Within a Rose [BxG][Slice of Life][Romance][Fantasy]

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DoubleEdge
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Within a Rose [BxG][Slice of Life][Romance][Fantasy]

#1 Post by DoubleEdge » Fri Jun 16, 2017 2:35 pm

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Story
Within a Rose is a romance visual novel involving the evil fairy from Sleeping Beauty.

Wally is an 18-year-old boy living an ordinary life, but finds out after coming home from school that his parents had passed away in a car crash. Devastated, he becomes miserable and finds it difficult to smile again. A few months later when he finally manages to gather up the will to enter his parents' room and do some cleaning, he discovers a beautiful rose enclosed in a glass case hidden in the closet. He accidentally breaks the case and when he touches the rose he releases a woman with wings named Desdemona who was sealed away hundreds of years ago for trying to kill the princess of a kingdom that has long been gone.

First impressions will matter a great deal in this game. A player's initial choices will determine how much she likes Wally, if at all. This affects the entire story, with specific dialogue sometimes appearing throughout it all depending on the initial choices. There will be 3 good endings and 2 bad endings.
Characters
Wally

He's the main character of the game and a descendant of the Sleeping Beauty princess herself. He's a shy and overall a fairly kind person who hates it when people fight.
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Desdemona

She's the main heroine of the game. She holds an extreme amount of hatred towards the royal family who destroyed her childhood. She will spend most of the game learning and adapting to the new time period she finds herself in. She's very flirtacious which tends to make Wally uncomfortable.
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Sena

One of Wally's two best friends. Sena has harboured a crush on Wally for years, but has been too afraid to tell him how she feels. She's quite hotheaded and easily gets irritated by her friend, Marcus. Sena is the secondary heroine of the game.
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Marcus

Marcus is the brains of the trio of friends. He's very book-smart which at times makes him feel superior to those that can't match him. He tends to drive Sena nuts with what he says.
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CG/Screenshots
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Questions
1. What would you pay for this?

I intend to release Within a Rose on Steam, but I'm currently unsure what to price it at. It's about 43k words which when taking into account screen fades, characters appearing and disappearing, movement and replaying for different scenes, should be about 3-4 hours. It will have 15 cgs, isn't voiced and there are 6 characters with fullbody sprites and 3 with only headshots.

It seems that $10 is what most visual novels go for on steam and I have seen some that are on steam that are even shorter than my game will be, but they also have extremely good art. I'd like to make a living off of making visual novels, so I'm very worried about the launch price. I don't want to overcharge, but I don't want to undercharge either.

2. Wally being shy and shorter than the two heroines means that they will generally be the more decisive person in the relationship (including asking out/proposing). How do you feel about that type of relationship as opposed to ones where the guy traditionally does that?

3. Also general input would be nice too. How does this all sound?

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DustyBunny
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Re: Within a Rose [BxG][Slice of Life][Romance][Fantasy]

#2 Post by DustyBunny » Thu Jun 29, 2017 5:17 pm

1. What would you pay for this?

$10 seems like a fair price to me, given the length.

2. Wally being shy and shorter than the two heroines means that they will generally be the more decisive person in the relationship (including asking out/proposing). How do you feel about that type of relationship as opposed to ones where the guy traditionally does that?

I think it's an interesting idea, and it's original! I'd personally like to see more shy male protagonists in VNs.

3. Also general input would be nice too. How does this all sound?

Sounds pretty good to me! The idea of a shy male protagonist is something that hasn't been done too many times, and I think it would be refreshing to see that portrayed well in a VN. I also like Desdemona's design and she seems like she'll be an interesting character.

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Re: Within a Rose [BxG][Slice of Life][Romance][Fantasy]

#3 Post by DoubleEdge » Sat Jul 08, 2017 10:31 pm

Thanks for the response! Glad you like the idea and Desdemona's design.

I agree, I'd like to see more shy male protagonists too. I like seeing relationships that deviate a little from the norm, so that's why I decided on this.

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Re: Within a Rose [BxG][Slice of Life][Romance][Fantasy]

#4 Post by PencilSlothCreations » Sat Jul 08, 2017 11:38 pm

1. What would you pay for this?

$10 sounds like a generally reasonable amount for the specs you've listed.
I've seen Visual Novels priced relatively high for work that only about reaches $10 dollars due to their stories being much shorter, repetitive and the art being at an okay standard. On the other hand I've seen really well done visual novels that are at a very low price for an amazing quality of work.
$10 dollars seems to be a good starting point!

2. Wally being shy and shorter than the two heroines means that they will generally be the more decisive person in the relationship (including asking out/proposing). How do you feel about that type of relationship as opposed to ones where the guy traditionally does that?

So...the females are going to take the reigns in the relationship? That's fine by me.
Guys are traditionally the ones who begin a relationship because females are depicted as rather dainty and shy, constantly afraid of what the guy might respond and that the male is usually the one to initiate relationships because they might not have as much of that fear of impressions. Depending on the personality of the girls, it can be really well done and something a little different. This is to say that women being dominant in stories is not exactly unheard of, it's just submissive heros in visual novels particularly are less seen. For example, in Mirai Nikki (Future Diary) the main male lead is incredibly submissive while the female lead is the more dominant one; to the point where the male lead even relies completely on her to save him because he knows she's much stronger than he is. He in turn becomes the damsel in distress.
I don't really see how stature defines the dominance or submissiveness of a character. You can have a very tall male who is very shy and anxious with a submissive personality and a very short male who exudes dominance. It's all really in the personality, how they react to situations and how you design them.

3. Also general input would be nice too. How does this all sound?

It sounds really interesting and the dynamic seems fun.
I have a bit of a critique though. The male protagonist comes off as exceptionally feminine and looks very young, especially when comparing him to Desdemona; compared to her, he comes off as a middle-schooler and she a woman in her late thirties.
You can indeed have a short character look their age, from what I can see it's a lot in his facial features and body structure. Shrink the eyes a tad, make the face longer, etc. It's not just in Wally though, the other main characters look like they belong in junior high. I would suggest aging them up a little by shrinking some features, elongating faces and possibly rework some of Desdemona's design. This is purely a suggestion though, it's nothing you need to worry about; it was just my initial thought and slight discomfort seeing the CGs of Wally and Desdemona.

All in all, the premise is pretty good and the drawings seem quality and well done. Good luck to you in the future!

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Re: Within a Rose [BxG][Slice of Life][Romance][Fantasy]

#5 Post by DoubleEdge » Wed Jul 12, 2017 9:34 am

Thanks for your feedback. Sorry it made you uncomfortable. At this point though I've finished the game, so paying the artists I commissioned to rework the character sprites and CGs would be way too costly.

The main character just turned 18 and he's only 5'2, so he looks a bit young. Since I'm around that height and am also pretty shy, I wanted to create a character I could relate with. I've been mistaken to be younger than my little brother too who's a whopping 6 years younger than me.

Desdemona is indeed intended to look a bit older than them at about 25 years old in terms of looks and 6'4" tall. Sena is 5'4" and Marcus is 5'9". I could see how you could think they look younger than 18, but isn't middle school a bit much?

Does anyone else feel the same? Would it discourage you from buying the game?

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