To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

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Ghost of Crux
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To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#1 Post by Ghost of Crux » Sat Apr 08, 2017 4:07 pm

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The particularly uncouth would say that the Celeste are made from an unholy union:
a mother with magic and premonition and a father whose hands grow poison can only bring their offsprings further downhill.
Their three sons see visions of different times.

Emilyan "Em" Celeste prefers never to think of his family and their dubious legacy. Dysfunctional is putting their messy history lightly; more aptly, perhaps, they're a collective failure.

Thala Wandestinee is destined for greatness. It is a great shame that he will die by the end of the summer.

Confronted by potential change, Em must decide how he thinks the future should be-- or, indeed, whether fate is really what he thought it's always been. All that, with Thala's fate and life in his hands.


NaNoDemo is out! itch.io


art&story by namio
characters owned by ksen boyko
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The only son of Lt. General Wandestinee and Countess Wandestinee, Thala is a promising young heir: polite, nice and talented, their one hope has entered the notoriously difficult Military Academy of Magic and graduated, bringing further praise to the family name. Just, nobody thought he'd be tangled up with-- much less, at times, rather enamored by-- Em Celeste, "dipshit of the mountains and third son of those Celeste".

Em Celeste himself lived half his life in a village down the mountains. The only straight truth he's ever said was his last name. What he's never said, though, was why he's here: in the heart of the province, saving Thala Wandestinee from his would-be assassins.

(He is, however, indeed a dipshit.)
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Em holds one truth: there's a special place in hell for people who worry Ally. On a regular day Ally is often paralyzed by the sheer amount of choices his mind produces-- the middle child of the three siblings, Ally has the ability to perceive all the paths in life that can be taken now. Unlike his brothers, though, who chose punching and daggers as their ways of life, Ally runs a flower and herbs shop, further cementing the Celeste's name as witches and the cursed.

Anastasiy Celeste made quite a name for himself by being a proud asshole. A swordsman with two students, it's amazing he's hold out this long, with how his abilities to peer into the past nets him quite a powerful capacity for deep-seated grudge. Em's worst nightmare, usually.

Mira Celeste, "Ma" as she was known by Ann, "Mother" as she was known by Ally, and "Sir", courtesy of Em, had been deceased for the past six years. The shadow she left behind still lingers, haunting the minds of her sons.
Sometimes, they say that Em will be her successor.
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There's not much to say about Captain Unia-- at least not if one would like to remain polite. Her extensive history that involves being banned from entering a number of neighboring countries is one thing, but she also somehow juggles the smuggling and selling of her passion-- illegal alcohol of dubious safety track record-- with her military career. Despite all that, though, there's a jaded heart in there-- one that tries hard to remember fondly a time long, long ago.
Shaula & Lesath
Inseparable, Shaula and Lesath are siblings from someplace else who'd come and later became Ann's students. As an older brother, Lesath is generally rather protective of Shaula-- still, she knows to hold her own. They both used to be yet another recipient of Em's former spitfire personality. These days, however, they're a lot more agreeable-- even if sometimes they still want to smack him a new one.

CURRENT PROGRESS

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FEEDBACK QUESTIONS


1. Is the premise interesting?
2. If you've played the demo-- is the pacing confusing? (eg. the transitions between times and scenes, etc.)
3. Are the dialogues too vague? Boring? Confusing?
4. Any comments and critique on the visuals?
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Progress

Planning: 30%
Writing: 20% (16,270 words & 25 menus) (Demo Script COMPLETE
Sprites: 80%
CGs: ???
BGs: ???
GUI: 65%
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Last edited by Ghost of Crux on Sun Jun 25, 2017 9:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#2 Post by Ertal77 » Sun Apr 09, 2017 6:18 pm

I've played a bit of the demo, but I'm sorry to say I couldn't understand a word :(

Maybe some kind of introduction would be helpful? And the first minutes a bit more telling about what's going on? Also, it's strange to find a VN without music and sounds; you can always find nice music under Creative Commons in youtube, Soundcloud or even here in the forum, and classical music is usually free to use.

