Change Me![GxB][Romance/Fantasy/Comedy][DEMO!!]

[kawaiinekochama]

Hello everyone! I'm back! kinda
Well I decided to remake this game and redraw EVERYTHING since my art is improved
But the progress will be slow so see you again

[Piper]

Welcome back. This looks like a fun concept, so I look forward to following it!

[kawaiinekochama]

Thank you Piper for being interested in my project!

Now for updates. I've finished drawing extra characters with their expressions. Now I just need to draw the important extra characters and the backgrounds. Here are the extra characters I've drawn. The boxed ones are Mina's co-workers and the other two are.. well.. they're a secret.






And I've started writing for Yuu's route and the prologue. Well, the game's going to have some secrets so I might have to rewrite some parts so it's going to be long for the script to be done (; w ; )

That's all! See you next time!

[kawaiinekochama]

Hello! I've done 1/4 of Yuu's script and added splash screens at the start of the game! I'm also in process of making the intro video before starting a new game so it's gonna take a month or more :'))

I've also drawn a promotional poster for this game!



What do you think? Well, the estimated date for this game to be completed is 2021 as I've got plenty of things to be done and other works. _(:'3| )
Wish me luck!

[FerventWriter]

I love your promotional poster! The art is really cute and charming-it drew me in easily! Also, I'm quite interested in your game itself, as the mysteriousness of the characters is also really interesting to me. Overall everything looks great and I thought you would like some feedback-it looks like you're making great progress since you returned to the project and I can't wait to see where it goes!

[zezenia]

i'm really interested in your game ,the art looks adorable and the characters story would be something to look forward to

[kawaiinekochama]

Hey folks. I finally have an update about my game.

I finally finished with the script for the demo and most of the CGs needed and backgrounds. I just need to code the game's settings and the images so the demo might be finished by this month. However, the demo might not have any music because I don't have money to commish one. (TTwTT)

Btw these are the samples of the CGs I've drew for the game.





yea I know it's so shoujo manga-like maybe I will tone the sparkle down after I release the demo and have others feedback

That's all I can share! Thanks n see you again!

[kawaiinekochama]

Hey everyone! Finally I've finished the demo!!
Click down here to go to the download page!
Download

If there's any problem please inform me! Thank you!

[kawaiinekochama]

Hello everyone!
After like a year, I finished writing Yuu's route and now I'm writing for Jin's route! There will be some changes in story but not that major! I'm also planning to make a teaser video for this game but it will be made after I finished writing for all of their routes. So... maybe late next year than planned.

That's all! Have a great day.

[Arkhane]

Hello kawaiinekochama,

Let’s start with the last words of your demo.
It’s true that there is always room for improvement for everyone and everything, but don’t belittle you work this way.
You managed to have a working game with some nice art. The plot is interesting and to top it all there is also so music. This is far much more than many of us managed to pull out.

What I like :
The art… I am totally in love with that glassy water can. It’s soooooo cute :3
And the characters are nice too. Not only the art, but it’s nice to see that you defined deferent behaviors for the secondary characters. That they aren't here just for show.
The plot with animals coming back to keep you company is interesting.
I am wondering if you plan to make a route for the narrator. That poor soul seems so lonely, hiding behind the snarky remarks and rough behavior…

What I am not fond of :
The MC. Shy and sweet girls don’t have my preference, but that is a personal choice

What can be improved :
The writing.
There are different things that seem incoherent to me but that is not my place to tell you that it should be changed. That is your call to make.
Example : The girl is so shy that she doesn’t dare to mingle with people, but there, she is home with a bat ready to strike like some badass?! -> That is awkward, but once again, it’s your character, and maybe I’m the only one thinking it’s bizarre

So let’s get to the last part. English is not my mother tongue either, but there were so many things ticking me off that I couldn’t really enjoy the ride. I listed you nearly everything I found during the run of the first part of the story and Yuu’s one.

