Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

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bobconway
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] WIP

#31 Post by bobconway » Wed Jun 27, 2018 12:03 pm

This is glorious and it makes my eyes bleed.

Nit-picky notes:
- I hate when games start fullscreen. Any chance of changing it to start windowed?
- The font is a little hard to read at times... I think the kerning is a little weird with certain characters, and maybe the periods are too small. But it does fit the asthetic well, so *shrug*
- "(Turns out people were staring. And pointing." sentence is missing a closing )
- "I thought I might be starting to feel myself again," should maybe be "feel like myself again"
- "No one would ever mistaken me for Papa-Bear. / I thought slyly to myself." seems a little redundant, because basically everything is Aki's internal monologueing.
- That said, mildly bothers me that there's no distinction between Aki's thoughts and his narration of the scenes/story. You could make the argument that everything is monologueing because he's explaining things to the player, but there is somewhat of a difference between the above line and normal narration. You could maybe do the same text color change (black vs white) you have for dialogue vs thoughts/narration? Or maybe it doesn't actually matter.
- "Underwear draped onto the AC unit and..." isn't a complete sentence. Since it continues from the previous sentence, maybe "..." at the beginning?
- "Besides relax, I didn't mean it in a bad way" probably wants a , or ...
- "That was really sweet of him, I thought to myself." Same note as above
- OMG Aki's face when Tamaki shows up at the door
- Meta game conversation <3
- Shinobu butterfly face!
- Aki's sleeping is adorable

Anyway, this is looking great already and I'm looking forward to the full game!
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] WIP

#32 Post by illuminate001 » Wed Jun 27, 2018 9:57 pm

Hey Bob! Heh, I'm glad but also totally surprised that you got to try the demo out with your crazy work schedule. (Trust me guys, I've worked with Bob enough on Xenopathy to know his stories :P )

Anyways, thanks for the feedback and although yes there were errors, I'm glad you liked the demo so far. I'm tempted to ask you if you could be a proofreader when the game is done, cause that would seriously help...but I also know how busy you are. It's ok, I have 1 proofreader lined up in EliteKilljoy, so I think we'll be able to catch everything on release.

For the demo I probably won't make the fixes you suggested, but I most definitely will for the full version. I agree that the most glaring issue is the treatment of Aki's internal dialog/narration, but I *think* know how how I'll fix and will proceed with that going forward. :D
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#33 Post by ParrotWatcher » Thu Jun 28, 2018 3:00 am

I've also tried the game and enjoyed it quite a bit. There are quite a few things it does that I'd hate in a serious work (I mean, Omegaverse just to start with), but the parody is obvious enough that it works in the game's favour. :)

Regarding the characters, I don't really like Ren, even as a parody, but the others (including Aki himself) all work pretty well. Shinobu, especially, is adorable (although I'm still worried by the "Mr Hyde" line in his description...)

Anyway, it's a good start, and I wish you luck with the rest of it (and, indeed, your new job). :)

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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#34 Post by Ertal77 » Fri Jun 29, 2018 11:56 am

I played the demo the moment I got the notification from itchio, but forgot to comment on it! :oops:

Things I liked:
-the omegaverse parody (first time ever I see omegaverse out of fanfiction and doujinshis!) and, in general, all the parodic yaoi tropes.
-the characters (ALL of them, yes!)

Things that I neither liked or disliked:
-the colorful backgrounds. The animations are great, but those bright colors hurt my eyes after a while XDDD I must admit they fit the theme, though!

Things I disliked:
-the music. One minute into the game and I was already searching for the mute button lol I know it's on purpose, but hahaha!! my poor ears!
-what Bob commented, the confusion between narration and dialogue. It would be as simple as putting the namebox only when a character talks, and hiding it when it's the narrator talking or the MC thinking.

Anyway, I'll be watching this VN and cheering you on until the full release, of course! I need to know how it ends!
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#35 Post by Dovahkitteh » Thu Jul 05, 2018 8:54 am

Gave it a try a couple days ago! Well done so far :D

Awesome points:
> Ren and Shinobu <3 Best boys. Especially Ren.
> The dialogue was hilarious when Aki went into heat, ahahah
> I quite liked the overall neon-y aesthetic (although see color comment below)
> ANIMATED BACKGROUNDS! I LOVE THEM!
> Overall it's a really fun, silly caper so far, and the cliffhanger ending really made me wanting to read more!

Slightly less awesome points:
> The colors were a bit eye-bleedy for the main menu and some of the BGs
> I'd echo Ertal's comment on music, it was rather grating at times XD
> Would also note what Bob pointed out about there being no distinction between narration and dialogue, a tad confusing

Can't wait to see more!
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#36 Post by illuminate001 » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:11 pm

Hey all,

Thanks for your comments and for all the latest comments @ParrotWatcher, Ertal and DovahKitten! (There isn't an emoji on this forums that can express how awesome this is, so I'll leave it at this one lol: :lol: )

Ok so in general I totally get the feedback. What was most important to me was that the humor, attitude and overall likability of the cast and it's story shone through despite whatever literary troubles the game has so far. Part of me wants to fix it in the demo RIGHT this second but I think I'll let that happen at once when I move forward to complete the game. This is mainly cause finding and staying in my groove is really important when writing.

Actually the narrator VS inner dialogue is a big problem I had when I first started writing LMA. You'll notice I solve that problem and the writing gets more confident from the demo to the final and as the story itself progresses along. Shoot, I thought I had nailed it but it seems I haven't fully found my author voice yet...or again. ^_^; No worries though, it shall be fixed in the final as best I can.

