PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!]

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HSelf
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PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!]

#1 Post by HSelf »

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After receiving a weird mail consisting of nothing more than an unknown address, Michael—who’s
normally so indifferent and placid—finds himself mysteriously and almost unconsciously drawn to it.
So much so that he decided to ditch afternoon classes in order to follow a lead that probably doesn’t even exist.

But what was at first ‘probably not even worth the effort’ degenerated quite rapidly into something
much more significant than that. Indeed, now here he stands, in the middle of a room somehow nostalgic yet
so creepy no one would ever feel compelled to connect it with their own memories. This dark, eerie
room… Full of birthday decorations even though the building has long since been deserted. His
birthday party from seven years ago, recreated almost to the perfection. Its sole purpose?
Making him remember that night... That night when he lost his entire self, and all of his memories.

The night of his parents’ murders.

And as though this situation wasn’t already enough, a Voice, mechanical and almost joyful,
proclaims from the other side of the line to be the one behind it all. It continues on with
nonsensical words, one after the other. Things Michael doesn’t even comprehend. But he does catch
the Voice’s parting words. The Voice’s threat. Something about the importance of his friends, and
to what length he needs to go in order to save them.

This is the story of a young man who’s desperately trying to cut himself out of the world surrounding him,
and the choice he’s ultimately forced to make in order to save the few friends he has.
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Or on mega for the PC /Mac version!
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- 300,000+ words (25+ hours~ of gameplay)
- 25+ CGs
- 25+ custom backgrounds, and 20+ more 'generic' ones
- 7+ endings
- A true route
- Original soundtrack
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Progress:
Scenario: 88%
Sprites: Main Characters: 6/6, Side Characters: 1/???
Background: ???
CG: 8%
Programming: 4%
Music: 15%
GUI: 90%
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Writer: HSelf
Programmer: HSelf
Sprite: Gato Hayakawa
Background: Vui Huynh / minikle
CGs: Winnetou – AD / Prophosphere
Miscellaneous: Velm
Music: Emmanuel Turpin
Questions:
- Does the story sounds interesting to you?
- Do you like the art style?
- About choices in visual novels in general. Do you prefer having lots of choices, but more meaningless ones (skipping insignificant events/changing some dialogues)?
Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)?
Or maybe a mix of them both, which might give the illusion of a more concrete experience?
- Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed?
While I tend to be more minimalist on those kinds of things, some might prefer a more tangible approach.
- Any suggestion/critic/commentary? Anything would be helpful.
Last edited by HSelf on Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:18 pm, edited 18 times in total.

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#2 Post by HSelf »

Updated the synopsis in order to convey the story a little bit better.

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#3 Post by hoihoisoi »

Does the story sounds interesting to you?
I've always been a fan of mystery/crime VNs, and reading through the plot of it, it feels like you're going for that clean modern day crime thriller feel. So far, it looks to be promising, I dig that kinda vibe.

Do you like the art style?
The art looks really well done, the characters and background showcased so far look pretty. Can't say I have any issue with it since I like the anime-ish look and feel.

About choices in visual novels in general. Do you prefer having lots of choices, but more meaningless ones (skipping insignificant events/changing some dialogues)? Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)? Or maybe a mix of them both, which might give the illusion of a more concrete experience?
I'm more of a Kinetic Novel player, so I don't really usually play games with too many choices being thrown around. But as long as the choices matter/is meaningful, I think it can become a great asset to the game. I do enjoy having a true route though even if you have a lot of choices and endings. It always feels more satisfying knowing that the entire thing is wrapped up with a 'canon' ending in the end.


Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed? While I tend to be more minimalist on those kinds of things, some might prefer a more tangible approach.
I'm not sure what I can offer here, but with what limited information you can convey in a post like this, it's hard to form a well rounded picture of each character/the scenario and what you're going for. (Even I'm struggling with that) Selling your story from a short 2 to 3 paragraphs is going to be hard. Personally, I think starting up a blog to give people a run down of certain details about your character which will be on the lengthier side can help in that department. At least it covers a bit more content which you'll find hard to convey from just what limited space you have on the introductory note.