It’s my opinion. You can take or leave it, and maybe there are better ways to write it too.

I took a lot of screenshots, so I placed them in a zip. Don’t hesitate to look at each of them and the corresponding comment at the same time to see what I am talking about.
Many points are the same kind. I found a lot of :
- repetition of the same words
- “then”
- time reference giving you the impression that everything is in a rush or timed. Keep cool and breathe
- typos.

[…] : means keep the phrase as you wrote it before or after what I write
Let’s dig in for 90 screens.

Screen1 : I sit on the small bean bag cushion near the bay window and put both of my arms on the edge of the alcove
Screen2 : I hurriedly put on the dark brown vest and the black knee (socks?) before rushing towards the door.
Screen 3 : (->The lovely water can… I really like this glossy look… Well, let’s get back on track)
[…]came[…]
Screen4 : He is also the only one who has always been here for me, helped and supported me when I had no one else to turn to.
Screen5: it lacks commas
Screen6 : […]whenever he compliments or sits next to me.
Screen7 : […]You are not her boyfriend, so you don’t have you saying. This is between her and me.
Or -> […] How is it related to you? You too aren’t dating, are you? So mind your own business.
(-> Well something like this would be better)
Screen8 : comma missing
Screen9 : The girls try hard to quiet down the bickering guys.
Screen10 : I listen to their conversation as I wash my hands after mopping the floor.
Screen11 : I mutter to myself, trying to feel less lonely as I don’t feel confident enough to join their conversation. (-> I understand what you wrote, but I can’t seem to write it any better)
Screen12 : Yes, I need to change to go out and buy some groceries
Screen13 : He nods and his gaze drifts toward the four[…]
Screen14 : I leave the staff room uneasy as I feel his worried gaze following me.
Screen15 : […]my way outside.
Screen16 : Please don’t give up on Mina-san[…]
Screen17 : As I walk back home in a desert street, a voice I don’t recognize calls out to me. Startled, I look :
- at the other side of the street
- at the person coming towards me
- at the guy leaning against a wall
- at the guy stepping outside of the bush
- at the person coming from a side street.
(-> make your market to match what you were willing to say)
Screen18 : No one is on my trail yet, but it doesn’t mean that I am safe… I have to [...]
Screen19 : […]I end up falling asleep with the improvised weapon in hands.
Or -> […]I end up falling asleep with the improvised weapon within hands reach.
Screen20 : Even though, I am panicking and shifting like crazy in his arms, the strange boy is still sleeping like a log.
Screen21 : The guy head is laying on my stomach as if I am a body pillow.
or -> It seems that I’ve been classified as body pillow as his head is comfortably installed on my belly.
Screen22 : Suddenly the blanket slips off the bed making me lose balance
Screen23 : O-oh no no no nonooooooo
Screen24 : I end up dragging the man with me on the floor where we both lay.
Screen25 : (Ouch… Well…. At least he isn’t hugging me anymore… Let’s retreat somewhere safe)
Screen26 : […] and realize that it’s turned off. (Crap! Or -> Oh no! I’m doomed!)
Screen27 : My eyes meet the sleepy intruder’s gaze as I step back slowly toward the dining table (-> Why the dining table? Is there something that could help her?)
Or My eyes meet the sleepy intruder’s gaze as I step back slowly towards the door
Or My eyes meet the sleepy intruder’s gaze as I step back slowly trying to put as much distance as I can between me and him.
Screen28 : [..]are you the gift he talked about yesterday?
Or [..]is this the gift he told me about yesterday?
Screen29 : After sitting down, I stare at him a moment trying to discern something in his eyes. As I feel uneasy, I close mine :
- to calm down
- to think about the situation
- to gather my thoughts.
Screen30 : I pinch both of them as hard as I can, but it seems like everything is real.
Screen31 : (-> I don’t understand what you were willing to say so let’s try this).
[…]I appreciate your concern, but really […]
[…]I appreciate that you are worried about me, but really […]
Screen32 : I jolt in surprise. […]I’m still very uneasy (Or -> jumpy) with him around.
Screen33 : He takes a seat on the opposite side of the table and stares right at me.
Screen34 : […]cold sweat forms[…] (-> I am not sure about this one, but it seems better to have it singular and not plural)
Screen35 : Yuu’s face is emotionless. I can’t read anything. Without any further ado, the male slumps in the bed. (Hey! That bed is mine!)
Screen36 : I sigh and look outside
Screen37 : […] I can’t imagine leaving a stranger roaming in my apartment alone.
Screen38 : He looks at the book I hug tightly and then at my face which is red from embarrassment.
Screen39 : I prepare a plate with some rice and curry that I serve to Yuu
Screen40 : But it’s still lingering on my tongue.
Or -> but it’s still clinging to my tongue so hard that I wish I could rub it off.
Screen41 : As I observe him eating, I notice a strange habit of his. Instead of eating, he makes some sorting in his plate.
Screen42 : Yuu points the cake in the video as his eyes seem glued to the screen.
Screen43 : Yuu nods. It’s so cute( -> or strange or bizarre, select the best) to see him poking the screen as his eyes are shimmering ( or -> spewing stars all around him -> It’s quite strange written like this).
Screen44 : I blush as[…]
