Re: Maid Mansion [BxG] [Eroge/Dating Sim/Romance] [Commercia
Posted: Sun Oct 30, 2016 6:40 pm
The opening music is a bit awkward since it starts partway through the song; I would suggest having the fade-in last longer so that it's not so sudden.
The animations seem to be sort of overdone, in my opinion. I don't really know any people who moves their shoulders when breathing unless it's a very deep breath; if the sprites are just going to be breathing normally, stick with a (very subtle) rise and fall of the chest. It's also a little weird that most of them are moving their heads at the same time; it's just a lot of movement happening all at once.
This trailer does a great job of showcasing the art and music, which are two crucial parts of a visual novel. The other important part, though, is the plot and writing. Of course, having some Star Wars text float across the screen probably isn't going to catch anyone's interest. It would be cool if you could add something like character quotes when each character is shown, to show off a bit of their personalities. (This would also mean that you should leave each character up a little longer, so that the quotes can be read. That would lengthen your trailer a little and might make it possible for the song to play in full instead of picking up in the middle.)
CGs are usually expected in VNs, so it would be a good idea to add some of the finished ones into the trailer. Ideally, you would have one spoiler-free CG for each girl, but if they aren't ready in time for the Kickstarter it can't really be helped. At the very least, though, you should put the one of Takako (the one in this thread) in there. (If you have any completed H-scene CGs, you might be able to crop them so that nothing questionable for KS is showing and use those as well.)
The animations seem to be sort of overdone, in my opinion. I don't really know any people who moves their shoulders when breathing unless it's a very deep breath; if the sprites are just going to be breathing normally, stick with a (very subtle) rise and fall of the chest. It's also a little weird that most of them are moving their heads at the same time; it's just a lot of movement happening all at once.
This trailer does a great job of showcasing the art and music, which are two crucial parts of a visual novel. The other important part, though, is the plot and writing. Of course, having some Star Wars text float across the screen probably isn't going to catch anyone's interest. It would be cool if you could add something like character quotes when each character is shown, to show off a bit of their personalities. (This would also mean that you should leave each character up a little longer, so that the quotes can be read. That would lengthen your trailer a little and might make it possible for the song to play in full instead of picking up in the middle.)
CGs are usually expected in VNs, so it would be a good idea to add some of the finished ones into the trailer. Ideally, you would have one spoiler-free CG for each girl, but if they aren't ready in time for the Kickstarter it can't really be helped. At the very least, though, you should put the one of Takako (the one in this thread) in there. (If you have any completed H-scene CGs, you might be able to crop them so that nothing questionable for KS is showing and use those as well.)