Lemma Soft Forums

Hello!

1. The premise is definitely interesting. It's different from the usual themes I see here, which is usually fantasy, slice of life, romance, fluff... etc. Of course, a lot of new VNs nowadays are starting to take on more serious themes, but I think they're still kinda rare compared to the lighter themed-ones. I personally think it looks promising as an adventure type of story.
2. No, not really? Though the characters themselves seem like tropes to me, that's okay since they don't seem all that flat. I do like categorizing characters in boxes like "tsundere" or "moue" or "*insert here" too, but I also check to see if they have interesting backstories that can explain why they are who they are now. As long as you can back up their characterization with a good, fleshed-out story, I don't think most readers will mind stereotypes.
3. The... summary? Oh, my answer is the same as the first question. =) I think it's interesting, haha.

That said... um, (and I do hope you won't take offense at this) maybe consider re-checking your plot/character outlines? Maybe see if you can maybe tone down the story a bit or lessen the cast or something? I'm completely assuming this based on the number of posts you've made here and the quality of this post itself, but I guess this is your first visual novel? (If not, I'm so sorry, omg!) I mean, maybe it would be nice to finish a small project first before trying your hand at creating a big project such as this one, especially if you're planning to crowdfund it. After all, a lot of things can go wrong in visual novel development, and believe me, there can be a lot more hurdles and obstacles than you can imagine, more especially so if you're gonna take a risk in Kickstarter. (Just yesterday, I was reading about the Yogventures thingy in KS, and maaaan, it was pretty sad.)

Sooooo, I'm not exactly discouraging you, but I do hope that you see the full scope of this project and plan accordingly to minimize the possibility of failure. I do wish you all the best and I hope everything turns out okay!! Hope you find an artist soon too! <3

dfbreezy wrote: do any of the character backgrounds strike you as too generic?

Not every character needs a complex backstory, multiple motivations, and so on. Also, in my opinion, a concept which one person considers rote and overly familiar concept is innovative to a different person. Don't worry too much about the characters. Just ask yourself, "How did these fictional people become who they are?"

Ran08 wrote:Maybe see if you can maybe tone down the story a bit or lessen the cast or something?

I saw the story pitch, and thought that its scope was rather large. It involves multiple nations, several science fiction /fantasy elements, and at least six major characters. I like the ambitions of the project. However, this is a lot for a writer to handle.

Dfbreezy, please state if you have already published a story, video game, or other work of fiction. If you have completed at least one, then you might be ready to create a visual novel with a scope this large.

Ran08 wrote: I mean, maybe it would be nice to finish a small project first before trying your hand at creating a big project such as this one, especially if you're planning to crowdfund it.

I do not intend to discourage you, Dfbreezy. However, if you have not already finished creating a large-scale work of fiction, then be careful. To use a metaphor, I recommend making sure that you can climb a hill before you try to climb a mountain. Consider writing a story which features fewer characters, locations, and elaborate concepts. After you finish it, then you might be better prepared to tackle your dream project.

dfbreezy wrote: ...g-senjou no maou...

That's an interesting reference. I've heard of the story, but I've never given it a chance. Did you find anything exceptional about its art or writing? Do you have favorite stories in other formats, categories, and genres?

you guys have valid points and i agree that it's quite huge a project for a first timer. it will probably be 10-30 hours of gameplay and i've also considered toning it down as far as i can without letting the story itself suffer.
also if you could take a look at some parts of the prologue i've uploaded and tell me how the writing quality is i'd be much obliged.

if ever need voice actors id be down heres my demo reel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgKXPm9NerA&app=desktop

1) how is the quality of the premise? It seems interesting, I do like sci-fi/fantasy so this is right up my alley.
2) do any of the character backgrounds strike you as too generic? I thought that they were all pretty interesting! I'm actually really intrigued with what you did with the concept of a cat girl. Maybe this is just me not reading the right stuff, but whenever I see cat girls they're never really shunned for their feline traits. You've kinda twisted the concept with some different character traits and I really like it. ^_^
3) what was your first thought after reading the summary? 10/10 would read again.
4) How do you feel about detailed battle scenes? This wouldn't be a selling point for me, but I certainly wouldn't mind it. I would advise you to be careful that the writing doesn't get repetitive, though; something that I see a lot with battle scenes is that they can be drawn out, with the same character just continuing to fight the same people in the same way. There are a couple ways that I can think of to avoid dull battle scenes: One, keep introducing new enemies and tactics. As the opponents and their fighting styles change, the protagonist will have to adapt along with them in order to come out on top. Two, include scenes that focus on the strategy rather than the action. This gives an insight into one part of war that takes place off of the battlefield. This could be especially interesting to your story because the protagonist has so few characters on his side; he'll need good strategies if he and his group are going to pull through.

A few other things as well:
First of all, I'd just like to agree with what the people above me are saying - if you've never published anything large-scope before, I would highly encourage you to consider starting with a smaller project. The larger a project, the more likely it is that you're going to run into problems along the way. Give yourself a chance to learn about those problems and how best to solve (as well as not solve) them using a smaller project. We absolutely do not mean this to discourage you - your story has amazing potential, in my opinion - but there are a good deal of projects which have fallen through after people bit off more than they could chew.

Second, a quick recommendation: Get one (or two, or three, or more!) proofreader(s) when the time comes for that. Whether you're an amateur writer or a successfully published author, there are going to be mistakes somewhere and the more pairs of eyes looking for them, the more likely it is they'll be caught.