Screen45 : I can see his ears turning red.
Screen46 : As soon as I open the channel of my favorite uploader’s video, Yuu springs to life and focuses on the screen. It seems that the speaker’s voice attracts him.
Screen47 : Even if Yuu doesn’t acknowledge anything, I know that he heard by words. So as to give him some privacy, I exit on the balcony.
Screen48 : The question I ask to Raku seems to surprise him. His face turns red for a second before he clears his throat.
Screen49 : I bow to him and flee upstairs. When I glance down in the street, Raku is still here, standing in daze in front of the café. I can’t help but wonder what he is waiting for.
Screen50 : My gaze drifts to the soundly sleeping Yuu, helping me to soothe my emotions and putting them under control.
Screen51 : Once I am ready to sleep, I sink in the improvised bed and stare at the ceiling worrying about the pebble.
(-> That one is quite strange, because even though the girl is worried, we can’t say that she is really proactive to help Yuu finding it during the next days. As an example, instead of only “joking“ with her new friend, she could at least try to ask them about the bead. If she doesn’t manage it then Yuu can butt in, but at least she can try. When I read those passages, I was under the impression that in fact she didn’t really care about it.)
Screen52 : […]makes me feel[…]
Screen53 : I wake up completely stiff, giving me trouble to get up.
Screen54 : I knew that a sleeping bag wasn’t something comfy, but I would never have imagine that it would be this uncomfortable.
Screen55 : When I look at my bed, I am surprised to see that Yuu isn’t sleeping on it. In fact, he isn’t on it at all.
Screen56 : I say, almost crying.
Screen57 : After telling him to stay inside, or warn me if he wants to go outside, I make breakfast for two and get ready for work.
Screen58 : Yuu appears by my side as I am about to open the door startling me.
Screen59 : I hesitate a bit, but give up in front of his determined gaze.
Screen60 : After regaining my composure, I join him in the search of the pebble starting with the bushes.
Screen61 : Even though we spent the whole day looking for it, we only found rocks and uninteresting pebbles.
Screen62 : […]and places his hand on my head[…]
Screen63 : You did your best today, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Screen64 : As I am reading some blog posts, Yuu attracts my attention by tapping my shoulder.
Screen65 : I look at him stunned. This guy is quite the lunatic, isn’t he?
Screen66 : I bake the cookies at once when the dough is ready as I am afraid it would fail If the preparation waited too long. (-> Even if you wait, cookie dough is still usable, I even heard a chef saying that you can prepare a big quantity, make a roll out of it and put it in the fridge for a few days so that you can cut the desired amount of pieces at a time and always have freshly baked cookies.)
Screen67 : As I feel that someone is watching me, I look at my bed, where I was sure I would find Yuu. Indeed, he is looking at me even though his gaze seems lost somewhere far away from here.
Screen68 : Mr Nakamura’s smile is back, but instead of encouraging me, it makes me feel unsecure. I am so afraid of not being able to meet his expectations.
Screen69, 69bis, 69 ter: -> That is incoherent. It is said a few screens before that she went to bed only after writing things in her book and that she would rely on her luck to avoid failing… So either she trained… or she relies solely on her luck, but make a choice. She can also do both, but some screen have to be rewritten.
Screen70 : […]Mina-san, and it’s paying off.
Screen71 : […]makes[…]
Screen72 : We all vote for our favorite ideas and open the café with our new menu.
Screen73 : […]used[…]
Screen74 : […]liked[…]
Screen75 : […]charm[…] (-> I don’t understand what you were willing to say here. Being quiet is charming? Or the tiger hides his claws to look like a kitten?)
Screen76 : […]online and selected some ingredients, to make it special, and balanced the proportion of each components to make it tasty.
Screen77 : as I look my colleagues bickering.
Screen78 : I say softly not willing to bother Yuu who is watching television.
Screen79 : (Is he just too lazy to take it off or is he …)
Screen80 : When the meal is ready, I set the table which was the call Yuu was waiting for as he is coming towards me.
Screen81 : I blush as I shyly nod.
Screen82 : Yuu smiles softly to me as he pets my head.
Screen83 : […]silence. As I am still embarrassed, I avoid looking at Yuu and concentrate solely on my plate although I feel him stealing glances at me.
Screen84 : That’s a relief… I am still in the race / league (-> I don’t remember the good expression I was looking for)
Screen85 : He smiles at me, making my treacherous heart skip a beat.[…]
Screen86 : […]decide to depart home as it’s getting late.
Screen87 : As I look at the guys, I can see Raku staring intently at Yuu.
Screen88 : Then I’ll give it so much love that it won’t get mad at me ever again.
Or -> Then I’ll give it as much love as needed so that it stops getting mad at me.
Screen89 : I took her under my aisle and offered her a place to stay, an apartment on the second floor, as well as a job here at the café as she insisted on repaying me.
Screen90 : Maybe… I just gave her my thoughts. It’s her call to make to decide if she wants to follow my advices or not.
Or -> Maybe… I just gave her some advices. It’s up to her to decide if she wants to follow them or not.