I like a lot the art, though, both the backgrounds and the sprites: they have a dreamy quality that goes well with the fantasy premise.

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#3 Post by ALCOR_etc » Sun Apr 09, 2017 7:05 pm

Finally got a chance to play this (as procrastination). I've only gone through it once, so I don't know if the different options lead to different events, but I thought I'd leave a comment :D

1. Is the premise interesting?
Yup! And I'm loving all the characters and character designs.

2. If you've played the demo-- is the pacing confusing? (eg. the transitions between times and scenes, etc.)
The demo was confusing, as it throws the reader directly into the story, but I personally enjoyed that. I'd say that I started getting a better idea of what was happening in the second half of the demo.
As for transitions (the literal dissolve transitions), I felt that some of the transitions between scenes were a tad too long. But then, I'm also one of those people who always play with text speed on max. Please take this with a grain of salt ^_^;

3. Are the dialogues too vague? Boring? Confusing?
The conversations felt really natural to me, and I loved that. I particularly enjoyed the dialog between Captain Unia and Em; it was confusing, sure, but it gave me some idea about backstory, and was definitely fun to read.

4. Any comments and critique on the visuals?
I LOVE the way you draw people. They always look so... natural (not stiff?), if that makes any sense. And you have a terrific grasp on body language. The demo is a treat to look at.
The GUI is also gorgeous, and I adore the birds everywhere. A+++++ on that!

(Also, I'll have to let you know later if I can possibly help with the beta. I really want to, but I don't have faith in myself to do a good job of it this month ;_;)

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#4 Post by Ghost of Crux » Tue Apr 11, 2017 2:30 pm

Ertal77 wrote:I've played a bit of the demo, but I'm sorry to say I couldn't understand a word :(

Maybe some kind of introduction would be helpful? And the first minutes a bit more telling about what's going on? Also, it's strange to find a VN without music and sounds; you can always find nice music under Creative Commons in youtube, Soundcloud or even here in the forum, and classical music is usually free to use.

I like a lot the art, though, both the backgrounds and the sprites: they have a dreamy quality that goes well with the fantasy premise.
Thank you so much for even giving it a try!

That is definitely something I'll have to address for the improved demo-- thank you so much for bringing it to my attention! :'D
You're right; I should probably add at least an introduction to the family and the world, if nothing else. Information density has been a bit... hard with this one, since the one who had access to the script from the get go is someone who knows what's happening, and this is something I feared would happen. Thank you so much for this piece of feedback!

As for the music-- admittedly, that one is purely me and not at all the lack of free music LOL
I was sick during the last few days of NaNo on top of some intense IRL stresses, and adding music to my projects have always been my least favorite part of production, period. (even compared to drawing backgrounds) But it definitely will have music, even if I skimped out on this one. :'D;;; Sorry!

I'm glad you liked the arts, though! It's been easily the funnest part of the entire project, and I'm glad you think it fits.

Thank you so much for everything!
ALCOR_etc wrote:Finally got a chance to play this (as procrastination). I've only gone through it once, so I don't know if the different options lead to different events, but I thought I'd leave a comment :D

1. Is the premise interesting?
Yup! And I'm loving all the characters and character designs.

2. If you've played the demo-- is the pacing confusing? (eg. the transitions between times and scenes, etc.)
The demo was confusing, as it throws the reader directly into the story, but I personally enjoyed that. I'd say that I started getting a better idea of what was happening in the second half of the demo.
As for transitions (the literal dissolve transitions), I felt that some of the transitions between scenes were a tad too long. But then, I'm also one of those people who always play with text speed on max. Please take this with a grain of salt ^_^;

3. Are the dialogues too vague? Boring? Confusing?
The conversations felt really natural to me, and I loved that. I particularly enjoyed the dialog between Captain Unia and Em; it was confusing, sure, but it gave me some idea about backstory, and was definitely fun to read.

4. Any comments and critique on the visuals?
I LOVE the way you draw people. They always look so... natural (not stiff?), if that makes any sense. And you have a terrific grasp on body language. The demo is a treat to look at.
The GUI is also gorgeous, and I adore the birds everywhere. A+++++ on that!

