Page 1 of 1

Melody of a Heartbeat [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2017 6:50 pm
by Jaskie
Forelsket-The euphoria of falling in love

Once, Elizabeth had been brought to the sea. Young and exuberant, she had crashed through the surf, laughing, picking up rocks and hurling them as far as her tubby arms could reach. She also remembered reaching down for a perfectly round pebble-and being unprepared for the wave that hurtled down on her, lifting her off her feet and slamming her into the beach, breathless and bruised.
The memories that hurtled through her mind were like that now, with the same feeling of helplessness as she was unable to stop the swell, except now Elizabeth was old and worn, and she couldn't go to her father and make him wipe the tears off her face.

-an excerpt from the story

Elizabeth Raymond is a sixty year old woman reminiscing about time gone by, with a cool relationship with her husband and a listless life. While at a party, she accidentally begins to play a song she wrote when she was young and in love returning her in her memories to the glitz and glamour of the 1920s as a beautiful 22 year old whose only worry in life was the day's entertainment, before the shadow of the Depression fell, and no one was left unscathed.
With the choice between four characters (two male, two female), Elizabeth will have a whirlwind romance that has the passion to last a lifetime-or, at least until the Depression hits, leaving behind only memories and a song she never played for them

Although technically the 1960s when the game starts, you play as her in the 1920s.

Characters. The art we have here is just concept by me (the writer) and a different style, but we wanted to put something down! Rest assured it will be updated soon!
Elizabeth Grace Raymond (nee Brown): The titular character, her life seems to revolve simply around the latest fashion or gossip. Her entire life spent under her parents’ cool disregard for each other, her view of love is dim. However, she is an incredibly gifted piano player.
Mildred "Millie" Grayson: A sweet girl who embodies the flapper ideal, she is a freewheeling suffragette with a big heart. She loves to dance and have fun. Winning her heart is the easiest. Convincing her that she loves you is a good deal harder.
Nadia Reeves: A telephone operator and artist who works primarily in oils and charcoal, she loves to create-and has decided on Elizabeth as her newest muse. She has passion for living on the edge, and brings life to whatever she touches.
Frank Allen: A widower and working at a factory, his primary motivation in life is to give his two sons the life he never had. He's plain spoken and blunt to a fault.
Walter Raymond: An arranged husband in all but name, he is a collected and intelligent man who does his duty.

Each character will have a "Bittersweet" end and "Hopeful" end. The Hopeful end is the same as the bittersweet, except with the addition of an epilogue.

If you've been willing to read this, we have a few questions if you wouldn't mind answering them! This game is made by two of us, one writing and the other drawing and programming, so progress will be slow!
1.Does the setting sound good to you? The plot?
2. How do the romances sound?
3. Would you play this game? Why or why not?

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:28 am
by gekiganwing
Jaskie wrote:
Fri Sep 08, 2017 6:50 pm
With a necklace at the heart of her longing, she returns in her memories to the glitz and glamour of the 1920s as a beautiful 22 year old whose only worry in life was the day's entertainment, before the shadow of the Depression fell, and no one was left unscathed.
I like the premise, but I have a couple of small concerns.

1. "The past is a foreign country." Think about how you'll portray how the first world / anglosphere was about ninety years ago. How familiar will the setting seem? What aspects of the world will seem unusual?

Be sure to do enough research so that there are no factual errors. At the same time, remember that you're writing a story.

2. The setting might be enhanced if it doesn't seem like Anytown, US (or Canada). Think about whether the story should take place in a specific region or city. If you let it occur in a specific place, then make sure that the city exudes a distinct personality.
Jaskie wrote:
Fri Sep 08, 2017 6:50 pm
The titular character, her personality is determined by you. You can play as any personality to romance any character.
Does the reader determine the protagonist's personality through choices? Or will the reader be able to shape her personality through statistics or another form of gameplay?

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:32 am
by Jaskie
Hi! Thanks for commenting.

To address your concerns, I've been researching New York City for the 1920s, and upon further consideration, I believe that it will be set there and will be referenced in-game. I was always thinking "big city" but now we've decided the big apple itself! We're actually planning that different routes will give different looks into the gilded age-one route may take you through the big life and parties, while another will take you more through the seedier sides of New York of 90 years ago. Hopefully, it will have plenty of personality :)

As it's our first visual novel, it'll be through choices. When our coder is more confident in their abilities, we might write something with statistics, however at this point in time we aren't sure we could deal with writing a full length novel while simultaneously learning how to code statistics.