That’s it for today

Good luck for the next steps

[kawaiinekochama]

Hello kawaiinekochama,

Let’s start with the last words of your demo.
It’s true that there is always room for improvement for everyone and everything, but don’t belittle you work this way.
You managed to have a working game with some nice art. The plot is interesting and to top it all there is also so music. This is far much more than many of us managed to pull out.

What I like :
The art… I am totally in love with that glassy water can. It’s soooooo cute :3
And the characters are nice too. Not only the art, but it’s nice to see that you defined deferent behaviors for the secondary characters. That they aren't here just for show.
The plot with animals coming back to keep you company is interesting.
I am wondering if you plan to make a route for the narrator. That poor soul seems so lonely, hiding behind the snarky remarks and rough behavior…

What I am not fond of :
The MC. Shy and sweet girls don’t have my preference, but that is a personal choice

What can be improved :
The writing.
There are different things that seem incoherent to me but that is not my place to tell you that it should be changed. That is your call to make.
Example : The girl is so shy that she doesn’t dare to mingle with people, but there, she is home with a bat ready to strike like some badass?! -> That is awkward, but once again, it’s your character, and maybe I’m the only one thinking it’s bizarre

So let’s get to the last part. English is not my mother tongue either, but there were so many things ticking me off that I couldn’t really enjoy the ride. I listed you nearly everything I found during the run of the first part of the story and Yuu’s one.

