment blocks, haven't figured out how to otherwise imbed an image without uploading it somewhere else. I hope this is in the right place, I know theres a subforum for shorter games but all the other Yuri jam games seem to be in this one.

STORY

Moonlight is a short and sweet love story between a young witch and a vampire. Sarah is a witch in training, what she lacks in spellcasting skill she makes up for with her potion brewing, something her fellow villagers have often found need for. One night she ventures into the forest, looking for a special herb that only blooms in the light of the moon. When she's attacked by a wolf she fears she might be done for, but is saved by a mysterious girl, Rebecca who lives in the forest! Wanting to know more about her savior, she ends up finding excuse after excuse to return to the forest again to meet with her. There is currently only 1 choice planned with two endings, but they're not a pair of good/bad ends, just different series of events.

CHARACTERS
Witch sprite Finished.png
Sarah is the player character! The only magically gifted person in her village. Studying magic from dusty tomes is hard, but following potion recipes comes much more naturally to her. Shes a cheerful girl, always willing to lend a helping hand and always looking to make a friend. Her 'familiar' is a small brown lap dog, Biscuit. Has extensive knowledge of the local herbs and their uses. As well as potions she also brews a mean soup!
Rebecca neutral3.png
(image is a little fuzzy?? guess i made the image too big for the forum oops. but click if you want a better look : )

Rebecca is a vampire! Once a resident of a nearby village, she was attacked and bitten while traveling through the forest. Unable to bring herself to return home like this, she has been living in the forest. Reserved and soft-hearted, she is ashamed of her vampiric state and doesn't want Sarah to find out. Covers her mouth when she speaks to avoid showing her teeth. Rescued Sarah on an impulse, not wanting another girl to lose her life in the forest, but despite herself grows to enjoy her company.
Ellie sprite.png
Ellie has been close friends with Sarah since childhood. An upbeat girl who always has time for a chat. Her family runs the village bakery.

PROGRESS
forest bg screenshot.PNG
Made a bg! So heres a little progress screenshot. Still haven't touched the GUI and not 100% sure how big I want the sprites to be, but progress is progress! I've also made a daytime version. Click for full view ; )
Doggy screenshot.PNG
Made a textbox!! It's pretty simple but I like it, and I think another visual reminder of Sarah being a witch is needed (since I dont really want to stick a pointy hat on her). I've also made a lil sprite for Sarahs dog Biscuit but well frankly I'm not very happy with it. But I have very little practice drawing animals and it looks a lot better than the initial sketch so at this point I just want to get it out of the way. Am on a time limit after all! : )


FEEDBACK

Any honest and constructive criticism is very much appreciated! I dont know if I'll have time to tweak everything too much because of the time limit but if nothing else I'll keep it in mind for assets and things that I haven't made yet. This is the first time I've seriously attempted making a vn so most of all I want to learn! : )

1. Would you play this? I know the story is a little vague and cliche but do you think it could work anyway?

2. Do the two sprites I've made so far fit together well enough? Sarahs sprite is supposed to be used next to the text box whereas Rebeccas will be in the middle of the screen, but I'm a little worried that they look a little different style wise.

3. Don't really know what else to ask, but if you have any good resources for making a GUI I'd very much appreciate it!

Thank you for reading!
Last edited by Onyona on Tue Sep 15, 2015 2:46 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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Fox Lee
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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#2 Post by Fox Lee »

Hiya fellow Yurijammer! Heh, it's always tricky when you find out about a jam with no time to plan, but at least this one goes for two months - with a relatively short game,you should have plenty of time to get things finished :) Anyway, I think your game looks hella cute and I would definitely play it (and I know some friends who surely would as well - yuri witches are very big amongst my friends, for some reason :p).