(Also, I'll have to let you know later if I can possibly help with the beta. I really want to, but I don't have faith in myself to do a good job of it this month ;_;)
As for now, the choices do nothing more than flavor text and stats, but currently there aren't any branching paths, so you're good! (Though as far as I, a fan... person? of the characters, am concerned, the canon choice is the "wife only?" option)

1. I'm glad! :'D

2. AH HMM... I'm going to rewrite several sections to make it a bit friendlier at least-- even if things are supposed to unfold more slowly, I don't think pure confusion is a good note to start on LOL Thank you, though! If you don't mind me asking (no pressure to answer; I'll be reviewing every line of the script anyway), can you tell me if there are parts you think would be... helpful to expand on, at least in terms of making things less confusing?

3. Captain Unia and Em are... //face in hands
Their dialogues are supposed to be more about what's happening in politics, but it ran away from me and turned into thickly veiled stripper jokes I'm sorry
I'll try to include more thoughts by Em, though! Perhaps that might at least help clear up some of the things they seemingly randomly say.

4. :'DDDDD I'm.... so glad!! The art was the part that was most fun, I'm glad it looked good! This makes me a very happy artist //lone tear
THE BIRDS WERE BEST. They took ages, but I really like them too. I love birbs.

(AH Thank you so much!! The demo would probably have to be pushed back because of the entire rewrite thing (I didn't really put in writing time for the polished demo estimate, mostly just finishing the art backlog) so I think I'll still be chugging along early May?)

Thank you so much both of you for the feedback, though. They're invaluable. :'D
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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#5 Post by Zelan » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:40 pm

Ghost of Crux wrote:(Though as far as I, a fan... person? of the characters, am concerned, the canon choice is the "wife only?" option)
yES of course it is

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#6 Post by Ghost of Crux » Tue Apr 11, 2017 10:52 pm

Zelan wrote:
Ghost of Crux wrote:(Though as far as I, a fan... person? of the characters, am concerned, the canon choice is the "wife only?" option)
yES of course it is
Ksen also said that the wife option is the one closest to Em's character, so there's that LMAO

I got super sidetracked with con stuffs but here's a sketch for another sprite for Shaula! I've been working on variant sprites that would fit the scenes more (mostly for Unia and Shaula, though Em probably will get different poses if possible).

Image

Thala is also getting another outfit that'll primarily be used in the party scene.

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#7 Post by Ertal77 » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:13 am

I'm really looking forward to the improved demo...

Oh, just as a quick note, since you are rewriting a bit the start: one of the things that confused me the most was the fact they kept mentioning a lot of people I haven't been introduced yet. Talking about a new character before they appear raises the interest, but more than one at the same time is highly confusing.

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#8 Post by Ghost of Crux » Sat Apr 15, 2017 1:29 pm

CLOSES EYES guess who spent an entire day playing Fire Emblem: Heroes from scratch just to get Alfonse to a 4-star? Three guesses, and the first two don't count.
Ertal77 wrote:I'm really looking forward to the improved demo...

Oh, just as a quick note, since you are rewriting a bit the start: one of the things that confused me the most was the fact they kept mentioning a lot of people I haven't been introduced yet. Talking about a new character before they appear raises the interest, but more than one at the same time is highly confusing.
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Thank you so much for this! I revisited the intro and definitely see what you mean now-- thank you so much, that was a HUGE help. I added some more dialogues trying to clarify Em's relation to Ally and Ann, as well as Shaula with Lesath, and Shaula with Ann. I think I'll add a bit more comments by Em regarding the people he's vaguely mentioned with Co-Conspirator Unia as well, though I already added a bit more info on his parents.

