17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

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YaminoOkami
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17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#1 Post by YaminoOkami »

This is a VN I had been working on for close to a year, and considering it is close to completion I thought it is about time I officially announce it.

Story
Long time ago Gods come into this world and created a certain beings in it. For a time Gods lived alongside those beings, guiding them and teaching them wonders of the universe and magic. Gods intended for those beings to eventually reach godhood and join them as equals, but those beings failed exceptions of Gods and as a result Gods labeled beings as failures and left this world, but not before leaving beings one last hope to prove they are not failures and that they can still become something more, that last hope was Astral. Astral, a place in between this world and the universe of Gods, a place only the most powerful and elite of witches and warlocks can reach, a place where they can continue to advance past the limits of the world they ware created in and still have a hope to reach godhood.
Story follows Lumen, A witch that not long ago come into Astral. But despite being in Astral, Lumen not only can't remember anything about the outside world in witch she was before she come to Astral, she is also terrible at magic to the point most question if she should even be in Astral in the first place. But despite that Lumen isn't giving up, she is determine to continue advancing and to uncover her past.

About the Game
5 Romance options/5 routes/5 endings
Route separation works in a classical VN way. Common route>Choice>Heroine route
Length: around 140k-150k words
20+ CGs
Fully GxG (AKA Girls love only). All characters are girls and all girls are interested in other girls.

Characters
Protagonist
Image
Name: Lumen
Age: Appears as 15
Specialization: None
Main Element: Water
Secondary Element: Fire
Height: 164cm
History: While it has been some time since she come to Astral she still can't remember anything from her past
lives and she can't get a hang of even basic magic, to the point some wonder if she is really worthy of being in Astral.
Because of this Lumen lucks confidence and has become a lot quieter then she used to be.
Most other people in Astral don't pay her much attention but there are several exceptions, her best friend
Iori that is always trying to cheer her up, her other friend and Iori's Girlfriend Nene, and also for some reason
an elite witch of their grade Diane that is trying to help Lumen from time to time. While Lumen is grateful for it she
also worries about why would someone like her pay her attention. There is also a mysterious half cat Mao that speaks to her
sometimes.
Personality: While she used to be a very positive and optimistic person her constant failures since coming
in Astral have changed her and made her more quiet and shy, whoever sometimes when spending times
with friends her optimistic side still shows up. Still not the one for giving up and is trying hard
to improve, true she (unsuccessfully) tries to hide it in order not to worry her friends as she often pushes herself
past her own limits. She is very emotional and caring and likes to help others if she can.
Main Characters
Image
Name: Diane
Age: Appears as 16
Specialization: Mind Manipulation Witchcraft, Wast knowledge of different witchcraft
Main Element: Earth
Secondary Element: Water
Height: 178cm
History: Despite being reincarnated in Astral only 8 years ago and starting with academy of witchcraft only 6 years
ago she is already close to passing into second grade witch is why she is considered a genius by many as well as
a rule model and sort of an idol to other girls. While she is happy to give some attention to her fans she
didn't make any close ties since coming in Astral, she does whoever for some reason show special interest
in Lumen. While some think she is only trying to help her as part of her serous personality her
real motivation is unknown.
Personality: Highly composed and intelligent, A serous type that spends most of her time staying witchcraft
and advancing. She can be very strict with others but also has a gentler side to her. She takes a lot of pride
in her knowledge and hates to lose.

Image
Name: Iori
Age: Appears as 15
Specialization: Enchantment
Main Element: Wind
Secondary Element: Fire
Height: 168cm
History: She come in Astral around the same time as Lumen. Iori befriended Lumen
very soon after Lumen come into astral and has been her best friend since then. She is average in witchcraft.
Personality: Cheerful, easygoing, friendly and tomboyish. She likes to be in groups and have fun. At first look
it doesn't seem like there is much to be said about her, but she cares about her friends more then she let's on
and isn't as simpleminded as she appears.

Image
Name: Nene
Age: Appears as 15
Specialization: Environment Control
Main Element: Wind
Secondary Element: Earth
Height: 162cm
History: Nene has come in Astral around the same time as Iori, she is her girlfriend and Lumen's friend.
Personality: Similar to Iori, Nene is cheerfuller, easygoing and friendly but unlike Iori she is quite girlish.
Nene enjoys teasing people and quite often ends up overdoing it. Despite this she can be very easily embarrassed when someone
turns teasing on her.