As for the sprites, I do think Rebecca looks a little weird compared to Sarah. Actually, it's more like Rebecca looks a little odd compared to herself, if you follow. Although they probably have similar proportions (if I actually measured), Sarah's sprite ends at her thighs, while we can see all the way down to Rebecca's calves. I think that's why Rebecca's proportions look more exaggerated to me. Especially combined with her babydoll dress, she looks awfully much like she has an essentially child-shaped body, combined with a quite mature face.

I hate saying that! It feels cruel to advocate for a redraw on a sprite that's coloured and everything ^^; But I do think she'd look a lot better if she had EITHER more adult/realistic proportions, or a more childish/cartoony face. (Unless, of course, you're deliberately juxtaposing those things because of the vampire-ness. In that case ignore me! ^^; )

As for a GUI, I recommend you check out the Creative Commons section on the forum! There are some excellent premade GUIs that you can use for free (if you don't want to concentrate on doing one yourself) or tweak for your own purposes, without having to start from scratch.

In any case, good luck with your Yuri Jam! :D
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Onyona
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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#3 Post by Onyona »

Fox Lee wrote:Hiya fellow Yurijammer! Heh, it's always tricky when you find out about a jam with no time to plan, but at least this one goes for two months - with a relatively short game,you should have plenty of time to get things finished :) Anyway, I think your game looks hella cute and I would definitely play it (and I know some friends who surely would as well - yuri witches are very big amongst my friends, for some reason :p).

Hi! I've seen your yuri jam thread too and it looks really cool! I especially like the GUI. Thank you, I'm glad you think it sounds interesting. As for the sprites, Sarahs sprite ending earlier is so that it fits next to the text box (I'll probably end up cropping it to slightly under where the skirt ends when I put it in the game). But as for your comments on her proportions, I'll definitely keep that in mind. I might see if i can just redraw some parts of the sprite to make her fit better. Thanks for your comment!

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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#4 Post by Onyona »

Messed around a little with Rebeccas sprite, mainly the face to try and get her to look a little more like Sarah style-wise (eye highlights and such). Hopefully an improvement!
Rebecca ver2.png

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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#5 Post by Onyona »

Added a lil progress screenshot to the main post with a bg I just finished! Idk how bg artists do it, its so hard!! Good practice though : ) Still not 100% done with the plot outline but close!

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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#6 Post by Onyona »

Added another progress screenshot! Now have a text box and a (kind of awful) dog sprite. I do want to go back to having a seperate window for the character name but haven't really looked up how to do that yet. Currently working on a CG and writing a first draft of the script. Considering tweaking Rebeccas sprite a bit more. Writings hard!! But I do want to get better at it. Last time I wrote something for others to read outside of school was a terrible naruto fanfic when I was twelve so well at least it cant be worse than that ; ) Still need to figure out a proper title though... All I have so far is Moonbite (because its like my wip title plus vampires) but i mean theres not actually any vampire biting going on in the vn..
Currently working on my first vn for the yuri jam!! Check it out here! : )

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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#7 Post by ColaCat »

This is looking really good, I hope you make the deadline! I love the textbox. Simple, yet effective.

As for the name, how about the name of the herb she is trying to get?
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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#8 Post by Onyona »

Updated the main post to add the final sprite, Sarahs friend Ellie! I've also finished the first CG and made a new expression for each of the two main character sprites. Now that most of the basic art is out of the way I want to really start focusing on writing.
ColaCat wrote:This is looking really good, I hope you make the deadline! I love the textbox. Simple, yet effective.

As for the name, how about the name of the herb she is trying to get?
Thank you for your comment! And that's a very good idea actually, just need a cool name for the herb aha. So far in my first draft I've just been calling it Moondrop after a flower in Harvest moon (the word moon seems to be a reoccurring thing here...)
Currently working on my first vn for the yuri jam!! Check it out here! : )

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Re: Moonlight [Yurijam] [Fantasy/Romance]

#9 Post by ColaCat »

I'm loving Ellie's sprite! It's nice to see a diverse cast of characters. Moondrop is a pretty good name! And it sounds kinda witchy...
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