White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo][Kickstarter]

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Pudding321
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White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo][Kickstarter]

#1 Post by Pudding321 » Tue Jun 28, 2016 7:04 am

Image
Story

The white violin. An instrument that hasn't been finished with a soul. A device that only resonates with certain beings.
Join Luna as she finds out the mystery behind the white violin, the people in the castle, and her own self.



Screenshots:
Image

Image

Image
Stats
Finished most of the art
Finished Common Route
Endings completed: 2/10
Routes completed: 0/5
Music: 5+ (royalty free music as placement)
GUI: haven't started
Credits:
Pudding321 - Writing
Time.Of.Rose - Art
Personal Note
Hi everyone, after finishing my last visual novel Vision of Aurora Borealis, I decided to take a different approach to this one. It would be great if you're kind enough :roll: to offer me feedback on the demo. //Some thoughts below//

Narration: Is there too much text? Is it too boring? Is there too much description and too little progress? Is the prose too snobbish or wordy?
Character development: Which character lacked development? Was it the maid? Was it the teacher Lucy? Where do you think their characters could have been developed better?
GUI: Did the text cover the backgrounds or the characters? What font color or color scheme would you prefer?
What is the good, the bad, and of course...the ugly?
Last edited by Pudding321 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 8:52 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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EuphoniousChaos
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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo]

#2 Post by EuphoniousChaos » Tue Jun 28, 2016 7:27 pm

First off, let me just say that the art in this game, especially the sprites, are absolutely gorgeous! I really enjoyed the clothing style as well!

Narration: Is there too much text? Is it too boring? Is there too much description and too little progress? Is the prose too snobbish or wordy?
I don't think there was too much narration at all, in fact, I think if it had less I wouldn't be as invested in the story. There was a few grammar problems here and there, but I could still easily understand and still keep an interest in the story through most of the demo as well, though it might have had a few slower parts here and there.Also, a few of the MC's monologues were a little hard to understand for me at first (the bit with the dimensions was a bit confusing but after reading it a few times I got the gist).

Character development: Which character lacked development? Was it the maid? Was it the teacher Lucy? Where do you think their characters could have been developed better?
I think the character with the least development was probably the maid, just for the fact that she rarely appeared in the demo, and when she did, she didn't have very many lines. Maybe at one point she could have had a more detailed conversation with mc, like just for an example, when the maid brought her her meal and the two were alone together for a little while. That's just a suggestion though!

GUI: Did the text cover the backgrounds or the characters? What font color or color scheme would you prefer?
At a few points, the text did cover a good bit of the background as well as the characters, but the font was light enough that I could still see the majority of the scene, so I'd say it's pretty much fine the way it is.

Extra Comments: All in all, this game was pretty interesting to play!
The bit with the dolls managed to creep me out irl, so good job on that! It was really well written and I was genuinely affected by it lol.
The art style's gorgeous, and the story is intriguing and still very mysterious. Can't wait to see where it goes! Good work!

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Pudding321
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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo]

#3 Post by Pudding321 » Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:20 am

EuphoniousChaos wrote:First off, let me just say that the art in this game, especially the sprites, are absolutely gorgeous! I really enjoyed the clothing style as well!
The artist did a great job indeed. She designed and drew everything in this game.
EuphoniousChaos wrote: Also, a few of the MC's monologues were a little hard to understand for me at first (the bit with the dimensions was a bit confusing but after reading it a few times I got the gist).
It is always good to have someone else point it out. I will definitely look into that.
EuphoniousChaos wrote: I think the character with the least development was probably the maid, just for the fact that she rarely appeared in the demo, and when she did, she didn't have very many lines. Maybe at one point she could have had a more detailed conversation with mc, like just for an example, when the maid brought her her meal and the two were alone together for a little while.
Good suggestion. I was thinking of adding 1-2 scenes with the maid. She should be the most interesting character actually later in the novel.
EuphoniousChaos wrote: The art style's gorgeous, and the story is intriguing and still very mysterious. Can't wait to see where it goes! Good work!
Thanks. I will tell you when we've got it done.