I'll have someone who has fresh pair of eyes go through the text again before the end of the month, though! We'll see how much that helps clarify things.
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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#9 Post by Ghost of Crux » Tue Apr 18, 2017 12:16 am

It's art post day today!
totally not because I'm too distracted to write, lately. My attention span is about as long-lasting as a bath bomb in water

The background is still a work in progress, but I'm chugging slowly... Been looking up Ukrainian old houses these past few days; they're... I can't make sense of the layout orz
But anyway.
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The vast majority of the mini CGs are lined by now; only the ones with changing expressions/sprites aren't yet. I might push demo release a week later, though. College demands me to have 4 different projects (one actually demanding a working device and app), papers and appraisals in one go :|
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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#10 Post by Zelan » Tue Apr 18, 2017 2:09 pm

whispers you should add me on fe heroes I'm 4928233551 (I also got alfonse to 4 stars in like...2 days. and anna. and sharena. and virion. now they're waiting on great badges and so many goddamn feathers so I can get them to 5 orz)

*pets art* Thala is such a beautiful child and I love him. Good luck on those Ukranian houses friendo!

(I think you should know that I accidentally typed "lunk" instead of "luck" and it made me laugh super hard. I'm still laughing actually)

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#11 Post by Ghost of Crux » Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:40 pm

Zelan wrote:whispers you should add me on fe heroes I'm 4928233551 (I also got alfonse to 4 stars in like...2 days. and anna. and sharena. and virion. now they're waiting on great badges and so many goddamn feathers so I can get them to 5 orz)

*pets art* Thala is such a beautiful child and I love him. Good luck on those Ukranian houses friendo!

(I think you should know that I accidentally typed "lunk" instead of "luck" and it made me laugh super hard. I'm still laughing actually)
I restarted the game and got him to 4-star in a day... what a good son he is.
WILL DO

Thala is a good son. A very good son. Too bad he's stuck with Em who is a dipshit
Some stuffs I wrote so far:
em "I'm glad you're so concerned about me, but I wasn't born yesterday, you know."
#Em deep breath
em "I was born seventeen years ago, to a family of four up in the mountains, where we have a garden in the back and a loyal dog to guard our sh--"
#Thala intensely closes eyes
th "I--"
em "{i}sheep{/i}, and the winds vaguely smell like wet wool, smoke and freshly baked bread."
#Thala closes eyes
th "..."
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WELL LUNK WISHES! I hope I can comprehend the layout sooner than later /sobs
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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#12 Post by Zelan » Tue Apr 18, 2017 8:57 pm

I tried to find a picture to illustrate the intense eye close but the google search gave me all sorts of open eyes and no closed ones so

But its fine cause u know Thala loves his dipshit more than anything
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eye close = lots of open eyes

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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#13 Post by Ghost of Crux » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:45 pm

Zelan wrote:I tried to find a picture to illustrate the intense eye close but the google search gave me all sorts of open eyes and no closed ones so

But its fine cause u know Thala loves his dipshit more than anything
when you so intense you went through the other end
close your eyes so hard it bounces back open
google never fails you

HE... DOES... what a fool.
To be fair, though, it does take a certain kind of amazing to be half as dipshit as Em is. His dialogue is new levels of ridiculous as he continues to talk to Thala.
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Finally did the confirm screen! which was a birb change but I am kinda lazy so
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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#14 Post by Ghost of Crux » Sun Apr 23, 2017 2:10 am

em "These legs can outkick a goat if I try hard enough."
th "...Ah. While I'm sure that's impressive, I have genuine doubts on the idea of outpowering a Captain with a goat-inspired kick. Not to look down on you, of course."
em "I can see now that you've never been kicked by a goat."
th "I can't say I have, that is true. But a goat never rose through the ranks and became a Captain either."
Yesterday I wrote 1.5k words for the script, as well as started on some more arts. Some flashback scenes are getting upgraded from CGs to CG-sprite hybrid, where sometimes the characters move. RIP me? Yeah.
but my project doesn't really have much redeeming value other than decent art so i might as well make it pretty
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Re: To Weave a Thread [BxB][Fantasy|Family|Drama]

#15 Post by Zelan » Sun Apr 23, 2017 12:49 pm

Ghost of Crux wrote:but my project doesn't really have much redeeming value other than decent art so i might as well make it pretty
This is untrue, I adore your writing. You have the best jokes and the best banter.

it is really pretty tho i ain't gonna lie

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