Again, thank you for taking the time out of your day to help us with this! We appreciate it.

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:54 am
by Jain
I'm interested. So far it seems like the time period isn't one that is visited often, so I'm definitely up for that!

Romance-wise, I think I'd have to hear a bit more about the characters, but I'm definitely interested in learning more from what has been given so far.

I would definitely play this, although one thing that gives me pause is the frame set-up for the narrative. Elizabeth Peters has "The Amelia Peabody" series, where several of the books are shown to be one of the main character's memoirs, and one of those books starts with a Foreword from the editor that basically goes, "Yep, the cast is all dead and gone, as time has indeed marched on, but enjoy this tale from happier times" which sorta imbues the story with a melancholy air from the outset for me. Maybe it's just me but I always have trouble shaking that feeling off.

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 4:13 pm
by Jaskie
Hi, thanks for your comment! Yeah, I think the 1920s are totally underused time period-the aesthetic is lovely of course, but it was also an era of fun and change. Women's fashion and their role in society changed, Prohibition was in full swing but nobody listened to it lol. I just think it's fascinating.

I'll totally add more information about the characters as the story develops.

Yeah, it was meant to be more of a reminiscing over times gone by (although characters, as they are in mid sixties, are not dead)-however, it has become clear over the course of writing the story, that I am rather bad at sad stories lol. I'm not sure if it's a spoiler, but as long as you play your cards right, at the end there is a chance for reconciliation, so it will end on a more hopeful note.

Thank you again!

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2017 10:33 pm
by Zelan
First of all, it's super unique that the protagonist is an older character, even though the majority of the game has you playing her in her younger days. I hope that you have at least a sprite for her; it's cool to see some characters who aren't teenagers or adults in their early twenties.

The 1920's is a fantastic setting, especially that comment about prohibition, haha. I recently read a book (The Steep and Thorny Way by Cat Winters) which took place in Oregon in the 1920s, which I absolutely loved, so it'll be awesome to read another story from that time period.

I love your writing style - that excerpt about Elizabeth at the beach is really well-written, and the metaphor is perfect and doesn't feel the least bit forced.

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 3:05 pm
by Jaskie
Hi! Thank you so much for commenting, it was such a nice thing to say!
Yep, actually all five of them will have older sprites. She'll also have choices that will change how the game ends while in the 1960s. If the story does well and my inspiration continues, we were planning on a sequel, "The Road to Reconciliation." It will quite obviously be about reconciliation :) and would have a more mature theme. We'll see though.

It's funny you should mention Cat Winters but I actually have read In the Shadows of Blackbirds, and the influenza outbreak of 1918 actually has a role in the story in Frank's route! It was actually due to that book, so it's a great coincidence :D. Normally paranomal books terrify me, but I took a chance on that one because my friends were raving about it-it paid off!

Thank you so much, that comment made my day! Hopefully the rest of the story will also be up to par.

Again, I really appreciate your kind words!

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 3:15 pm
by Zelan
:o Oh, now way!! That's so funny that you took some inspiration from Cat Winters. I was planning on looking into her other books but I hadn't realized that she had another from the same time period. I'll definitely look into In the Shadows of Blackbirds, and I would highly recommend that you read The Steep and Thorny Way if you haven't already.

It's always risky to start thinking about sequels when the first game isn't out yet, but I hope that it does well so that we can see that sequel! ^_^ I'd love to read a VN with an older cast of characters, and I also LOVE the idea of reconciliation after a long time fighting and/or apart.

Re: Forelsket [Short] [Romance] [G/B or G/G] [Noncommercial] [WIP]

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 3:44 pm
by Jaskie
Yep! I was so surprised-outside of a couple people I don't think I know anyone who has read Cat Winters! Yeah, I'd totally recommend In the Shadows of Blackbirds-it has this lovely feel and fantastic plot. I've looked up a bit of The Steep and Thorny and it sounds fascinating! I'll totally check out.
Lol that's's more of a half baked idea then anything!