Any suggestion/critic/commentary? Anything would be helpful.
Nothing that comes off the top of my head at once. But instead, have you ever played 'Kara no Shoujo' before?. As a mystery/crime VN, I think it's a really good reference when you're adjusting the script/writing style/atmosphere of the game. Just food for thought.

Well, good luck with your VN! Hope it comes out looking good! :D
Current Active Project:
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[Mystery, Comedy, Drama]
[Kinetic Novel]

Check it out by clicking on the siggy above!

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#4 Post by HSelf »

hoihoisoi wrote:Does the story sounds interesting to you?
I've always been a fan of mystery/crime VNs, and reading through the plot of it, it feels like you're going for that clean modern day crime thriller feel. So far, it looks to be promising, I dig that kinda vibe.

Do you like the art style?
The art looks really well done, the characters and background showcased so far look pretty. Can't say I have any issue with it since I like the anime-ish look and feel.

About choices in visual novels in general. Do you prefer having lots of choices, but more meaningless ones (skipping insignificant events/changing some dialogues)? Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)? Or maybe a mix of them both, which might give the illusion of a more concrete experience?
I'm more of a Kinetic Novel player, so I don't really usually play games with too many choices being thrown around. But as long as the choices matter/is meaningful, I think it can become a great asset to the game. I do enjoy having a true route though even if you have a lot of choices and endings. It always feels more satisfying knowing that the entire thing is wrapped up with a 'canon' ending in the end.


Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed? While I tend to be more minimalist on those kinds of things, some might prefer a more tangible approach.
I'm not sure what I can offer here, but with what limited information you can convey in a post like this, it's hard to form a well rounded picture of each character/the scenario and what you're going for. (Even I'm struggling with that) Selling your story from a short 2 to 3 paragraphs is going to be hard. Personally, I think starting up a blog to give people a run down of certain details about your character which will be on the lengthier side can help in that department. At least it covers a bit more content which you'll find hard to convey from just what limited space you have on the introductory note.

Any suggestion/critic/commentary? Anything would be helpful.
Nothing that comes off the top of my head at once. But instead, have you ever played 'Kara no Shoujo' before?. As a mystery/crime VN, I think it's a really good reference when you're adjusting the script/writing style/atmosphere of the game. Just food for thought.

Well, good luck with your VN! Hope it comes out looking good! :D
Thanks for the great inputs! And yes, as a matter of fact I did read both Cartagra and the two Kara no Shoujo. Still, I'm not sure that my work can be called similar to those since they are more of a crime/detective story, while mine is more of a thriller/'mind game.' Still, I hope you can enjoy the read nonetheless. :)

Oh, and cool pic by the way ;)

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#5 Post by HSelf »

Updated the first post with a bit more info, and here is a sprite of one of the side characters.

Image

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#6 Post by MarkusLappalainen »

The story does sound interesting; suspenceful setting and good cliff hanger premise, me thinks at least. I understand the minimalism with introductions and everything, it keeps the mystery up but a little more elaboration would be nice. Think of the first page of a book.

Regarding the art it looks great, no complaints there. I just wish, that people would make VNs with more western style :) that is just a personal preference so it doesnt mean there is something wrong with this.

With choises, if they are few, make them meaningful. If they are many, make a variety.

That is my ten cents on the matter :)
Have a happy day! 8)
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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#7 Post by HSelf »

MarkusLappalainen wrote: Thu Jul 27, 2017 5:52 am The story does sound interesting; suspenceful setting and good cliff hanger premise, me thinks at least. I understand the minimalism with introductions and everything, it keeps the mystery up but a little more elaboration would be nice. Think of the first page of a book.

Regarding the art it looks great, no complaints there. I just wish, that people would make VNs with more western style :) that is just a personal preference so it doesnt mean there is something wrong with this.