Lastly, a note about the tags in the title of the post. You've got this listed as [GxB] and [GxG], which made me think when I clicked on it that this was an otome game. Suffice it to say I was a bit confused when I realized that the protagonist of the VN is a guy. cx The four romance tags that you commonly see are these:
BxB (boy pursues boy)
BxG (boy pursues girl)
GxB (girl pursues boy)
GxG (girl pursues girl)
In other words, when it comes to BxG vs. GxB, order does matter! I think the tag that you should use is BxG, so that there are less people who are confused after clicking on the thread.
Also, I'm a little confused about the GxG part. Are these romances between side characters? If so, you may want to consider taking GxG out of the title as well. In the end, of course, it's your thread and you can do whatever you want, but generally those tags are used to denote the main romance only.
In terms of other tags, you might want to put some genre tags in the title (if there's room). Not a must, but it might draw more people to your thread. c:

also VALHALLA YOU ARE SO GOOD AT GUIIIIII

Zelan wrote: How do you feel about detailed battle scenes? This wouldn't be a selling point for me, but I certainly wouldn't mind it. I would advise you to be careful that the writing doesn't get repetitive, though; something that I see a lot with battle scenes is that they can be drawn out, with the same character just continuing to fight the same people in the same way. There are a couple ways that I can think of to avoid dull battle scenes: One, keep introducing new enemies and tactics. As the opponents and their fighting styles change, the protagonist will have to adapt along with them in order to come out on top. Two, include scenes that focus on the strategy rather than the action. This gives an insight into one part of war that takes place off of the battlefield. This could be especially interesting to your story because the protagonist has so few characters on his side; he'll need good strategies if he and his group are going to pull through.

For this i decided to lock away some of his abilities away until later in the story so as to give readers something new in the battles. believe me when i say, i am a fan of acttion based Vns so i've read alot of them. This story contains a lot of fighting but in every fight there's a new enemy with a new skillset and the Protag has to find new avenues to deal with his enemies. For e.g he can control electricity since it's one of his powers but he only uses them to speed himself up initially, in the next battle he applies them to his swords to increase power and in the next he creates an electromagnetic feild to control his swords remotely. sort of how Jedi have that 'lightsaber throw'.

Zelan wrote:Second, a quick recommendation: Get one (or two, or three, or more!) proofreader(s) when the time comes for that. Whether you're an amateur writer or a successfully published author, there are going to be mistakes somewhere and the more pairs of eyes looking for them, the more likely it is they'll be caught.

An excellent suggestion and I've already seen to that. i have now three very skilled and capable assistant writer with two having exemplary editorial skills. the story by the time of release will be devoid of any grammatical or lexical mistakes.

Zelan wrote:Lastly, a note about the tags in the title of the post. You've got this listed as [GxB] and [GxG], which made me think when I clicked on it that this was an otome game. Suffice it to say I was a bit confused when I realized that the protagonist of the VN is a guy. cx The four romance tags that you commonly see are these:
BxB (boy pursues boy)
BxG (boy pursues girl)
GxB (girl pursues boy)
GxG (girl pursues girl)
In other words, when it comes to BxG vs. GxB, order does matter! I think the tag that you should use is BxG, so that there are less people who are confused after clicking on the thread.
Also, I'm a little confused about the GxG part. Are these romances between side characters? If so, you may want to consider taking GxG out of the title as well. In the end, of course, it's your thread and you can do whatever you want, but generally those tags are used to denote the main romance only.
In terms of other tags, you might want to put some genre tags in the title (if there's room). Not a must, but it might draw more people to your thread. c:

Edited! thanks for the pointer. i never really understood the combinations so i used what seemed to fit with my story haha.

Zelan wrote:also VALHALLA YOU ARE SO GOOD AT GUIIIIII

Isn't he? and fast too. i have really come to rely on his capable services. if you have a pending project i suggest reaching out to him to do yours.

JB Coleman wrote:if ever need voice actors id be down heres my demo reel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgKXPm9NerA&app=desktop

sure Jb.. if we get over funded on Kickstarter we might make it a stretch goal. what languages do you speak?

Lightsaber throw? I haven't watched much Star Wars but that sounds pretty badass. ^_^ Yeah, the tags are hard to understand when you first see them. I basically used the same explanation word-for-word that someone gave me. c: I'm glad my suggestions were helpful! This seems like it'll be an exciting game, I'll be following its progress.

Patreon Page launched! Please show your support for the Episicava visual novel by becoming a patron! thanks you!

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=3731847

Since it's your first project, I do also agree on the completing a smaller scope project first advice. I myself am working on a massive VN for a first project (probably similar to Fate/Stay Night levels in terms of tone and length once it will be completed) but have decided to put that on hiatus whilst I focus on completing a small project or two to get the hang of writing specifically for a VN and working with a team to develop it, since even "simple" games like these can have a ton of problems in development.

If you're still going to do that though, best of luck to you and your team.

I speak English

Zelan wrote:also VALHALLA YOU ARE SO GOOD AT GUIIIIII

Haha... Thanks again Zelan! You're my number one fan I think!

Valhalla wrote:

Zelan wrote:also VALHALLA YOU ARE SO GOOD AT GUIIIIII

Haha... Thanks again Zelan! You're my number one fan I think!

Awww. cx I think the people that you've worked with might want that role, hehe.

@dfbreezy I love Alacria's design!

Zelan wrote: Awww. cx I think the people that you've worked with might want that role, hehe.

@dfbreezy I love Alacria's design!

Her design is thanks to the hard work of Leon Flores. He's preparing a more finished version as we speak so expect it in a few days. Also the rest of the Character designs are on thier way so keep your fingers crossed. Check our patreon page for Alacria's new battle design.