The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#16 Post by Zelan » Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:14 pm

WE HAVE LIFTOFF!! :D

Wherever you put the font file, that seems to have fixed the issue. ^_^ You could probably even update it with the font that you originally wanted in that same spot, but for now I'll just play through it with Times New Roman. c:

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#17 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Mon Nov 21, 2016 1:06 pm

Zelan wrote:WE HAVE LIFTOFF!! :D

Wherever you put the font file, that seems to have fixed the issue. ^_^ You could probably even update it with the font that you originally wanted in that same spot, but for now I'll just play through it with Times New Roman. c:
*Hallelujah chorus plays in the background*

That actually is the right font this time, I changed it back just to see if I had put it in the wrong place the first time. Apparently I did :P At least now I know XD

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#18 Post by Zelan » Sun Dec 04, 2016 7:58 pm

I've been busy the past couple weeks, but I finally got to sit down and play this for a while. I've finished Chapter 1! ^_^ Your writing is fantastic - I love your word choice, and the detailed descriptions that you go through are perfect. I'm just blown away by the quality of everything, actually. The art that went along with everything was gorgeous. Even your sound direction was on point! There are a lot of VNs that are a little lacking on this front - not bad, but not great - but all of the music that you chose fit the scenes perfectly.
All of those things were great throughout all of Chapter 1, but I think my favorite part has to be starting from where Makani went into the water to hunt Thra Pena through to the end of the chapter. The background of the mountain and the lightning storm was gorgeous, and the set of CGs after Makani dove into the water and battles Thra Pena were just perfect. I don't even have the words to describe it. The narration was paced perfectly and I was able to vividly imagine the scene taking place. And the backing track to all of this made something already great even better. I actually replayed this scene twice because it was so flawless. I wish I could create a scene of that caliber.[/i]
I think my favorite character besides Makani was probably Kaial. c: She seems like a strong girl despite how young she is. I could easily see another story featuring her as a main character.

The lore was amazing, too! I loved the play about the Voiceless Goddess. (That was essentially their creation story, right?) And the other bits of lore were cool as well, like the bit about the mountains if you choose to stay with Nareen.

Really, the only negative thing that I have to point out is the grammar errors and typos that I found, but they really didn't detract from the experience for me at all. (I might even say that they made it more enjoyable. I love proofreading things. cx) Even though there were errors, the actual storytelling is fantastic and I adore your writing style. Like honestly, if you published a book I would buy it without hesitation. (Please tell me if you ever do.)
Chapter 1
Chapter 1 (Nareen Choice)
Chapter 1 (Parents Choice)

The last thing I have to say is sort of a suggestion, I guess. Since you have so many portions which are long portions of monologue or narration, you might benefit from switching between ADV mode (adventure mode - what you're doing now, with textboxes), and NVL mode (novel mode, which looks like this (screenshots from Katawa Shoujo).

The thing with NVL mode is that it covers up the screen, aka the art, so I wouldn't use it anytime that you're using a CG. It's also not as good for fast-paced moments - a textbox gives the idea of things happening in rapid succession, while NVL mode seems slower and more ponderous. But for any bits with a lot of words and little or no change in any of the art on-screen, NVL mode might be something that you could look into. c: (If my memory serves correct, Mammon used a combination of ADV and NVL modes in his recent game Pervert & Yandere.) Of course, that's only a suggestion and it might not end up working well for your game, so don't feel like you have to implement it. c:

I'm looking forward to reading Chapter 2! :D Phenomenal work so far.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#19 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:21 pm

@Zelan--

Oh my stars, you said so many nice things!! I don't even realy know where to start XD But I'm overjoyed you enjoyed the first chapter! I spent a lot of time going through music options, so I'm happy to hear you think they fit too. And funny you should say that about Kaial, that's actually something I've considered in fiddling with ideas for sequels XD

The play about the Voiceless Goddess in the creation story for the the Four Peoples, yes. Actually the lore I've built around this world goes back way farther than that, but you won't see most of it in this story since it's so ancient. It's been a lot of fun for me though! And

And you even took the time to make note of spelling errors, thank you!! You didn't have to do that at all, but I do really appreciate it that you did :D One of my goals for this month in addition to writing more of the rough script is to polish the demo, and this will be a huge help!

