Silence In Daylight

[SilentMonkey]

I am currently working on my first visual novel and created a little demo that I would like to get some feedback on. Whether it be good tips/suggestions or some valuable criticism I will be glad to receive on this post as long as it relates to said project.The main focus on this particular upload was to see how effectively I used the music and sound effects and backrounds.
More info on the game in the link.

Our main character starts on a train to a academy created for students with specific talents. The main purpose of the academy is not mentioned yet until he visits the school itself. The character will soon figure out the rumors he heard were indeed true about the academy and now that he knows, there will be no backing out.(which will be in a better refined and longer demo)


No need to download to see it.
If I somehow provided a bad link please let me know and I will fix it quickly.
If the sound seems off reload the page or if demo leads to black page give it a few clicks, not sure why but it seems a little buggy.

link to demo:https://silentmonkey6.itch.io/silence-in-daylight

[RedOwl]

Hey there! So I checked out your demo, and I have some feedback for you:

1. Writing "Promises" - The demo largely focuses on introducing the school, and how it is a unique and special place. However, that alone is only mildly intriguing. If you really want to pull me in and make me care about this place, you should try and give a few more hints/suggestions as to why this school is so special. Is it a school for training spies? Secret magicians? Telepaths? Is it really just a super selective school? If so, what's the catch? I'm not saying you need to reveal everything right at the beginning... just give some concrete hints at what's in store. This will also help me to empathize with the main character.

2. Characterization (MC) - I understand if you're going for the "bland MC that anyone could imagine themselves as" - however, if you want the main character to actually have a personality, this scene is the perfect time to set that up. The MC tells us a bunch of matter-of-fact information about what they're getting into - but, it's not flavorful. It doesn't really tell me who the main character is or how they feel about the situation - are they nervous because they have trouble fitting in? Are they confident because they are really good at everything? Are they curious because they have an analytical mind and a need for problem solving and making sense of life? At the end of the demo, why do they think the next two years will be long? Just because the mysterious woman told them that? Or because of some internal, pre-existing issues or tendencies that they will need to confront, in this new, mysterious environment?

3. Characterization (???) - Same for the mysterious woman - in terms of characterization, all that stood out to me was that she weirdly knew all about the main character, and she was warning him that his time at the school wouldn't be easy. But what was her attitude? That wasn't clear to me. Was she harsh, disapproving of his transfer? Wanting to scare him? Was she flippant, uncaring - more interested in her phone? Or was she actually concerned for the main character and giving him legit advice? If I knew which of these things you were going for, she would have made a stronger impression - I would have cared about her as a character more.

4. Bug? After the line "Looks like the stop after this one is mine" the game simply paused for quite a while (15 seconds?). I thought that might have been the end of the demo, haha.

5. This forum post - You would probably get more feedback here if you placed at least a short description of your story premise in your forum post. And also explaining that the demo is playable in the browser (no download) might encourage more people to try it out.

Sorry for all the criticism, I actually liked what you have so far (that's why I took the time to give you feedback) - my favorite part was when the main character notices "???" sitting next to him via the reflection in the window. That was a cool touch and really grounded me in the scene. Good writing! More of those little, realistic details will bring the story to life.

[SilentMonkey]

Hey there! So I checked out your demo, and I have some feedback for you:

1. Writing "Promises" - The demo largely focuses on introducing the school, and how it is a unique and special place. However, that alone is only mildly intriguing. If you really want to pull me in and make me care about this place, you should try and give a few more hints/suggestions as to why this school is so special. Is it a school for training spies? Secret magicians? Telepaths? Is it really just a super selective school? If so, what's the catch? I'm not saying you need to reveal everything right at the beginning... just give some concrete hints at what's in store. This will also help me to empathize with the main character.

2. Characterization (MC) - I understand if you're going for the "bland MC that anyone could imagine themselves as" - however, if you want the main character to actually have a personality, this scene is the perfect time to set that up. The MC tells us a bunch of matter-of-fact information about what they're getting into - but, it's not flavorful. It doesn't really tell me who the main character is or how they feel about the situation - are they nervous because they have trouble fitting in? Are they confident because they are really good at everything? Are they curious because they have an analytical mind and a need for problem solving and making sense of life? At the end of the demo, why do they think the next two years will be long? Just because the mysterious woman told them that? Or because of some internal, pre-existing issues or tendencies that they will need to confront, in this new, mysterious environment?

3. Characterization (???) - Same for the mysterious woman - in terms of characterization, all that stood out to me was that she weirdly knew all about the main character, and she was warning him that his time at the school wouldn't be easy. But what was her attitude? That wasn't clear to me. Was she harsh, disapproving of his transfer? Wanting to scare him? Was she flippant, uncaring - more interested in her phone? Or was she actually concerned for the main character and giving him legit advice? If I knew which of these things you were going for, she would have made a stronger impression - I would have cared about her as a character more.

4. Bug? After the line "Looks like the stop after this one is mine" the game simply paused for quite a while (15 seconds?). I thought that might have been the end of the demo, haha.

5. This forum post - You would probably get more feedback here if you placed at least a short description of your story premise in your forum post. And also explaining that the demo is playable in the browser (no download) might encourage more people to try it out.

Sorry for all the criticism, I actually liked what you have so far (that's why I took the time to give you feedback) - my favorite part was when the main character notices "???" sitting next to him via the reflection in the window. That was a cool touch and really grounded me in the scene. Good writing! More of those little, realistic details will bring the story to life.

Thank you for taking the time and giving me your thoughts and suggestions:)
Yes the main purpose should have been revealed in the first scene and it will be in a more complete version of the demo. Starting from the train to the actual school and introducing key characters and giving a better understanding of what it's all about.
I did want the Main Character to be what the player wants him/her to be and now that you mention it, having a main character who already knows things about the school that is supposed to be mysterious but the player is left out of the loop is a bit annoying. Looking for a fine line to describe some situations through dialogue more than that of the thoughts of the main character would give better depth to the other characters involved, I will definitely refrain from hand holding the player to much and let them imagine what is going on. The mysterious woman will get more dialogue as well for a better understanding of how she feels about our MC getting into the academy.
The delay after the main character reaches the stop before theirs is for the sound effect of the train slowing down to be heard and not be skipped, I wanted a better feel for the atmosphere with the appropriate sounds for the situation. Giving the player something interesting and valuable to read during the effect would be a better alternative.
Yea my bad I will edit the post to give a more fitting description and note the no download. Your tips/feedback will definitely help me make a a better quality demo. Hopefully this will help some people on what not to do. I will go back and figure out what type of visual novel I want it to be and give something satisfying and rewarding for the people who took time out their day to give my project a look.