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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo]

#4 Post by Pudding321 » Mon Jul 18, 2016 6:34 am

Finished one bad end.
Plans changed: 5 routes but 10 endings.
Still deciding how much to include in the demo. One route maybe?

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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo]

#5 Post by Pudding321 » Wed Aug 10, 2016 7:40 am

Updated demo. Now with one bad end and new music.

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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo]

#6 Post by GreyWolfXx » Wed Aug 10, 2016 1:10 pm

Narration: Is there too much text? Is it too boring? Is there too much description and too little progress? Is the prose too snobbish or wordy?
No, not at all. The text adds to the character development -- although I haven't finished it -- I feel that the amount of narration is perfect. Although, there are some errors (some in the post pictures too) overall I like the narration style.

GUI: Did the text cover the backgrounds or the characters? What font color or color scheme would you prefer?
The GUI works nicely, and doesn't interfere with any of the scenes I played. I think the game would look much more atmospheric if the main menu gui was changed a bit -- it'd just add to the nice, constant tone of the art that I saw throughout the game.

Overall, when I started playing it I particularly liked the amount of narration and the art style. Immediately, I feel the art is consistent and appealing to look at. I'll finish the game sometime soon because I'm sort of busy, but as for what I saw I enjoyed it. Good luck with the rest of the game!

"We have been to the moon, we have charted the depths of the ocean and the heart of the atom,
but we have a fear of looking inward to ourselves because we sense that is where
all the contradictions flow together." -- Terrence Mckenna

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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo]

#7 Post by Pudding321 » Thu Aug 18, 2016 1:55 am

GreyWolfXx wrote:Narration: Is there too much text? Is it too boring? Is there too much description and too little progress? Is the prose too snobbish or wordy?
No, not at all. The text adds to the character development -- although I haven't finished it -- I feel that the amount of narration is perfect. Although, there are some errors (some in the post pictures too) overall I like the narration style.
That's a relief! Feel free to point out any errors. That will be very helpful!
GreyWolfXx wrote: GUI: Did the text cover the backgrounds or the characters? What font color or color scheme would you prefer?
The GUI works nicely, and doesn't interfere with any of the scenes I played. I think the game would look much more atmospheric if the main menu gui was changed a bit -- it'd just add to the nice, constant tone of the art that I saw throughout the game.
Good point. The main menu is using the default renpy ui, but I will definitely refine it.
GreyWolfXx wrote: Overall, when I started playing it I particularly liked the amount of narration and the art style. Immediately, I feel the art is consistent and appealing to look at. I'll finish the game sometime soon because I'm sort of busy, but as for what I saw I enjoyed it. Good luck with the rest of the game!
Thanks. I don't feel very confident that the story will be appealing to everybody, but I'll do my best!


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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo][Kickstarter]

#9 Post by Shinoki » Wed Aug 31, 2016 3:41 pm

Waaah, it looks really nice. I'm going to wait for the full game before playing it (demos make me want more, and that can be problematic when I have to wait a bit XD)

Anyways, I just wanted to say that... in your screen shots, you use the word 'suicide' as a verb. It would actually be the phrase 'to commit suicide.'

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Re: White Violin [Dark][GxG][Demo][Kickstarter]

#10 Post by Pudding321 » Wed Aug 31, 2016 8:46 pm

Shinoki wrote:Waaah, it looks really nice. I'm going to wait for the full game before playing it (demos make me want more, and that can be problematic when I have to wait a bit XD)

Anyways, I just wanted to say that... in your screen shots, you use the word 'suicide' as a verb. It would actually be the phrase 'to commit suicide.'
Thanks. I see the problem here. Last time I checked suicide was still a verb in the 19th century. I guess commit suicide is the better phrase now.

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