It’s my opinion. You can take or leave it, and maybe there are better ways to write it too.

I took a lot of screenshots, so I placed them in a zip. Don’t hesitate to look at each of them and the corresponding comment at the same time to see what I am talking about.
Many points are the same kind. I found a lot of :
- repetition of the same words
- “then”
- time reference giving you the impression that everything is in a rush or timed. Keep cool and breathe
- typos.

[…] : means keep the phrase as you wrote it before or after what I write
Let’s dig in for 90 screens.

Screen1 : I sit on the small bean bag cushion near the bay window and put both of my arms on the edge of the alcove
Screen2 : I hurriedly put on the dark brown vest and the black knee (socks?) before rushing towards the door.
Screen 3 : (->The lovely water can… I really like this glossy look… Well, let’s get back on track)
[…]came[…]
Screen4 : He is also the only one who has always been here for me, helped and supported me when I had no one else to turn to.
Screen5: it lacks commas
Screen6 : […]whenever he compliments or sits next to me.
Screen7 : […]You are not her boyfriend, so you don’t have you saying. This is between her and me.
Or -> […] How is it related to you? You too aren’t dating, are you? So mind your own business.
(-> Well something like this would be better)
Screen8 : comma missing
Screen9 : The girls try hard to quiet down the bickering guys.
Screen10 : I listen to their conversation as I wash my hands after mopping the floor.
Screen11 : I mutter to myself, trying to feel less lonely as I don’t feel confident enough to join their conversation. (-> I understand what you wrote, but I can’t seem to write it any better)
Screen12 : Yes, I need to change to go out and buy some groceries
Screen13 : He nods and his gaze drifts toward the four[…]
Screen14 : I leave the staff room uneasy as I feel his worried gaze following me.
Screen15 : […]my way outside.
Screen16 : Please don’t give up on Mina-san[…]
Screen17 : As I walk back home in a desert street, a voice I don’t recognize calls out to me. Startled, I look :
- at the other side of the street
- at the person coming towards me
- at the guy leaning against a wall
- at the guy stepping outside of the bush
- at the person coming from a side street.
(-> make your market to match what you were willing to say)
Screen18 : No one is on my trail yet, but it doesn’t mean that I am safe… I have to [...]
Screen19 : […]I end up falling asleep with the improvised weapon in hands.
Or -> […]I end up falling asleep with the improvised weapon within hands reach.
Screen20 : Even though, I am panicking and shifting like crazy in his arms, the strange boy is still sleeping like a log.
Screen21 : The guy head is laying on my stomach as if I am a body pillow.
or -> It seems that I’ve been classified as body pillow as his head is comfortably installed on my belly.
Screen22 : Suddenly the blanket slips off the bed making me lose balance
Screen23 : O-oh no no no nonooooooo
Screen24 : I end up dragging the man with me on the floor where we both lay.
Screen25 : (Ouch… Well…. At least he isn’t hugging me anymore… Let’s retreat somewhere safe)
Screen26 : […] and realize that it’s turned off. (Crap! Or -> Oh no! I’m doomed!)
Screen27 : My eyes meet the sleepy intruder’s gaze as I step back slowly toward the dining table (-> Why the dining table? Is there something that could help her?)
Or My eyes meet the sleepy intruder’s gaze as I step back slowly towards the door
Or My eyes meet the sleepy intruder’s gaze as I step back slowly trying to put as much distance as I can between me and him.
Screen28 : [..]are you the gift he talked about yesterday?
Or [..]is this the gift he told me about yesterday?
Screen29 : After sitting down, I stare at him a moment trying to discern something in his eyes. As I feel uneasy, I close mine :
- to calm down
- to think about the situation
- to gather my thoughts.
Screen30 : I pinch both of them as hard as I can, but it seems like everything is real.
Screen31 : (-> I don’t understand what you were willing to say so let’s try this).
[…]I appreciate your concern, but really […]
[…]I appreciate that you are worried about me, but really […]