With choises, if they are few, make them meaningful. If they are many, make a variety.

That is my ten cents on the matter :)
Thanks for the tips! I really appreciate it. And western style does interest me greatly, but I also feel that it is kind of a gamble when we think of visual novels in general. I'll certainly think about it for future releases, but since this is my first one, I wanna make sure it has all the chances it can get.

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama]

#8 Post by MarkusLappalainen »

You are welcome! :) Making novels with manga/anime graphics is a safe move — and makes sense — since a majority of consumers are attracted by the style. I was into it too once upon a time. Then I became a lame adult I guess :D Anyhow, good luck with the production!
Have a happy day! 8)
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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [Demo OUT!]

#9 Post by HSelf »

The demo is now available! Please give us your feedbacks!

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!]

#10 Post by HSelf »

Uploaded the music of the demo. The link can be found in the description!

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!]

#11 Post by HSelf »

Updated the progress tab, and here is one of the newly made CGs.



Image

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!]

#12 Post by HSelf »

PRologue is now live on kickstarter! Any feedback and support would be appreciated. Thank you!

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!][Kickstarter]

#13 Post by HSelf »

More than 15% has already been funded on kickstarter with still 25 days to go! Added the teaser on the first post, as well as more links to download the demo.

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!][Kickstarter]

#14 Post by Zelan »

- Does the story sound interesting to you?: Yes. I'm not always a fan of thriller stories, but the more personal element to this one has my attention.
- Do you like the art style?: I agree with Markus that the art is nice but I like seeing VNs with art styles other than anime. Still, I usually look at the story first and the art second, so this doesn't stop me from being interested. c:
- About choices in visual novels in general. Do you prefer having lots of choices, but more meaningless ones (skipping insignificant events/changing some dialogues)?
Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)?
Or maybe a mix of them both, which might give the illusion of a more concrete experience?: My personal opinion is that choices are best that directly impact the story. However, it is probably a good idea to have a mix of both. There are a lot of people who like details like that, changing dialogue and such.
- Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed?: I think it's done very well, actually. You've set up the very beginning for us, and the problems that Michael will face, without spoiling anything that comes after that. It grabbed my attention and I think that it will interest others as well.

I do think you should look into finding a proofreader, as there are several mistakes in your post and in the character descriptions.

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Re: PRologue [Mystery] [Psychological] [Drama] [DEMO!][Kickstarter]

#15 Post by HSelf »

Zelan wrote: Sat Sep 09, 2017 9:32 pm - Does the story sound interesting to you?: Yes. I'm not always a fan of thriller stories, but the more personal element to this one has my attention.
- Do you like the art style?: I agree with Markus that the art is nice but I like seeing VNs with art styles other than anime. Still, I usually look at the story first and the art second, so this doesn't stop me from being interested. c:
- About choices in visual novels in general. Do you prefer having lots of choices, but more meaningless ones (skipping insignificant events/changing some dialogues)?
Or do you prefer having a restricted amount of choices, but more meaningful (which branches the story)?
Or maybe a mix of them both, which might give the illusion of a more concrete experience?: My personal opinion is that choices are best that directly impact the story. However, it is probably a good idea to have a mix of both. There are a lot of people who like details like that, changing dialogue and such.
- Do you have any tips or advice to give regarding the summary/character descriptions? Or do you feel that the premise of the story is well conveyed?: I think it's done very well, actually. You've set up the very beginning for us, and the problems that Michael will face, without spoiling anything that comes after that. It grabbed my attention and I think that it will interest others as well.

I do think you should look into finding a proofreader, as there are several mistakes in your post and in the character descriptions.
Thanks a lot! Your feedback are really insightful. For the proofreader, it's a bit complicated, even more so with a 300K story. I've still edited the post as I've seen quite some embarrassing mistakes and awkward wordings. Hope it's a bit better.

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