[Closed]
Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 12:49 pm
[Closed]
So, it's a choice-of-protagonist game with female love interests? That's fine, and I've often thought more of these generic cute-girl-shop games ought to let you play a female protagonist anyway, but it raises a few questions.
Will we ever see the protagonist at all? (either a talking head or in CGs) If so, how will you handle the dual-protagonist part? If not, how will you make your protagonist feel 'present' and part of the story?
Are you planning to have any differences in the relationships when the protagonist changes, or will it just be swapping "him" for "her" in the dialog, or are you hoping to write the dialog so that you never need to mention the protagonist's gender at all?
Or - am I misreading it and actually it's only a male protagonist, but some of the girls can also get together as couples? I can't tell from your first post.
My nitpicks on what you've posted so far:
Maid is generally spelled 'meido' when using Japanese style, since 'maido' would be read more like "MY-do". Spelling it Maido to catch the eyes of English speakers can work, but then having another Japanese word in the title makes it confusing, because that word is CLEARLY Japanese and not one that the average layperson knows the translation of either. So that's pushing the brain into "read this Japanese-style" in which case, as mentioned, maido is wrong. Unless the entire joke is meant to be that the cafe is run by someone who does not speak Japanese and was trying to name the cafe "More Maids" and screwed up?
Also, my grammar sense kicks in. If it's meant to be that Meruru's English is sometimes a little messed-up, that's fine, but otherwise, don't say "these kind". Either "this kind" or "these kinds" - both plural or both singular.
As for what gets my personal interest:
In general I would prefer people stay away from Japanese settings/names unless they've been there and have something new to say about it. Setting up a maid cafe somewhere else is automatically more interesting as a plot, because it adds in elements of why all the people involved want to be part of it, and how the locals react to it. I remember reading a magazine article about the 'death cafe' in Bangkok where the coffee house has a coffin, for example.
If there's a business-management aspect to the story I personally enjoy being able to get my hands into some actual decision-making and business simulation! Buying the coffee, setting the prices, scheduling the workers, cleaning the shop, etc. But that might be more than you really want to deal with.