Screen32 : I jolt in surprise. […]I’m still very uneasy (Or -> jumpy) with him around.
Screen33 : He takes a seat on the opposite side of the table and stares right at me.
Screen34 : […]cold sweat forms[…] (-> I am not sure about this one, but it seems better to have it singular and not plural)
Screen35 : Yuu’s face is emotionless. I can’t read anything. Without any further ado, the male slumps in the bed. (Hey! That bed is mine!)
Screen36 : I sigh and look outside
Screen37 : […] I can’t imagine leaving a stranger roaming in my apartment alone.
Screen38 : He looks at the book I hug tightly and then at my face which is red from embarrassment.
Screen39 : I prepare a plate with some rice and curry that I serve to Yuu
Screen40 : But it’s still lingering on my tongue.
Or -> but it’s still clinging to my tongue so hard that I wish I could rub it off.
Screen41 : As I observe him eating, I notice a strange habit of his. Instead of eating, he makes some sorting in his plate.
Screen42 : Yuu points the cake in the video as his eyes seem glued to the screen.
Screen43 : Yuu nods. It’s so cute( -> or strange or bizarre, select the best) to see him poking the screen as his eyes are shimmering ( or -> spewing stars all around him -> It’s quite strange written like this).
Screen44 : I blush as[…]
Screen45 : I can see his ears turning red.
Screen46 : As soon as I open the channel of my favorite uploader’s video, Yuu springs to life and focuses on the screen. It seems that the speaker’s voice attracts him.
Screen47 : Even if Yuu doesn’t acknowledge anything, I know that he heard by words. So as to give him some privacy, I exit on the balcony.
Screen48 : The question I ask to Raku seems to surprise him. His face turns red for a second before he clears his throat.
Screen49 : I bow to him and flee upstairs. When I glance down in the street, Raku is still here, standing in daze in front of the café. I can’t help but wonder what he is waiting for.
Screen50 : My gaze drifts to the soundly sleeping Yuu, helping me to soothe my emotions and putting them under control.
Screen51 : Once I am ready to sleep, I sink in the improvised bed and stare at the ceiling worrying about the pebble.
(-> That one is quite strange, because even though the girl is worried, we can’t say that she is really proactive to help Yuu finding it during the next days. As an example, instead of only “joking“ with her new friend, she could at least try to ask them about the bead. If she doesn’t manage it then Yuu can butt in, but at least she can try. When I read those passages, I was under the impression that in fact she didn’t really care about it.)
Screen52 : […]makes me feel[…]
Screen53 : I wake up completely stiff, giving me trouble to get up.
Screen54 : I knew that a sleeping bag wasn’t something comfy, but I would never have imagine that it would be this uncomfortable.
Screen55 : When I look at my bed, I am surprised to see that Yuu isn’t sleeping on it. In fact, he isn’t on it at all.
Screen56 : I say, almost crying.
Screen57 : After telling him to stay inside, or warn me if he wants to go outside, I make breakfast for two and get ready for work.
Screen58 : Yuu appears by my side as I am about to open the door startling me.
Screen59 : I hesitate a bit, but give up in front of his determined gaze.
Screen60 : After regaining my composure, I join him in the search of the pebble starting with the bushes.
Screen61 : Even though we spent the whole day looking for it, we only found rocks and uninteresting pebbles.
Screen62 : […]and places his hand on my head[…]
Screen63 : You did your best today, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Screen64 : As I am reading some blog posts, Yuu attracts my attention by tapping my shoulder.
Screen65 : I look at him stunned. This guy is quite the lunatic, isn’t he?
Screen66 : I bake the cookies at once when the dough is ready as I am afraid it would fail If the preparation waited too long. (-> Even if you wait, cookie dough is still usable, I even heard a chef saying that you can prepare a big quantity, make a roll out of it and put it in the fridge for a few days so that you can cut the desired amount of pieces at a time and always have freshly baked cookies.)