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Also, just wanted to ask you guys in general...is the music grating cause its ChipTune which some don't like? Or is it, some of you enjoy ChipTune but did NOT like the particular ChipTunes used so far? I do know what you mean thus far about ChipTune being alittle annoying, I find the overall sound/pitch quality itself can be alittle high. I'd recommend turning down the music if it just pricks your eardrums in the wrong way.
Last edited by illuminate001 on Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#37 Post by illuminate001 » Sat Jul 07, 2018 4:13 pm

Oh also! I have 1 possibly 2 proofreaders slated for SexyLitter right now...but if anyone would like to volunteer, I'd be happy to have you!

I'm certain the game won't have a word-count as lengthy as LMA so if you're up for a light (proof)read, this could be the one.
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#38 Post by illuminate001 » Mon Jul 30, 2018 2:13 am

Hey all,

No visual update to accompany this post, however I wanted to let LS Forumers know that Sexy Litter is well on it's way to being completed soon. The main improvement being...I've found my literary voice regarding how Aki will do his narration and/vs his inner thoughts!

This has been a point of contention with early players of the demo, but I found my "narration muse" for SL while watching "Clueless" a few weeks ago.

You'll notice in the final product that Aki's narration style is very "Dear Diary". A combination of both inner thoughts and trying to paint a picture to some sort of voyeur. I think the initial problem (in the demo) was not how narration and inner thoughts weren't distinguished visually (via UI) but more so how the actual narration was stiffly written and didn't go in-hand with the inner thoughts.

I went back and rewrote a bunch of lines across the demo and made sure I maintained the same narration treatment throughout the rest of the game. So hope you guys like it! :oops:
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#39 Post by Red-Baby » Mon Jul 30, 2018 3:07 am

Just finished the demo!

I love the visuals, although the colours kind of hurt my eyes haha.

But the music is quirky and sets the tone well. I love Aki's facial expressions, they're hilarious. The script is fun and easy to read.
At the moment my favourite is Gou, I love the playful type XD

Can't wait for the full release!!

Keep up the great work!

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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#40 Post by illuminate001 » Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:52 am

Red-Baby wrote:
Mon Jul 30, 2018 3:07 am
Just finished the demo!

I love the visuals, although the colours kind of hurt my eyes haha.

But the music is quirky and sets the tone well. I love Aki's facial expressions, they're hilarious. The script is fun and easy to read.
At the moment my favourite is Gou, I love the playful type XD

Can't wait for the full release!!

Keep up the great work!
Hey RedBaby, Aww, Im so glad you liked the Demo! Heh, if I had a dollar for every persons eyes I made bleed with these colors...lol

Gou is ABSOLUTELY my favorite, and although Tama is the canon-love interest, I'll be honest, I ended up very much wishing I had made Gou the main man instead. His route, I think, is one of the most heartfelt.

Alsssooo...the Full Version is Out! I'm going to leave an update post here in 3...2...1...
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#41 Post by illuminate001 » Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:53 am

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I didn't think it'd be possible, but somehow we pulled it out our asses and completed the full version of SEXY LITTER in time for the last day of YaoiJam2018! We are sooo happy and hope you enjoy it very much!

You can download the full version of SEXY LITTER for $7 at https://soulsoftea.itch.io/sexylitter and if you liked it, please support us by following us on itch.io and leave comments here or on the SEXY LITTER download page.

Thank yooouuu >_<
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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#42 Post by ParrotWatcher » Tue Jul 31, 2018 2:11 pm

illuminate001 wrote:
Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:52 am
Gou is ABSOLUTELY my favorite, and although Tama is the canon-love interest, I'll be honest, I ended up very much wishing I had made Gou the main man instead. His route, I think, is one of the most heartfelt.
Does there have to be a canon love interest? It seems a bit pointless unless you're writing a novelisation (are you? :shock:) or I guess a sequel.

Anyway, congratulations on the full release! I look forward to playing it when I get the time. :)

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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#43 Post by Red-Baby » Tue Jul 31, 2018 6:02 pm

illuminate001 wrote:
Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:53 am
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I didn't think it'd be possible, but somehow we pulled it out our asses and completed the full version of SEXY LITTER in time for the last day of YaoiJam2018! We are sooo happy and hope you enjoy it very much!

You can download the full version of SEXY LITTER for $7 at https://soulsoftea.itch.io/sexylitter and if you liked it, please support us by following us on itch.io and leave comments here or on the SEXY LITTER download page.

Thank yooouuu >_<
YASSS!!!
Congrats on releasing this in time for Yaoi Jam!
I'll need to download the full game tonight. Yayayayayaya!

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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#44 Post by Zelan » Tue Jul 31, 2018 6:30 pm

Congratulations on finishing, Illuminate! It's super impressive that you finished the full game in about 5 months, especially considering that you had your attention divided during Yaoi Jam. c:

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Re: Sexy Litter [BxB, BL, Parody, School, Omegaverse, 18+] DEMO

#45 Post by illuminate001 » Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:19 pm

@Redbaby - OMG yes! Please do and let us know what you think! >_< Tbh, SexyLitter has been doing well, but perhaps due to it's lighthearted and unpolarizing nature (unlike LMA), it hasn't gotten as many reviews yet. (It has only been 3 days though lol, so maybe I just need to calm the heck down hehe)

Also, unlike LMA, this time we didn't go to 4Chan and other really dark places on the internet in order to do promos.

@Zelan - Ikr! I was just telling Dovah how surprised I was too! Tbh, I expected to be burnt out from working on Xenos, but oddly it gave me this great push and motivation to continue working and pound away at Sexy Litter. Originally I had estimated SL to be done around late fall, based on how slow I was going. Then as I worked on Xenos, I felt energized and my passion for VN's jumped again, and I was like "I'm enjoying Xenos so much, why the heck aren't I putting this kind of love into my (our) own VN's?!". And thus, Sexy Litter was completed. ^_^
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