Image
Name: Rie
Age: Appears as 16
Specialization: Astrological Witchcraft
Main Element: Earth
Secondary Element: Fire
Height: 173cm
History: Rie and her younger twin sister Rena come directly into Astral from outside world, because of this she has
a lot more vivid memories of outside world then the rest of Astral's residents witch resulted in her luck of trust toward anyone other then her sister.
Personality: Cold and Composed, others see her as cool and a bit mysterious, likes to stick to herself and doesn't
often show emotions but can get very passionate from time to time, especially when it comes to her younger
twin sister.

Image
Name: Rena
Age: Appears as 16
Specialization: Ex Astral projection, current Life and creation Witchcraft
Main Element: Wind
Secondary Element: Water
Height: 173cm
History: Rena and her older twin sister Rie come directly into Astral from outside world, because of this she has
a lot more vivid memories of outside world then the rest of Astral's residents but unlike her sister she
displays this by seeking reassurance from others that they are really done with the outside world and is trying
her hardest to forget and put outside world behind her, true memories of outside world still hunt her.
Personality: Unlike her older twin sister Rie, Rena is a cheerful and friendly girl that always has a smile on
her face. She likes beautiful and romantic things and is always up for spending emotional, intimate and sweet
moments with her friends. She secretly has a complex as she thinks she isn't as strong as her older twin and always
has to rely on other people for everything, true nobody else sees her that way and she is in fact very capable
herself.

Image
Name: Honoko
Age: Appears as 12
Specialization: ???
Main Element: None
Secondary Element: None
Height: Around 120cm
History: Honoko is a fire elemental.
Personality: She is very sweet and caring and can be very playful. While at times she appears to be very innocent
as her apprentice would suggest she can also be extremely merciless at other times, especially if anyone tries to harm
her master.


Side Characters
Image
Name: Mao
Age: Appears as 18
Specialization: Absolute Control
Main Element: Wind
Secondary Element: Fire
Height: 170cm
History: Mao is a mysterious half cat that sometimes appears before Lumen and talks to her.
Personality: Mao is cheerful and flirty, she is very true to her half cat apprentice and has a very cat-like personality
and tends to do whatever she likes.

Image
Name: Liane
Age: Appears as 18
Specialization: Defensive Magic
Main Element: Earth
Secondary Element: Water
Height: 171cm
Personality: Calm, Patient, Kind and Mature.

Image
Name: High Priestess Lira
Age: Appears as 23
Specialization: All Seeing Eye
Main Element: ???
Secondary Element: ???
Height: 172cm
History: Lira is one of witches that stayed in Astral after finishing all grades of Astral in order to help teach those who come in
Astral. Other then that noting is known about her.
Personality: Highly serious "Business only" person. Never shoves emotions and doesn't talk about anything other then
magic/spirituality studies. Doesn't make any personal connections.


Screenshots
ImageImage
ImageImage
ImageImage
ImageImage


Progress
Writing: 70%
Art: Characters-100% BGs-99% CGs-10%

Q&A
#1) When is VN going to be released?
In best case scenario It could be done around end of September, in worst case scenario Q1 2019
#2) Is it free?
As much as I would love to give VNs for free, if I want to continue making VNs full time (Witch I do) I have to make money from it so I can continue to do so.
#3) How much is it going to cost?
I am thinking of 5.99$
#4) Is there nudity/H-scenes etc.
No.

Questions
#1) What are your general thoughts about this VN?
#2) What about this VN seems most interesting to you?
#3) Based on what you know about it so far, would you be interested in buying it?
#4) Do you think that 5.99$ is appropriate price for this VN based on what you know about it?
#5) Do you have any other questions?
Last edited by YaminoOkami on Fri Oct 19, 2018 4:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

manado
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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#2 Post by manado »

heya, ano.. i dont know how to start this, but i liked your story and characters, they look lovable! would it be okay if i joined you to make this game?

YaminoOkami
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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#3 Post by YaminoOkami »

manado wrote: Thu Aug 23, 2018 5:27 pm heya, ano.. i dont know how to start this, but i liked your story and characters, they look lovable! would it be okay if i joined you to make this game?
Thank you for taking interest in my game! I am glad you like story and characters.

As I said, this game is already close to completion. The only remaining things to do are to finish writing last route and to finish CGs, so at a moment I am not looking for partners to make this game.

I might be looking for partners for my future games true, so for future references, what it is that you do?

manado
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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#4 Post by manado »

i can draw! and think of things to a story, or something like that, am interested of doing some vn of my own too :3

i would like to make something with you, i like the fantasy genre and characters

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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#5 Post by papillon »

While your game length is fine and people will be interested in having all those routes, you are likely to struggle to make much in the way of sales with your current artwork. Even though it's only $6 a lot of people make snap decisions based on the art, and there's a LOT of competition these days.