Screen67 : As I feel that someone is watching me, I look at my bed, where I was sure I would find Yuu. Indeed, he is looking at me even though his gaze seems lost somewhere far away from here.
Screen68 : Mr Nakamura’s smile is back, but instead of encouraging me, it makes me feel unsecure. I am so afraid of not being able to meet his expectations.
Screen69, 69bis, 69 ter: -> That is incoherent. It is said a few screens before that she went to bed only after writing things in her book and that she would rely on her luck to avoid failing… So either she trained… or she relies solely on her luck, but make a choice. She can also do both, but some screen have to be rewritten.
Screen70 : […]Mina-san, and it’s paying off.
Screen71 : […]makes[…]
Screen72 : We all vote for our favorite ideas and open the café with our new menu.
Screen73 : […]used[…]
Screen74 : […]liked[…]
Screen75 : […]charm[…] (-> I don’t understand what you were willing to say here. Being quiet is charming? Or the tiger hides his claws to look like a kitten?)
Screen76 : […]online and selected some ingredients, to make it special, and balanced the proportion of each components to make it tasty.
Screen77 : as I look my colleagues bickering.
Screen78 : I say softly not willing to bother Yuu who is watching television.
Screen79 : (Is he just too lazy to take it off or is he …)
Screen80 : When the meal is ready, I set the table which was the call Yuu was waiting for as he is coming towards me.
Screen81 : I blush as I shyly nod.
Screen82 : Yuu smiles softly to me as he pets my head.
Screen83 : […]silence. As I am still embarrassed, I avoid looking at Yuu and concentrate solely on my plate although I feel him stealing glances at me.
Screen84 : That’s a relief… I am still in the race / league (-> I don’t remember the good expression I was looking for)
Screen85 : He smiles at me, making my treacherous heart skip a beat.[…]
Screen86 : […]decide to depart home as it’s getting late.
Screen87 : As I look at the guys, I can see Raku staring intently at Yuu.
Screen88 : Then I’ll give it so much love that it won’t get mad at me ever again.
Or -> Then I’ll give it as much love as needed so that it stops getting mad at me.
Screen89 : I took her under my aisle and offered her a place to stay, an apartment on the second floor, as well as a job here at the café as she insisted on repaying me.
Screen90 : Maybe… I just gave her my thoughts. It’s her call to make to decide if she wants to follow my advices or not.
Or -> Maybe… I just gave her some advices. It’s up to her to decide if she wants to follow them or not.

That’s it for today

Good luck for the next steps

Heya! Thanks for the review! I really like how brutal you are with your review. Actually, I'm currently reading back the scripts and re-writing most of them.

I appreciate that you like my art. I'm still improving. For the MC, yeah I do make her to be a shy and sweet girl but... I think its too plain and boring which I think that's what you think too haha. I really don't like shy MC too but I want her to have some twists like what you pointed out.

As for the writing..... yeah..... I know its god awful. I sincerely know that I use too many "then"s in my writing but I just leave it since I want to revise everything and re-write things that I don't like/ mistakes like what you pointed out. Usually I consult to my friend but both of us now have jobs so its pretty hard for me to write and focus on this game while to ask her to help me. I want to have someone to proofread my scripts but I don't have that much money on me and I don't want people to work for free. I appreciate your suggestion. I will try to improve my writing and hopefully I won't drop this project haha.

Have a good day!

[Arkhane]

Hello,

If you think it's brutal, then it's better you never read my comments without sugar coating
But you are not wrong, I admit that i am quite the direct person.

For proof reading, don't hesitate to post on the forum the last version of your game. Who knows, people with free time might come and give you a hand.
I am also curious to see the change you brought.

Have a nice day/evening/night depending on where you are on this Earth