As for NVL mode, I don't think I'm going to use that. Looking through the demo again, I can see how it might be a good idea, but I personally get really intimidated by seeing a screen-full of text. It's just a personal preference thing, even though it might not be the most practical. I'm going to try to put more of the exposition in the dialogue instead of Makani's narration when and where I can.

Anyway, I hope you like Chapter 2 as well! And thank you so much for all your help and feedback and for being so patient in trying to figure out how to get the Mac version to work!

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#20 Post by Kikaharu » Mon Dec 05, 2016 6:25 pm

I'm glad to see you aren't fond of the wall of text is what I call it. I see how some people like it but to me it's like nooo. It tends to hurt my eyes sometimes. It really feels blocky instead of like someone's thoughts coming one at a time. So I'm glad you are going to stick to the way you are now. :)

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship w/optional romance]

#21 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Mon Dec 12, 2016 2:46 am

Okay update time!

Decided to begin my demo fix-up by updating some of the art. I spent all of November writing the script, so it's time to remind my hand how to draw.

Here's the new bg for the First Sea (one of the backgrounds that really bothered me, but I put up with for the sake of my deadline).
Image

Might be a little zoomed out for a background though (like the characters are talking up on a mountain or something), but if nothing else I could use it as a cg instead to show what kind of place this is and draw something else for the background.


Other updates:
The rough script is approximately 95,000 words at the time I'm typing this. Still unsure what the final word-count will be.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship/adventure]DEMO

#22 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Wed Feb 01, 2017 2:31 am

A small update so that no one thinks I've forgotten this:

The revamp of the demo is late, my apologies. There have been a few unforeseen technical difficulties with my computer and tools. I've had to redo some stuff because of it and it's set me back a bit. Hopefully I should have the more polished demo up in the coming week or two. It's mostly done, there are just a few more decisions to make.

The good news is that the hardest parts (for me) of the coding are just about behind me, I think. So when it comes time to take the final draft of the story and put it into code, that shouldn't be too tough (I actually find it kind of fun!).


I hope the start of the new year is going well for you all!

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#23 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Sun Apr 02, 2017 9:15 pm

Okay, so I completed the Demo revamp last month and I added a little bit into chapter three to make sure there's something new to it.

I would have posted that I updated it earlier, but I've been wanting to make the forum post look nicer with some more organized artwork and such. However, I've decided this isn't really as important as completing the project itself, so I'll probably leave the forum as is until the game is completed and ready for release.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#24 Post by Kikaharu » Tue Apr 04, 2017 1:03 am

SwallowtailedTrinket wrote:Okay, so I completed the Demo revamp last month and I added a little bit into chapter three to make sure there's something new to it.

I would have posted that I updated it earlier, but I've been wanting to make the forum post look nicer with some more organized artwork and such. However, I've decided this isn't really as important as completing the project itself, so I'll probably leave the forum as is until the game is completed and ready for release.

Glad you are getting somewhere with this. :) It's been awhile since I played the demo but I still remember it quite well. One that I won't forget. The art and the characters very remember-able.

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#25 Post by Ghost of Crux » Sat Apr 08, 2017 4:20 pm

Since you said to jot down initial thoughts before the demo, I'll do just that ;')

First things first-- I absolutely adore the passage you had on the first post regarding the origin story. It reads a lot like the super interesting creation stories I see rarely made into stories, and just grabbed my attention from the get go. It got me super excited to learn about the cast and their story, actually-- that was a selling point. Just. A++, thank you.