This game for example: https://store.steampowered.com/app/8009 ... lue_Moons/ Even though it's quite cheap ($5), a lot of people refuse to try it because the art is not what they expect.

I think you could get better results by first doing a fundraiser of some sort to hire an artist.

Obviously you don't have to do that, and you can certainly wait to see how it does on launch before making any decisions. I just worry that your work will largely go to waste if you launch it and only sell a few copies.

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Seigetsu
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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#6 Post by Seigetsu »

I like the overall premise. While the idea of a magic school is not particularly original, the concept of a place where students are trained to reach godhood is quite interesting. I'd be curious about what godhood actually entails and what is the reason why gods would like to create beings that become like them when they should have the ability to readily make beings that are exactly like them. What is their purpose? How do gods differ from human beings, if they differ at all? Those are all interesting questions that can be addressed.

As for the characters, they seem to fall into the standard "types", not that it's necessarily a bad thing. Just reading their descriptions, it seems to me that you have plans to develop their characters anyway, so I have little concerns about this. If I'm understanding correctly, do you have six routes planned? That is definitely a selling point, as many GxG games do not have so many romance options.

But as the user above mentioned, it will probably be difficult to sell your game as it looks right now. A visual novel comprises mainly of two components: the visuals and the novel. Let's first talk about the visuals here. I admit to being one of those people who passed on buying the game "Twin Blue Moons" because I didn't really like the art style. But what is a preferred art style is quite subjective, and I don't think an anime art style is the only acceptable option for visual novels. Problem with what you have here is not just about style, but about things that are more fundamental, such as anatomy. For instance, eyes that are not level with each other, arms that are crooked and look a little like the bones are broken, collapsed ribcages...things like that. I agree with the user above that you should either hire an artist to draw for you, or at least seek some help on improving your art, because as it looks right now, it is somewhat jarring, stylistic preferences aside. If you really do not want to redo the art, then maybe consider taking it out altogether and turning this into a novel novel. There is no reason to include something that will only hurt the final product. I'm not sure how well digital novels sell, but I do see a number of those "Choice of Games" on Steam, so I suppose there is a market for them?

Now let's move on to the "novel" aspect. I have no way of judging how well you write other than what you have written in the descriptions of the plot and the characters. Unfortunately, what you have here is ridden with spelling and grammatical issues - it doesn't inspire a lot of confidence from potential buyers that your game would be any different. You should probably get a beta-reader to help you proofread everything.

That said, I do hope you can improve your game so that it would be marketable. We need more quality GxG games, and I applaud you for developing this. I would definitely be interested in buying if the issues mentioned above are fixed. Best of luck!

YaminoOkami
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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#7 Post by YaminoOkami »

Update

All CGs are completed, Here are some previews:

Image

Image

Writing is progressing well too, right now is about 90%-95% done. If everything continues to go well this VN will be released before the end of October.

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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#8 Post by alfdale »

I'd just like to say that developing a VN by yourself is extremely difficult, and I admire your drive and dedication. In general terms, however, I think it's usually more advisable, for your first VN, to work on a short than a long one, and that both quality and speed greatly benefit from having a team to help you.

Good luck!

YaminoOkami
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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#9 Post by YaminoOkami »

alfdale wrote: Mon Oct 15, 2018 7:00 pm I'd just like to say that developing a VN by yourself is extremely difficult, and I admire your drive and dedication. In general terms, however, I think it's usually more advisable, for your first VN, to work on a short than a long one, and that both quality and speed greatly benefit from having a team to help you.

Good luck!
Thanks for the support!

I certainly agree with what you said about starting with a shorter VN, it is far more advisable, it's just that I misunderstood that that was what I was doing when I was starting 17th Astral. Originally I was thinking between starting to work on a VN that I had as an idea for a very long time that would be a very big/long VN (300k+ words, 50+ CGs etc.) or working on something else for my first VN, something shorter, and in the end I come up with 17th Astral that was suppose to be more on the medium-small size, but not only did I heavily underestimated work/time per length, but also as I worked on it it expended as I was getting new ideas that I can add to it.

As for having a team to help me, that is just beyond my budget for now. That, and I like both drawing and writing. True in a future, if my VN is a success, hiring a team is something I am considering.

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Re: 17th Astral [GxG] [Slice of Life, Magic]

#10 Post by YaminoOkami »

This VN is finally completed and published. It is available on Itch.io:
https://overlord-ge.itch.io/17th-astral

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