ALLBLACK -Phase1- [Free to Play][Action][Psychological][Sci-fi][Steam]

[Chronocide]

A few to reply on:

Hey thank you for giving me some feedback, after 2 years in this forum, no one is kind enough to leave any feedback.

Downright sad that you aren't getting the feedback you deserve. And I do really wish that I was in the target audience for this game more, as I feel that if I were more interested in the story, that this game has a lot to offer. It's definitely a big game with a lot of content I haven't explored.

And the lack of interest is not your fault. That's on me.

3: Still pretty early on. F-word used. It doesn't offend me, but it limits your target audience to have swearing in your game. And, at least so far, the swearing isn't adding anything to the story.

The F-word is used to express some sort of frustration? The intended audience is 18 years and older, so it's kinda expected.

Yeah, frustration. And in real life, I'd probably use the F-word. But in writing, the swear words are kinda lazy (zero offense directed at you, I'm speaking in general). That is, it's lazy when using them as "exclamations". If you use the actual definitions, then it's totally fine. Like using "Damn" when talking about damnation.

It's lazy for two reasons. First, substitution is super easy for basic swear words. "Frak" instead of the F-word solves it without even changing the meaning (in regard to using) or syllable count, or letter count. So no real reason to use the swear words if you don't have to. Second, exclamation words are a great world building tool in a writing - by using the negative word to reference some backstory event, you can really push concepts as part of the story.

Your game, your call.

And, PS, the words don't offend me. Zero issues with the words being said, I just feel that, as exclamations, they are lazy in writing.

I'm using "f-word" because I didn't bother to look up the swearing policy on this site before making that feedback comment. I figured it was more simple to just write f-word, than it was to use the other and risk getting in trouble with the admins.

4: Hmm...getting bored. I'm at the point where I'm meeting the crew of the ship (tim and peppy and so forth). Despite being described as a "Game" seems like all I get to do is click to advance the text.

I think I'm signing off for now. No offense intended, just not my cup of tea.

This game could really use an introduction. Just a "this is what you'll be doing in the game" part before it starts. Though, I suppose if you had told me that there wouldn't be any choices and that I'd just be click to advance the story of what is basically just a book on a topic that doesn't really interest me...sorry, but that's the case.

Well, what could you expect? You came into visual novel forum, and this is exactly what visual novel is. Advancing the story with little to no interaction. Many visual novel belong to this category like Narcissu, True Remembrance, even Higurashi. Anyway I appreciate your interest to getting read so far, and your opinion will be noted.

Totally valid point.

This story isn't really in a genre I'd normally read, so that is affecting my review, for sure. But you wanted feedback and I had free time, so I at least gave it a shot (which you thanked me for).

I find that I can get into a ren'py story if it has lots of choices, even if the genre isn't something I'd normally pursue. Doesn't always work, but sometimes.

Since the game lacks choices, though, you might want to look into some sort of text to voice software and then set each page to advance on a timer, then the novel could be watched as a film (which is an option that you'd only have in a game that lacks choice).