Then there's the cast.
I. Really like Makani.
It's really, really hard to sell a "cursed" but "Strong female" story because of how easy it is to get the description sounding cliche, no matter how good the story actually is, but you actually pulled off a very good first impression. I'm actually more interested in her overall-- though I'm often weak to characters like Vane :'D;; (Groriu, tho,,...)
In any case, I'm really liking the protagonist already, so now it's time to download the demo! :'DD
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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#26 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:20 pm

Kikaharu wrote: Glad you are getting somewhere with this. :) It's been awhile since I played the demo but I still remember it quite well. One that I won't forget. The art and the characters very remember-able.
That's really encouraging to hear! I'm glad they were memorable! The project continues to be a lot more writing than I was expecting it to, but I'm working my way along :)


Ghost of Crux wrote:Since you said to jot down initial thoughts before the demo, I'll do just that ;')

First things first-- I absolutely adore the passage you had on the first post regarding the origin story. It reads a lot like the super interesting creation stories I see rarely made into stories, and just grabbed my attention from the get go. It got me super excited to learn about the cast and their story, actually-- that was a selling point. Just. A++, thank you.

Then there's the cast.
I. Really like Makani.
It's really, really hard to sell a "cursed" but "Strong female" story because of how easy it is to get the description sounding cliche, no matter how good the story actually is, but you actually pulled off a very good first impression. I'm actually more interested in her overall-- though I'm often weak to characters like Vane :'D;; (Groriu, tho,,...)
In any case, I'm really liking the protagonist already, so now it's time to download the demo! :'DD
What I meant was to jot down your thoughts after playing the demo and before you read the questions to get a sort of less filtered feel for your impressions on the game. That said, I really appreciate this too!

Wow thank you :D I sometimes worry if my first post is too text heavy, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!

And an interest in the protagonist is always good :D Because you are stuck with them! Thank you! I hope you enjoy the demon too :)

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#27 Post by Ghost of Crux » Sat Apr 15, 2017 1:22 pm

ALL RIGHT SO THIS IS SUPER LONG because I actually took notes on Notepad as I went through so it does tend to sound like I'm still unaware of later events (bc i was) but anyway here you go //so sorry


Several impressions on the general feel from the get go:

These are relatively minor things, but the main menu-- the bubbles are a great hover effect, but perhaps make them a bit lighter? As it is right now, it feels a bit "lacking" in response? It's blending with the background with that color, and since the text doesn't change color... yeah. Another is the textbox stuffs. The name is rather... small. Having each character have different colors definitely helped, but since the text is pretty small (and several characters, like Ruim, have colors that are somewhat close to the namebox bg) sometimes it takes me a while to take note of who's talking.

(Also, this one's just me because I tend to easily exhaust my eyes, but some padding from the black kelp divider perhaps? >< It's mostly just me of course, but having text go so close to the edge gives me the feeling that it's all overwhelming.)

OTHER THAN THAT, though:

1. Music. I really like them, and the scenes they're in. They complement things super well, and it's actually really atmospheric :'D Great choices!

2. THE DIALOGUE WITH RUIM. I am definitely liking the wrong characters here, because I think Makani and Ruim are great. The "I feel we are way nicer when supernatural threats loom over us" line is just A+, thank you sir.

However, I feel like one screen in particular-- where Makani described how the family leaders raised her-- had way too much text. For me it was readable primarily thanks to me changing the text to fast speed rather than instantenous. But yeah, once again, mostly because I get overwhelmed rather quickly.

I also noticed some, uh, strange word choices? I'm not sure if it's intentional, but "myself and the others naturally straightened" sound a bit off to me. I'm not entirely aware if there are common colloquial that involves that kinda use of "myself", since my English is all over the place, but yeah.

As for the story, though, I'm really intrigued by the curse itself. It definitely wasn't what I was expecting-- the fact that the curse wasn't passive but "forces" someone to act a certain way is super, super interesting. I'm actually super excited to see how it unfolds-- especially when the others finally join. I also love the interactions between the Layn siblings-- it's just so good //wipes tears
Overall, I really like the focus on the familial relationships in this demo, both biological and not. It's just... really good :'D I can see Makani's reluctance in this all, and things are explained just enough for things that happened to be "seen" as a "viable option". I really like it.

THEN WHITE EEL GUY. I mean Groriu. The intro was wonderful. Makani's thoughts are just great in this. //wipes single tear
Kameckt's intro wasn't what I was expecting, either-- the music really made it. I actually laughed at just how... it all unfolded. Groriu is totally NOT my fave companion so far or anything....,,,, he can take his..... long eel tail and go away or something,... he'sthebestimlaughing VANE... tiny brother. Protect.
(also im knee deep in Groriu's path where's the exit i can't find the light I'm..... in too deep im so sorry for the cheap pun)

ALL IN ALL... I love them all... soft children.
(sorry this devolved fast at the end
in general, my mind devolves as fast as a bathbomb in water)

I'm super excited to see this done!
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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#28 Post by SwallowtailedTrinket » Sun Apr 16, 2017 1:53 am

@Ghost of Crux

Okay, so GUI still needs quite a bit of fine-tuning. I will add that to my list! Thanks for the specifics, too, that's a big help!

I've tried to trim down most of the text walls, but I wouldn't be surprised that I've missed a few.

Nah, liking Ruim is fine--likable side-characters are better than boring ones, right? And I'm pleased that you enjoyed the sibling moments as well!

The end of your post actually made me laugh a lot XD Sounds like you had fun playing and I couldn't ask for more!

Thank you so very much for your feedback :D It means a lot to me, and I'm happy you enjoyed it!

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#29 Post by Zelan » Mon Apr 17, 2017 10:37 pm

@Ghost of Crux

Welcome to the fanclub buddy pal, this game is really great and I need to finish the demo still I'm sorry I haven't yet

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Re: The Deep Unknown [Fantasy/friendship] Demo-updated

#30 Post by LuckyCats » Wed Apr 19, 2017 2:32 am

I'm not a terrific artist, nor a great writer
take those words back (ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू)


You are an awesome writer! I was completely entertained by the story the whole time I often found myself smiling and genuinely amused with their interactions (*^ワ^*)
They all have such vivid personalities and your sprites look completely like how sea creature/human hybrids would be if humans ended up that way.




Anything unclear that you wish had been better explained or would expect to be explained as the story goes along?
___________________________________________________________________________________________


I'm particularly curious about the Loremna’tat. That Vane said Riu wasn't as big as he expected makes me wonder if Riu is small for a Loremna’tat or if the female Loremna’tat are the larger ones Vane had expected to see. Especially since Riu mentioned that they are stronger than the males.



What expectations do you have based on the premise, description, and demo?
________________________________________________________________________________________
I expect that I will love the story and wish it were longer lolol as I do with all games I enjoy playing




Do you like Makani? Is she a protagonist you're willing to root for?
________________________________________________________


Makani is one of my most fav mcs ever she is such a good soul(。>‿‿<。 )
I love how shes such a mediator and caretaker shes the most reliable one of all looking out for everyone.

Also its so touching that she (and her people) care so much for the family members that have passed away. The lore that went into how when an amesol dies their totem necklaces are split up to be given to family members so that they will always have something from to remember them by is sweet

Got a favorite character?
____________________________________________


YES XD

Makani
For the reasons I mentioned above ^^^

Riu
He's just so wonderfully sassy/snarky/candid ☆o(≧▽≦)o☆
I find myself looking forward to his scenes the most my favorite of the guys

Vane
He's soo timid I just want to cuddle him!(๑˃̵ ᴗ ˂̵)و
Not smart urge with poisonous creatures lolol right but there it is

Komakty sigh...
There are parts where I'm amused with his boundless optimism but also times that I'm irritated with how he completely steam rolls over the others opinions if they dont suit him. I hope he learns to listen as the story goes on.


Would you want to play through the rest of the story?
___________________________________________________________

Without a doubt I will gladly play the rest of the story Σd(≧ω≦*)




Anything that just needs fixing?
______________________________




During scene where they are transported away from the One Sea I didn't get the impression of a downpour like it implied was happening. The music was peaceful during it too I think if the music was more tense, or the sky darkened, or there were rain sounds it would give it a more dramatic atmosphere


After the departure storm there is gap of about a minuets silence with no music


When she first meets Riu you can see he has her spear in the cg when it switches back to the sprites she has it but talks about him still having it.



I have a few questions for you if you don't mind
__________________________________
If you had to pick one of the races to change into which would it be?

As the dev which character did you think ppl would like the most?

Will they meet more ppl of the various races as they travel? Will those characters have sprites?

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